Over or Under Reactions?

[Cali Cat]

Ever since I was a kid, I've struggled with how to gauge my reaction to things. It seems I either over react or under react to important events. I sort of live in fear of over reacting, so sometimes I don't react at all when really I should. For example, my boyfriend did something earlier this year that really pissed me off. I think maybe most women would have thrown a fit, and possibly thrown him out as well. It wasn't cheating, but it was lying, and being generally deceptive. I was afraid to go too far because I didn't have time to process my response, so I sort of played it down. This indecision is very frustrating to me. It also relates to another problem I had when I was young: I could rarely tell when someone was being insulting to me, unless they were very direct about it. I didn't know if they were teasing and being serious. Therefore, I would just stand there like a dork and not really react at all. I've at least gotten better about that, but the over/under reaction problem remains. Anyone else experience this?

 

[DogwoodTree]

I do. Sometime it's days before I suddenly realize how hurtful someone was and then I get angry. But if I talk it out, it sounds like I'm just holding grudges and should "let it go." Yes...I do need to get to that point and usually I do. But I still need the opportunity to process the delayed response.

Have you read this book?

How People with Autism Grieve

The author talks about how aspies sometimes take a while to grasp the concept of loss on an emotional level.

 

[Cali Cat]

Yeah, it's like if I wait too long to react, then I feel like I can't come back later and bring it up without looking like I'm being petty. That's something I'll have to explain to the bf ... just in case he does anything else I don't like. Then he'll know why it takes me a week to blow up at him.

I haven't read that book, but I will have to put it on my list. Thanks for the recommendation.

 

[King_Oni]

The notion that there's a certain reaction required seems very odd to me. I always considered response to be something personal, totally regardless of being on the spectrum. The fact that a lot of people seemingly respond to a certain event in a certain way might also show how much people are being taught to respond in a certain way.

 

[clg114]

In our family, my wife is the worrier. I under react to everything. This not something that I try to do, it's just the way I am. It has to be something really bad to worry me. This is just another example of how lost I would be without my wife.

 

[Cali Cat]

The notion that there's a certain reaction required seems very odd to me. I always considered response to be something personal, totally regardless of being on the spectrum.

Yeah, I can see that, but there's a wide range of responses available, and I guess I have trouble determining which reaction fits the offending action. My father was prone to over reacting to very minor infringements. Part of my problem may be not wanting to be like that. Well, that and just not having the time to process the event emotionally. For me, it's like coming up from the depths of the ocean when my emotions are affected. I'm not used to it, so I'm out of my element temporarily until I adjust.

 

[pushpinder]

I sort of live in fear of over reacting, so sometimes I don't react at all when really I should.

I have experienced this many times. I think one of the most important reasons for this was my father who was extremely dominating and I was very conscientious. I was soft hearted and he wont miss a opportunity to insult me. The result would be I would keep all the anguish inside. Gradually I think ive learnt to keep it inside and keep a low profile. Since Im not so smart as normal people, I have learnt to better stay aloof. I go mute in stressful situations. I cannot react and feel myself. I question my own behavior. I hold myself guilty within on hurting anyone's feelings and I really want to come out of this situation bu do not know how.

 

[Judge]

Anyone else experience this?

Depends on the context. Now if someone throws sarcasm my way, it's bound to happen.

When I get lost trying to understand what was said and why. And that in the process I tend to default to surmising that I've just been insulted. Which usually evokes a bad reaction from me. Some folks might consider that inherently constitutes an overreaction.

On the other hand if I keep my composure, I'm not likely to react at all so as not to have to admit I didn't have a clue of what was just said or why it was said.

 

[RaphaPower]

Ever since I was a kid, I've struggled with how to gauge my reaction to things. It seems I either over react or under react to important events. I sort of live in fear of over reacting, so sometimes I don't react at all when really I should. For example, my boyfriend did something earlier this year that really pissed me off. I think maybe most women would have thrown a fit, and possibly thrown him out as well. It wasn't cheating, but it was lying, and being generally deceptive. I was afraid to go too far because I didn't have time to process my response, so I sort of played it down. This indecision is very frustrating to me. It also relates to another problem I had when I was young: I could rarely tell when someone was being insulting to me, unless they were very direct about it. I didn't know if they were teasing and being serious. Therefore, I would just stand there like a dork and not really react at all. I've at least gotten better about that, but the over/under reaction problem remains. Anyone else experience this?

I have experienced this. I always do. Still have trouble with it. Like if my girlfriend says OMG blah blah this about her favorite movie. I tend to underreact. Like I see other people who have no interest in the movie go through the roof because it's polite and I don't want to be rude. It's just not my honest reaction so it's kinda like ahh what do I do and for over reacting YESSS I take things too seriously sometimes I hear it a different way than it comes out. I'm trying to get better but to answer you're question yeah you are not alone in this

 

[RaphaPower]

The notion that there's a certain reaction required seems very odd to me. I always considered response to be something personal, totally regardless of being on the spectrum. The fact that a lot of people seemingly respond to a certain event in a certain way might also show how much people are being taught to respond in a certain way.

Yeah unfortunatly I don't think it's very personal to people because other people can make you feel bad by how you react. So I tend to feel it's wrong to react in my own way which I shouldn't feel but yeah

 

[Melissa Kay]

I could rarely tell when someone was being insulting to me, unless they were very direct about it. I didn't know if they were teasing and being serious. Therefore, I would just stand there like a dork and not really react at all. I've at least gotten better about that, but the over/under reaction problem remains. Anyone else experience this?

I still experience this. I am gullible sometimes and it takes me a while (or someone else to tell me) to figure out that I've been made fun of or vented upon, and when I do its hard to believe its not my fault that they did that. Other times, im overly in tune and think that lots of people dont like me. Aye aye aye!

Over time, I feel like my over/under reactions are better because I look at those around me and mimic often. I've learned my set of social skills that way. The main ones that I have are: thanking people a lot, complimenting them, and asking them lots about themselves. I guess that's a bit off topic but I realized this recently. Still, this under/over reacting is still a bit of a mystery to me, so Im glad for this topic. I look forward to more comments.