Parenting

[richbebo]

I was just reading on another aspie forum about parenting and it seems some aspies would prefer not to have kids, one guy was even talking about getting the snip. Some say this because they dont think they would make fit parents which i think is fair enough but some because they dont want to pass on aspergers to there kids which i dont like the sound of. Why the hell not? I wouldn't care if everyone of my kids has it, i'm not going to see my aspergers as a curse which needs to die out, cause its not. Sure it makes for a harder life but i get by and why cant my kids. I think my kids would be happier with a dad with the same thing which i'm sure most aspies dont have and i'm sure this world needs more aspies am i right?
This is probably like my tenth thread i've made lol oh well i like making them, anyway anyone got any views on this?

 

[umbrellabeach]

Maybe they just don't want to have to deal with the meltdowns and other difficulties of having an autistic kid. I don't think Aspies always get along with other Aspies, even though it would be nice to have more Aspies around. It's just different when they're your own because you're responsible for them and you have to live with them.
I myself have made the decision not to have kids whether they're Aspies or not because I can't deal with all the noise, messes and lack of privacy (kids are everywhere). Living with my parents and siblings (which are NT btw) is hard enough and I'm eager to move out.

 

[richbebo]

Maybe they just don't want to have to deal with the meltdowns and other difficulties of having an autistic kid. I don't think Aspies always get along with other Aspies, even though it would be nice to have more Aspies around. It's just different when they're your own because you're responsible for them and you have to live with them.
I myself have made the decision not to have kids whether they're Aspies or not because I can't deal with all the noise, messes and lack of privacy (kids are everywhere). Living with my parents and siblings (which are NT btw) is hard enough and I'm eager to move out.

I'm sure you will make a great parent if you give it a chance, those noises you get used to, i went clubing today for the first time and all my life i have been kind of afraid of it cause i've seen it as one of the most social places you can be and i thought the loud music would be to much for my hyposensitivity to handle but it was gr8, i loved it and i'll do it again. I've come from being a social outcast to having a big group of freinds by just forcing myself and going along with chances to be social even if it meant standing out and being the odd one, i just pulled through and waited till i was comfortable enough around these new people to be myself and it works. I think any aspie can be the most popular person in the world if they just believe in therself. Sorry i'm drifting off topic but the point i'm trying to make is nothing is impossible if you go at it with a enthusiastic and can do attitute, for all you know you could be the greatest parent ever, dont let little things like loud noises and privacy bother you please.

 

[smithgirl656]

I was just reading on another aspie forum about parenting and it seems some aspies would prefer not to have kids, one guy was even talking about getting the snip. Some say this because they dont think they would make fit parents which i think is fair enough but some because they dont want to pass on aspergers to there kids which i dont like the sound of. Why the hell not? I wouldn't care if everyone of my kids has it, i'm not going to see my aspergers as a curse which needs to die out, cause its not. Sure it makes for a harder life but i get by and why cant my kids. I think my kids would be happier with a dad with the same thing which i'm sure most aspies dont have and i'm sure this world needs more aspies am i right?
This is probably like my tenth thread i've made lol oh well i like making them, anyway anyone got any views on this?

i can kind of understand because i wouldn't want any of my kids to have like the same sensory issues that i have, but that won't stop me from having a kid and if they did have aspergers it just makes them unique. and it would be better that i have it also, so they have someone close that understands them. and does anyone know what the percent chance of giving aspergers to your kids is? because i am the first in my family to have it, so it is possible that someone with aspergers may not even have a child who has it

 

[umbrellabeach]

I'm sure you will make a great parent if you give it a chance, those noises you get used to, i went clubing today for the first time and all my life i have been kind of afraid of it cause i've seen it as one of the most social places you can be and i thought the loud music would be to much for my hyposensitivity to handle but it was gr8, i loved it and i'll do it again. I've come from being a social outcast to having a big group of freinds by just forcing myself and going along with chances to be social even if it meant standing out and being the odd one, i just pulled through and waited till i was comfortable enough around these new people to be myself and it works. I think any aspie can be the most popular person in the world if they just believe in therself. Sorry i'm drifting off topic but the point i'm trying to make is nothing is impossible if you go at it with a enthusiastic and can do attitute, for all you know you could be the greatest parent ever, dont let little things like loud noises and privacy bother you please.

