Pathological Demand Avoidance

[On the Inside]

From my understanding, it is generally considered wrong to make people do things they feel uncomfortable doing. Why does this suddenly change when the demand is termed 'ordinary'?

Excellent point,I just thought of that as being more like requests "will you take out the recycling" that sort of thing. I will resist that at times, depending on how I feel or what I am engaged in at the moment. However, a demand, ordinary or not, is still a demand. The question is who is doing the demanding? That isn't clarified.

If we are talking about the ordinary demands of life, like having a job, paying bills, getting someplace on time, then it would seem to be saying that the person is refusing to do something they are fully capable of doing, but choosing not to. Simple lazy obstinance. I think most people, Aspies included, wish to be as functional, independent, and productive as their abilities allow.

But if, as you state, someone is demanding that someone else do something that they are unable or unwilling to do, however ordinary it may be, is cause for concern. There was a time when someone was demanding that I do something, in a way that was really hard for me to do, that was different from the approach I had planned on. After a long, agonizing struggle, I relented and did it their way but it was a very traumatic experience for me. If I hadn't been 1400 miles from home with this person, I would have just walked away and not looked back.

 

[Limited_Moon]

I have had similar many experiences. I guess it's because I didn't have a diagnosis until very recently - I had many unrealistic expectations put on me, but no reason to give as to why I couldn't live up to them. I tried for many years, but I got to a stage where I realized that it was really bad for me and I stopped. I also left behind I anyone who wouldn't accept that.
To me, avoiding 'expectations' ('Demands' seems to me a weird word to use with grown adults) from people I don't know or trust is something I do to keep myself safe and healthy.
I also feel irresponsible when I take something on I can't do and I let people down.

This could all be because I am Autistic, not PDA of course.