People assuming ulterior motives for "no reason".

[Aspychata]

People enter in with their own bias either for you or against you. Think you just have to work with their bias and slowly educate them if they think you are (fill in your descriptive term). If you are able to recognize the style of the person you are interfacing with or it's like if you have the wrong data cables, you are unable to transfer and flow data back and forth. So this is where l am going to step in and say idle chitchat starts the connection of; is this person crabby, egotistical, totally on point? It opens up the floodgate a bit to what is the communication style, how big is the ego, and how commited/motivated to get to the desired outcome. I kinda of subconsciously rely on this as my goto check list.

 

[Noba Loney]

It's not cognitive. It's psychological

Yeah. What makes me think it can be 'cognitive' is that It looks so wild sometimes, e.g. postng something and moments later completely denying it. At least make it vaguely plausible, please! But also I guess there isn't a strict divide between the 'cognitive' and the psychological anyway.

 

[Mia]

OK, yes. I don't know if you're hinting but perhaps I'm not entirely blameless in wanting to 'win'. I mean, I do try and watch for that.

There was a time in my life, where it meant everything. It was a victory and I had to win at all costs. Maybe it was my youth, and 'all or nothing' thinking at the time. So I'm not entirely blameless either. I'm not hinting at you personally, it's something many people do.

 

[zurb]

Check out the book “A Field Guide to Earthlings”.
While we’re often accused of having black and white thinking, many NTs (especially the immature ones) are like this with relationships. If you’re not a friend (ie agree with them 100%), then you are an enemy to be taken down. You need to be very sure of your relationship to be able to point out problems in their logic.

 

[Aspychata]

People almost always assume wrong things about me, it's to the point l don't even bother. My big boss gets me, that's all that matters to me. The rest of the people l interface with have their own biases based on upbringing, cultural, NT, gender-based, age, the list goes on and on.

 

[Fino]

It could be that they're believing themselves to be correct as a matter of fact which means to them, they have the following to be true:

1. I'm right.
2. This person says I'm wrong.

Question: Why would this person say I'm wrong even though I'm obviously right?
Conclusion: They must have ulterior motives.

 

[unperson]

It's agreeable to agree with people.

 

[Aspychata]

It could be that they're believing themselves to be correct as a matter of fact which means to them, they have the following to be true:

1. I'm right.
2. This person says I'm wrong.

Question: Why would this person say I'm wrong even though I'm obviously right?
Conclusion: They must have ulterior motives.

Right on point Fino!

 

[Thinx]

Agree with much of what has been said on this thread, I have often had my contribution to an idea rejected out of hand and/or seen as an attack, however carefully I have phrased it. People dont like the idea or its implications, or think its plain wrong, or think it is proposed due to an agenda, whereas in my experience, NDs rarely have any agenda other than we think the idea is useful.

Sometimes one is up against cliques in the workplace who just discount ideas of non clique members, it unfortunately detracts from the efficiency of the organisation.

 

[s704m]

Trouble shooting and finding solutions to technical problems is just something I do. I'm very good at it in some ways because I quickly take in and weigh a lot of available information and correlate it with what I know. This is often like a useless super power because the difficulty is then in communicating this reasoning, which can look almost like intuition.

your scenario as you describe it -- simply pointing out flaws in logic and facts (fallacies) that drive people bonkers because they HAVE to be right and they take personal offense to your pointing out the obvious (that their proposal is incorrect) -- happens to me all the friggin' time and it drives me crazy.

and yes, they assume that i am targeting them, or insulting them, or have a political or religious agenda, or have any number of silly reasons other than that what they are saying is illogical and/or makes no sense.

you're not alone in this. it's why i usually don't talk, don't offer opinions, and try to dissuade people from asking my opinion because i know they will dislike what i have to say, unless they already know how i am (ask for it, get blunt honesty, and don't expect filters). wish i had solutions for you, but i don't. all i can say is -- i can definitely relate. and yes -- this has always been for me as well, even before i knew i was autistic, and learning about it didn't really change anything for me, except i am more careful who i hang around with now. no patience for the mental gymnastics anymore.

 

[s704m]

I do freelance editing for novels and I've noticed the same thing of people not want to hear what I have to say. Once I thought about it, I realized that I'm critiquing something they've spent hours upon hours working on, and that it would be natural that they would be a bit defensive. I had to change how I phrased my critiques to get better receptiveness from the author, and even then, some people just don't want to listen (even if they hired me, which seems like a waste of money on their part, but that's not my problem). But now I start off critiques with something along the lines of "You have a really good starts to your story. Here's something specific I like about it. Here's what you can do to make it even better and achieve its full potential".

This is so phenomenally helpful!! I do volunteer editing and proofreading with some nonprofits. If you don't mind, I would like to borrow your technique -- your wonderfully diplomatic approach here -- to help keep myself out of trouble with other writers when in some sticky situations. Thank you for sharing this helpful example of social etiquette -- i never know how to do these things on my own .... my nickname tends to be "The Hammer" (as in Thor's Hammer .....)

despite the lc way i write in forums (thanks to lupus and FMS issues), i had written, edited, etc., for years, but now I mostly do it as a hobby.

 

[rubicks52]

This is so phenomenally helpful!! I do volunteer editing and proofreading with some nonprofits. If you don't mind, I would like to borrow your technique -- your wonderfully diplomatic approach here -- to help keep myself out of trouble with other writers when in some sticky situations. Thank you for sharing this helpful example of social etiquette -- i never know how to do these things on my own .... my nickname tends to be "The Hammer" (as in Thor's Hammer .....)

Go ahead! Also, I totally relate with what you said. The first book I ever edited, I made the author cry and she almost stopped working on the book altogether. I like to think I've gotten a bit better about phrasing since then, though.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Have you had people assume you know nothing about the subject because of your opinion? I've been there. Is that an example??? Or is this something else? I don't really understand..