Actually, I would not make a great parent at all. I hate having to live with people. I can get very physically abusive with people I'm frustrated with, and if they're not around I abuse inanimate objects instead. It would be no different to my own hypothetical kids; I have enough trouble tolerating my nephew and I'm glad I don't have to take responsibility for him. Privacy and noise are not little things for me; they're HUGE issues. Lack of privacy and quiet seriously degrades the quality of my life and makes me miserable. I can't have people hovering over and following me everywhere I go, like kids always do, and I can't have them throwing tantrums and screaming all the time.
I am very firm in my personal, private life decision not to have kids and I am not going to change my mind no matter what, especially since it would please those breeders I've met in RL who tried to tell me I'd change my mind (because apparently they have magical powers that can read minds and predict the future).

 

[Sean2222]

I'm sure you will make a great parent if you give it a chance, those noises you get used to, i went clubing today for the first time and all my life i have been kind of afraid of it cause i've seen it as one of the most social places you can be and i thought the loud music would be to much for my hyposensitivity to handle but it was gr8, i loved it and i'll do it again. I've come from being a social outcast to having a big group of freinds by just forcing myself and going along with chances to be social even if it meant standing out and being the odd one, i just pulled through and waited till i was comfortable enough around these new people to be myself and it works. I think any aspie can be the most popular person in the world if they just believe in therself. Sorry i'm drifting off topic but the point i'm trying to make is nothing is impossible if you go at it with a enthusiastic and can do attitute, for all you know you could be the greatest parent ever, dont let little things like loud noises and privacy bother you please.

Don't revert back to the same guy who I had to make fun of the first few weeks I was on here. You just don't get it do you? Just because you "pulled through" and were able to change things and handle things better doesn't mean others can do the same. You aren't them nor are you experiencing our issues the way we experience them. This is typical male pass judgement crap about telling others to "man up" and get over things they are having serious issues with.

Additionally, what would you know about parenting anyway. I highly doubt any male in this forum can competetently speak about something they have no conception of in the first place. Most guys wouldn't know what committment or responsiblity was if they fell in it. You are talking about how great you turned your life around to be yet you lean on a crutch of drinking to loosen up in social situations. Without booze would you be so confident in these situations and places? I guess only you can answer that one, but I doubt it. What about the rest of us that don't drink? Are you going to lay one of those "you should dirnk" stories on us all again? This whole paragraph reminded me of why I disliked you in the beginning, yet I thought somehow you changed for th ebetter.

But don't feel upset, because most males fall into this judgemental, selfish, lack of empathy category and they feel they are the authority on what everyone else's life should be and like to tell them what to do with it...

-sean-

 

[Sean2222]

I'm sure you will make a great parent if you give it a chance, those noises you get used to, i went clubing today for the first time and all my life i have been kind of afraid of it cause i've seen it as one of the most social places you can be and i thought the loud music would be to much for my hyposensitivity to handle but it was gr8, i loved it and i'll do it again. I've come from being a social outcast to having a big group of freinds by just forcing myself and going along with chances to be social even if it meant standing out and being the odd one, i just pulled through and waited till i was comfortable enough around these new people to be myself and it works. I think any aspie can be the most popular person in the world if they just believe in therself. Sorry i'm drifting off topic but the point i'm trying to make is nothing is impossible if you go at it with a enthusiastic and can do attitute, for all you know you could be the greatest parent ever, dont let little things like loud noises and privacy bother you please.

Don't revert back to the same guy who I had to make fun of the first few weeks I was on here. You just don't get it do you? Just because you "pulled through" and were able to change things and handle things better doesn't mean others can do the same. You aren't them nor are you experiencing our issues the way we experience them. This is typical male pass judgement crap about telling others to "man up" and get over things they are having serious issues with.

Additionally, what would you know about parenting anyway. I highly doubt any male in this forum can competetently speak about something they have no conception of in the first place. Most guys wouldn't know what committment or responsiblity was if they fell in it. You are talking about how great you turned your life around to be yet you lean on a crutch of drinking to loosen up in social situations. Without booze would you be so confident in these situations and places? I guess only you can answer that one, but I doubt it. What about the rest of us that don't drink? Are you going to lay one of those "you should dirnk" stories on us all again? This whole paragraph reminded me of why I disliked you in the beginning, yet I thought somehow you changed for th ebetter.

