Captain Cooper
Member
Would anyone agree that older women would be terrific romantic partners for young autistic men? This has been on my mind lately.
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Older women
- Thread starter Captain Cooper
- Start date
It would really depend on what you mean by "older" and "young man" and who the two people are that are trying to have a partnership. Probably will have more luck if you look to whether or not two people are compatible all around than just their age.
I think couples should be close to the same age.
Captain Cooper
Member
I was thinking men in their twenties & thirties with women in their forties and above.
Captain Cooper
Member
Why do you believe that? Just asking.
Is this about the same person as in your previous thread "Does she like me?"
If it is - Did you ever ask her out? If not, why not?
If it is - Did you ever ask her out? If not, why not?
I am going to suggest this is individualized. I am nearly 60 myself, and have worked within a mostly female nursing and physician staff for the past 40 years. Both men and women go through their life stages as they mature.
That said, my bias would be similar to what @FayetheADHDsquirrel suggested. This is because men and women of a particular generation can relate to one another's life experience from a cultural history, pop culture, generational upbringing, cultural expectations, and maturity level. If there is a significant age gap, it can create cognitive empathy issues, communication issues, and misunderstandings with regards to what is expected of one another. Communication is the cornerstone of any long-lasting, strong relationship. Furthermore, with a significant age difference, a physical relationship might not be satisfying for one or the other due to disparities in libido, hormonal milieu, and physical ability. Being married and being a good life-partner is not solely based upon the physical relationship, but it is an important consideration...especially for an autistic that may struggle with socialization and communication. We generally are not blessed with the "right words at the right time". Some of us may be struggling with low oxytocin and vasopressin...the love hormones...and can only get those hormones to rise through physical touch. If you're a significantly younger man, with a higher libido, she is not going to be as receptive as you would like, creating situations where you may think she is rejecting you...and we all know how some autistics respond to "slights" and rejection. Perimenopause, menopause, ED issues can be a challenge for some couples if one or the other are affected. If both are having issues, then you just deal with it and adapt to your new norm.
My wife and I are very aware of our age and what that means. Both of our expectations and physical abilities have changed over the years. We have that shared understanding...as opposed to say, some other couple with a 20-30 year age gap.
I am not suggesting that these relationships cannot work, but what I am suggesting is that you approach this with some empathy, understanding, and transparent communication with each other.
That said, my bias would be similar to what @FayetheADHDsquirrel suggested. This is because men and women of a particular generation can relate to one another's life experience from a cultural history, pop culture, generational upbringing, cultural expectations, and maturity level. If there is a significant age gap, it can create cognitive empathy issues, communication issues, and misunderstandings with regards to what is expected of one another. Communication is the cornerstone of any long-lasting, strong relationship. Furthermore, with a significant age difference, a physical relationship might not be satisfying for one or the other due to disparities in libido, hormonal milieu, and physical ability. Being married and being a good life-partner is not solely based upon the physical relationship, but it is an important consideration...especially for an autistic that may struggle with socialization and communication. We generally are not blessed with the "right words at the right time". Some of us may be struggling with low oxytocin and vasopressin...the love hormones...and can only get those hormones to rise through physical touch. If you're a significantly younger man, with a higher libido, she is not going to be as receptive as you would like, creating situations where you may think she is rejecting you...and we all know how some autistics respond to "slights" and rejection. Perimenopause, menopause, ED issues can be a challenge for some couples if one or the other are affected. If both are having issues, then you just deal with it and adapt to your new norm.
My wife and I are very aware of our age and what that means. Both of our expectations and physical abilities have changed over the years. We have that shared understanding...as opposed to say, some other couple with a 20-30 year age gap.
I am not suggesting that these relationships cannot work, but what I am suggesting is that you approach this with some empathy, understanding, and transparent communication with each other.
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My wife and I are 3.5 years apartmarried 45 years still notice differences in age when we reminice about high school I had graduated college before she had graduated high school She was dancing in disco bars I was watching live bands.
It feels strange (disturbing even) to me for someone to be looking to date/marry someone who is old enough to be their parent or young enough to be their child. In addition to this reason, @Neonatal RRT brings up some good points as well.
How much older? The OP never really specified quantitatively what age gap he was thinking about.
In real terms though I seldom hear about wildly younger/older couples other than those with some kind of notoriety usually associated with entertainment. The relationship I had involved a woman who was seven years older than I was. But we were still part of the same generation as Boomers.
In the relationships I did have with women, none of them were ever my exact age.
Frankly in general I'd be reticent to rely on the marital history of much of any Hollywood personalities as a benchmark to estimate or eschew my chances of a successful marriage!
In real terms though I seldom hear about wildly younger/older couples other than those with some kind of notoriety usually associated with entertainment. The relationship I had involved a woman who was seven years older than I was. But we were still part of the same generation as Boomers.
In the relationships I did have with women, none of them were ever my exact age.
Frankly in general I'd be reticent to rely on the marital history of much of any Hollywood personalities as a benchmark to estimate or eschew my chances of a successful marriage!
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Captain Cooper
Member
Aren't they just other adults if you're not related?
I 100% think older women are fantastic for romantic partners. They have always been my preferred partners. Less than 5% of my partners were my age or younger.
It depends on the woman, the dynamics of the relationship, and sometimes the age gap.
The nurturing instinct would need to be strong in her if you want someone to sort of take care of you. That has not been my motivation though. With someone nurturing you run the risk of becoming a burden if you don’t have anything to offer in the relationship.
The bigger the age gap the more likely it is purely physical (but not always). That is not necessarily a bad thing unless you see it to be. In addition, the bigger the age gap the more difficult it can be to relate or have things in common.
I prefer to date or be in a relationship with women about 6 to 12 years older than me. That is just my personal preference though, as I see women around 50-55 to be the most attractive. I look forward to the next chance with one (after the staying single phase I am currently in).
I have been in relationships or dated several women in that age range and only about 30% or less were truly the nurturing type.
It depends on the woman, the dynamics of the relationship, and sometimes the age gap.
The nurturing instinct would need to be strong in her if you want someone to sort of take care of you. That has not been my motivation though. With someone nurturing you run the risk of becoming a burden if you don’t have anything to offer in the relationship.
The bigger the age gap the more likely it is purely physical (but not always). That is not necessarily a bad thing unless you see it to be. In addition, the bigger the age gap the more difficult it can be to relate or have things in common.
I prefer to date or be in a relationship with women about 6 to 12 years older than me. That is just my personal preference though, as I see women around 50-55 to be the most attractive. I look forward to the next chance with one (after the staying single phase I am currently in).
I have been in relationships or dated several women in that age range and only about 30% or less were truly the nurturing type.
My wife robbed the cradle with me. She was six months older than me!
My wife is two years older to the day!
(That makes it easier to remember her birthday.
)
(That makes it easier to remember her birthday.
)
In my experience, single older women are generally not terrific romantic partners for anyone. The good ones are taken, except for very rare and brief transitions.
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