Parents criticizing me...

[Alexis C]

recently im preparing myself for oversea study for 4 yrs. so naturally my parents are worried about AS and me not able to interact with ppl,and most importantly, still incapable to be independent, that i cant take care of myself and my study.

to be honest im really worried too. this is my first time being on own,away from my family and friends. but i know i have the ability in me, that im not as impotent as my family see.

however they constantly criticize me for being immature,emotional, and hard to work with. i tried showing them that i am trying to make an effort,that i am doing research about that institute,finding a place to rent,arranging classes and whatnot. sadly they were not good enough to them.
they offered help and suggestions, along with critics of course.

ever since i was little, i tried not to take my family's opinions too seriously,cuz i would be very depressed about it and thus make me look even more incapable to them. but sometimes i just cannot shut those words out cuz they are pointing out all my flaws and im not supposed to leave my seat when they are doing that.

although im about to leave them and dont really have to listen to them anymore, i still dont know how to deal with harsh judgement when i receive it.

how should i react to it and how should i deal with the ppl who say those things?

 

[Ereth]

Your parents probably mean well, but express it very poorly. It'll be good for you to have some time on your own, though. You'll be able to prove the doubters wrong soon enough!

 

[2aspirin]

I have heard and read multiple times that high functioning ASD people do well adapting to other cultures. If you are going to a distinctly different culture, that may be the case. It is because we are, in some way, already cross-cultural in adapting to NT culture. But where the expectations are misaligned. Abroad, the friendly understanding of the relations being intrinsically cross-cultural can be a plus. In facts, Aspies may have an advantage.

I realize that does not comment on the parents being negative. That is too bad that they are negative.

 

[zurb]

Personally, I struggle with culture shock more with similar cultures (where I expect it to be the same) than in a totally different culture.

You might like to have a look at Tony Attwood's Complete Guide to Aspergers, Chapter 12 Life after School: College and Career.

I also recommend getting a copy of Building Your RAFT.
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[Peace]

Too often we look at what people do and not why they do it. Are they just mean and resentful, or are they doing it because they love you and are concerned? I bet it is the later. Looking at peoples motives rather than their actions will help us to see more clearly.
You also have a different relationship with your family than you will with other people. The "Difficult To Get Along With" part will likely be different once you are out of your comfort zone, and I think you will do well.
I would not worry too much about this, but instead put my time and energy into preparation, and into enjoying the time you have left with your family. It is likely that you will miss them a lot. Leaving on a good note will help you overcome the home sickness that you are likely going to incur. I hear by the way that it only lasts for about 8 months.
Best of luck to you. I pray that you are both successful and happy!

 

[Adamantium]

Too often we look at what people do and not why they do it. Are they just mean and resentful, or are they doing it because they love you and are concerned? I bet it is the later. Looking at peoples motives rather than their actions will help us to see more clearly.

This is really very good advice.

One thing I have slowly and somewhat painfully realized through the years is that I am often wrong about people's motivations. I fail to see that people are upset with me until they are very upset with me and I think they are being hostile when they are just making observations that I don't like or their intention is completely different than I thought.

Sometimes it helps to ask: "why are you saying this?" The answers can be very surprising and more positive than you might think.