But don't feel upset, because most males fall into this judgemental, selfish, lack of empathy category and they feel they are the authority on what everyone else's life should be and like to tell them what to do with it...

-sean-

 

[richbebo]

Actually, I would not make a great parent at all. I hate having to live with people. I can get very physically abusive with people I'm frustrated with, and if they're not around I abuse inanimate objects instead. It would be no different to my own hypothetical kids; I have enough trouble tolerating my nephew and I'm glad I don't have to take responsibility for him. Privacy and noise are not little things for me; they're HUGE issues. Lack of privacy and quiet seriously degrades the quality of my life and makes me miserable. I can't have people hovering over and following me everywhere I go, like kids always do, and I can't have them throwing tantrums and screaming all the time.
I am very firm in my personal, private life decision not to have kids and I am not going to change my mind no matter what, especially since it would please those breeders I've met in RL who tried to tell me I'd change my mind (because apparently they have magical powers that can read minds and predict the future).

Sorry anne, i was being a bit contradictive in my last post cause i did state on my first that it is fair enough when aspies choose not to because they dont feel up to it. It's just when people dont because they dont want to pass on aspergers i feel like it's an insult to all aspies but thats probably just me.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Sorry anne, i was being a bit contradictive in my last post cause i did state on my first that it is fair enough when aspies choose not to because they dont feel up to it. It's just when people dont because they dont want to pass on aspergers i feel like it's an insult to all aspies but thats probably just me.

Oh, I see. Passing Asperger's on isn't really a concern of mine; I just don't believe I can handle kids, that's all.

 

[Sean2222]

There's about a 37% chance of passing the asperger's down to your child if all conditions are right and both parents have AS. But I doubt anyone ponders parenthood in a way where they want their children to be either nt or aspie. It just kind of happens . But to want to have a child just to pass the asperger genes down seems as ridiculous as the notion of telling others what to do with their lives or that they will just 'get used to' or 'get over' issues they have lived with their whole life.

Just because a certain person thinks things should be a certain way, doesn't make them that way at all. I believe no relationship should exist without monogamy and there should be no sex unless both people truly love each other in that committed monogamous relationship. I also believe that every guy who has sex and gets a girl pregnant should be held accountable for his actions and should support her and the baby no matter what. And I also believe that females should be appreciated and loved for their minds, hearts, and souls, not just their bodies. But for all the little things that define her and make her truly beautiful on the inside. And that every idiot guy who only knows how to objectify them should know what it is to be treated and seen in the same degrading way that they see girls in. So idealism is cool, but not when others don't always share your ideals

-sean-

 

[richbebo]

There's about a 37% chance of passing the asperger's down to your child if all conditions are right and both parents have AS. But I doubt anyone ponders parenthood in a way where they want their children to be either nt or aspie. It just kind of happens . But to want to have a child just to pass the asperger genes down seems as ridiculous as the notion of telling others what to do with their lives or that they will just 'get used to' or 'get over' issues they have lived with their whole life.

Just because a certain person thinks things should be a certain way, doesn't make them that way at all. I believe no relationship should exist without monogamy and there should be no sex unless both people truly love each other in that committed monogamous relationship. I also believe that every guy who has sex and gets a girl pregnant should be held accountable for his actions and should support her and the baby no matter what. And I also believe that females should be appreciated and loved for their minds, hearts, and souls, not just their bodies. But for all the little things that define her and make her truly beautiful on the inside. And that every idiot guy who only knows how to objectify them should know what it is to be treated and seen in the same degrading way that they see girls in. So idealism is cool, but not when others don't always share your ideals

-sean-

You cirtainly have a way with words sean lol, but i think your not seeing my point. I dont want to purposly pass on aspergers i just dont want it to be a reason not to pass on my genes. When someone says they dont want to because they dont want there kids to be different i see it as a middle finger to all of us. I'm not trying to give off the impression that i'm forcing people to think the same way as me cause everyone is entitled to there own life choices i'm just trying to potray the view from both angles.

