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Online gaming friends

A

ayoungaspie

Well-Known Member
I have an interest in online gaming (i.e. Playstation 3 and 4). I have some "network friends" on it, including a small group from school who I used to play with quite a lot a couple of years back, but it hasn't maintained to a consistent level. I was friends with them somewhat as well because they invited me to hang out occasionally, and one of them still gets in touch with me every so often even though I haven't played online with him in a long time.

At one point I got a bit fixated and "attached" and worried I would drift apart from them, which in turn caused me to stop contacting them and wait for them to contact me so that I felt wanted. Mostly I just saw them playing heavily together and not so much with me which got me even more worried. One of them I haven't spoken to in 6 months now.

When I met them in school, I seemed to click with them initially and like I said the contact continued for a while after I left school, but I think I have failed in developing the friendships because I generally have trouble maintaining friendships and now they don't seem that drawn to me? Obviously the "trying to feel wanted" thing didn't help either though.

I guess I would like to be a bit more proactive now and ask to play games and see what happens, especially with the guy who has made a bit more effort to keep in touch, but a lot of the time I feel I don't have the courage and put obstacles in my own way. The fact that they still play regularly together also makes it awkward because I know they are set in those ways. I sense that they probably don't need me and are happy with the currently level of contact, but is that a good enough reason to move on or should I still try?

Can anyone relate to this or give any advice? It is frustrating because I don't see how I can "jump start" the friendships but at the same time I am having trouble letting them go, and ultimately I don't know what the right thing to do is.
 
I think you should give it a try and at least stay in contact. Oftentimes people who want to arrange to play together don't have time to work on someone who doesn't seem interested, and I don't think a game is often seen as a "big deal", either. Quests aren't going to complete themselves.
 
Yeah, I guess it would be good to stay in touch even if I'm not their first option for playing online with. I think part of it is about "online social etiquette" because it feels almost intrusive to ask to join a game (I mean, when those people have a regular routine of playing together).

In regards to keeping in touch, it feels like a real daring move to contact the guy I haven't spoken to for 6 months because of the way I've talked myself into anxiety, if that makes sense. What makes it hard is I don't know whether he is up for a chat or if it will catch him off guard, any number of things. For example, he might be doing something else when I send the message and forget to respond. Even if he responded it might feel like I have nothing to talk about. I'm not sure whether this is fear of rejection or I'm analysing it too much. :confused:

Maybe if I had contacted him say 3 months ago instead of helplessly waiting for him, things would be different.
 
In my experience, most gamers are fine getting an invite to a game. If you're good at what you do, then they'll also get excited to run with you because they know they'll have a good session. Don't feel too shy inviting them for a run or asking to run with them. =)
 
I've been friends with a guy I've played online games with since I was 13. I'm 25 now. You can actually make some really good friends who are more than just some guy you play games with if you really want to put forth the effort.
 
I have some friends I originally met in World of Warcraft many years ago. They are dearer friends to me than anyone I meet in meatspace and I have met some of them. We shared a common bond together and that is far more important and I still talk to them today.
 
I have gaming friends in EvEOnline, never met them but they are as 'real' as anyone else. Hoping to get to Iceland for one of the big fanfests and to actually see my game name on the ruddy great statue there :)
 
I think what is stopping me from trying is because most of my online friends (this group in particular) seem to "fulfill the need" to play online together with other people. In other words I'm not on their radar because they don't really need me since they play with others. Is that a good enough reason to forget about them? I'm not sure one of them is even that bothered about keeping in touch. Of course, the fact that I always waited for them to take the initiative in the past didn't help.

By the way these people I refer to I actually knew in person, but kept in touch to a certain extent through the online gaming. Nevertheless, it's good to hear that others have had success in finding online gaming friends.
 
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I tend to have on-again off-again gaming relationships with those I know in person. If they were fun, I'd say call 'em up and go for it. If they were kinda boring or griefers, I'd hunt a new team.
 
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