 

[umbrellabeach]

When someone says they dont want to because they dont want there kids to be different i see it as a middle finger to all of us.

I agree. I see it as hypocritical too, since people are always emphasizing - with words only - that everyone is different and a unique individual, but in real-life situations expect everyone to all be the same - do the same things, eat the same foods, have the same personal preferences and life goals, etc. Anyone who's different gets in trouble.
I can understand why a parent would want their kid to be normal so they don't get into trouble, but I still think people should not be afraid to be different or have different kids.

 

[Sean2222]

I agree. I see it as hypocritical too, since people are always emphasizing - with words only - that everyone is different and a unique individual, but in real-life situations expect everyone to all be the same - do the same things, eat the same foods, have the same personal preferences and life goals, etc. Anyone who's different gets in trouble.
I can understand why a parent would want their kid to be normal so they don't get into trouble, but I still think people should not be afraid to be different or have different kids.

Anne you know what nt's say and do are always two different things. Pretty much everything they live by is hypocritical to a certain extent and they can't even be honest about the smallest of things. Noone has control over how their children are going to come out. It's all really theory, and still a ton of idealism. The bottom line is I sitll see it being up to the female because it is her body. Just as I speak out against all the idiot males who try to preach against abortion and to take away every other conceivable female right, this is no different. In an ideal world we would see many more aspies, many more. That isn't the issue, it's what the nt's want as far as 'normalcy' is concerned and not what we want because nt's are in the majority. The majority usually makes the rules in things, no matter how stupid the rules may be. All I care about in this and any situation is that female rights are preserved and that inevitably the girl/woman controls her own destiny and her own body.

Whatever comes out of sex between two people as far as offspring is concerned is their business, noone else's. I believe in privacy, personal space, and that every person is entitled to that without others meddling in their life or business. How many people respect your space and privacy Anne? You know what hovering feels like, just like I do. That's a huge frustration for us and as long as others keep getting to tell you what to do with your body, life, etc, you are never going to have any space or privacy.

This is why I disagree with nerdy by default because he keeps thinking he can push his male oriented views on others and try to tell females that they should get over their asperger's just to suit his blind idealism of spreading the asperger genes all around. It must be tough when you think you see all sides but you truly lack the empathy to actually see any other perspective but your own.

I call things as I see them, whether it's popular or not. And sorry Nerd By Default, your heart might be in the right place but you can't push your views on others just to appear right or perpetuate your idealism. If that were possible everything I said in my other post would come to fruition and this world would be a better place where males took responsiblity for their actions, understood committment and empathy. A world where guys stopped being judgemental of others, swallowed their overblown egos and started respecting women. And giving them their rightful due and credit they deserve in society as the beautiful, amazing, unique, and independent people they truly are .
-sean-

 

[richbebo]

This is why I disagree with nerdy by default because he keeps thinking he can push his male oriented views on others and try to tell females that they should get over their asperger's just to suit his blind idealism of spreading the asperger genes all around. It must be tough when you think you see all sides but you truly lack the empathy to actually see any other perspective but your own.

I call things as I see them, whether it's popular or not. And sorry Nerd By Default, your heart might be in the right place but you can't push your views on others just to appear right or perpetuate your idealism. If that were possible everything I said in my other post would come to fruition and this world would be a better place where males took responsiblity for their actions, understood committment and empathy. A world where guys stopped being judgemental of others, swallowed their overblown egos and started respecting women. And giving them their rightful due and credit they deserve in society as the beautiful, amazing, unique, and independent people they truly are .
-sean-

Sean, i dont wanna get arsy with you but sometimes you make it hard not to but when someone says something about me which isn't true i gta defend myself. I dunno why you always assume the worst of me i really dont, as i said on my previous post i am not trying to force people with my typical male ways, just because you percieve my posts to be that way doesn't make it true. This is an Aspie discussion forum last time i checked and i am merely discussing my views nothing wrong with that. I dont no what all this mumbo jumbo is about me somehow violating the womans body and not letting them have there own opinion because i'm aparently a typical idiot male and where your getting it from. Also i wish you would stop assuming i'm a stereotypical male, i am an aspie i have never EVER been called stereotypical and i wouldn't expect someone on the same boat to think i am either.

 

[Calvert]

Anne you know what nt's say and do are always two different things. Pretty much everything they live by is hypocritical to a certain extent and they can't even be honest about the smallest of things.

It must be tough when you think you see all sides but you truly lack the empathy to actually see any other perspective but your own.

A world where guys stopped being judgemental of others
-sean-

Sean, maybe you should take your own advice. Enough of the NT bashing already, you've already been warned about this sort of behaviour on other AS forums. You can't paint all neurotypicals with the same brush.


I don't see how Nerd by Default is forcing is views upon anyone either. He is merely having a discussion.




Note to everyone: Moderators will be monitoring this thread.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Just as I speak out against all the idiot males who try to preach against abortion and to take away every other conceivable female right, this is no different.

I'm not male, but I'm against abortion (and I'm sure aborted female babies would disagree with it too). Does that make me an idiot?

 

[Sean2222]

I'm not male, but I'm against abortion (and I'm sure aborted female babies would disagree with it too). Does that make me an idiot?

Well thank you, we finally disagree on something anne I have been waiting for you to disagree with me for an eternity Yes males who tell women what to do with their bodies are indeed idiots. If you are against abortion that is your right, just as much as it is my right to think that it is the woman's choice and her body to make the decision for herself without anyone else pushing their views on her. Anne if you want to rob yourself of your own choice, that is your prerogative. But when guys rob women of their rights, I definitely have a problem with it.

-sean-

 

[umbrellabeach]

If you are against abortion that is your right, just as much as it is my right to think that it is the woman's choice and her body to make the decision for herself without anyone else pushing their views on her.

Not just herself, but her poor baby as well...

 

[Sean2222]

Not just herself, but her poor baby as well...

You know how I've always said you take yourself and everything way too seriously anne... Well you do . It's cool that you feel so strongly about this, as you do about other things close to your heart. And I'm sure you will probably say that the baby/fetus is a living being and should not be killed (through abortion) no matter what the situation right? Well what about all the babies that come into the world with no stable home and end up in foster care or even much worse. Do you think they grow up being overly happy that their 'parents' had them when they have no identity, feeling of belonging, and are always missing emotionally what others always got. Yes people have sex irrresponsibly, and that's never going to change. That's why I feel so strongly about monogamy, love, and the sense of responsiblity that both parents need to take towards their actions.

I'm glad I proved my point to you in that no two people ever think entirely alike or agree on everything. I'm not putting you down at all for your beliefs, but not every person or situation is the same. And I meant everything I said in that last pm btw

And since the baby or fetus can't truly make any decisions, it has to be the mother doing what is right for herself, her life, family, etc. Pro-Choice is always going to be the only way I see it being totally fair to females to do what is right for them in their own unique situation. Not what a guy tells them to do, not what society tells them to do, not even what another female tells them. But what she has to do for herself and she is totally capable of making that choice for herself.

ttys.
-sean-

 

[hardcore]

I was just reading on another aspie forum about parenting and it seems some aspies would prefer not to have kids, one guy was even talking about getting the snip. Some say this because they dont think they would make fit parents which i think is fair enough but some because they dont want to pass on aspergers to there kids which i dont like the sound of. Why the hell not? I wouldn't care if everyone of my kids has it, i'm not going to see my aspergers as a curse which needs to die out, cause its not. Sure it makes for a harder life but i get by and why cant my kids. I think my kids would be happier with a dad with the same thing which i'm sure most aspies dont have and i'm sure this world needs more aspies am i right?
This is probably like my tenth thread i've made lol oh well i like making them, anyway anyone got any views on this?

Keep in mind though guys that we are human beings first and aspies second despite alot of people in the world today and since WW2 regarding us as less than human. I personally dont want kids ever and yes the aspergers reason is one of them but i also know that the aspergers gene if there is one isnt always passed on. Genetics is always random. Other reasons include that i would make an unfit dad and also heres the big question:

WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO BRING KIDS UP IN A WORLD THAT IS AS INTOLERANT AND OVER POPULATED AS THIS ONE???

Sounds really pessimistic right but at the same time i do have a good point.