Obtaining Satisfaction

[frostman]

Hello,

I'm searching for solutions to a certain issue: I cannot seem to derive satisfaction from my efforts and achievements. I am a student. To be clear, I don't have anything significant to my name. I have won no awards, nor have I produced any sort of project; I play no instruments nor partake in any sport (I exercise frequently, but, having in my childhood faced much difficulty with sports and instruments, did not pursue them).

I achieve very good grades and my schoolfellows consider me to be intelligent. Others' opinions about me range from favourable to very positive. In short, I am not remarkable, but without doubt I lead a good life, perhaps even slightly above average. Despite this, I constantly experience a sense of dissatisfaction and disappointment with myself. I minimise, dismiss or ignore my consistently good performance in school and without it. My family and acquaintances seem to appreciate my progress better than I do.

Introspection has suggested to me that perhaps I am presently unable to attain such a state, even if I were much higher achieving than I currently am; this, however, is far from certain. I wish to ask you whether you may have any experience or information which may elucidate this phenomenon; I'm looking for means to overcome this, but your thoughts on the matter are also highly appreciated.

My Thanks.

 

[Outdated]

I was a tradesman, a printer. I had a friend that confided he was envious of me one day. He said he didn't envy the hard physical work I did but the fact that I got to see pallets of work I'd completed at the end of every day. He'd always had clerical jobs and he had to rely on other people's comments to know if he was doing a good job or not.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Welcome to the club. your just a typical Aspie. The only award I have ever won is a shooting trophy in high school my kids broke it a few years later. Once you get in to the work force then things may start to happen, Drove me nuts no promotion, changed positions still not moving, got more education still dead in the water, Noticed over time I could see stuff co workers could not see so obvious to me. Started doing it my way ignoring supervisors management. Then they started noticing my stuff was working. Not Being a good communicator, they just started leaving me to my own devices, If it works leave him alone. I made a point of learning what was need to solve what I could see took a course on paint flow and pigment dispersion as I watched colour move at on an appliance when painted had no idea why had a theory sure enough in the text book was a formuladecribing fluid flowing through a pipe which I got immediately as I had graduated as an engineering technologist years prior, So did the calculation yes it explained why the colour moved. Years later I set up a lab set up so I could predict the movement prior to using the ink or paint on the process, really confused the chemists as they knew nothing about fluid flow through pipes. This bit of knowledge to this day is not common in the coating manufacturing industry. Made my employer a leader in colour control. No award no credit just very satisfying. This is just one example did this a number of times. Coating adhesion issues, for example. So common see it on automobiles, so easy to fix at process level.

 

[717]

In my experience you dont get satisfaction from things you have to do, like school or a job. And if you really enjoy doing something, do not turn that into your main source of income.

I am probably no a good example to follow in life lessons, anyway... But you are asking for advice... so... lol

Those things you gave up on, because they are hard, are actually a good idea to pursue, but I would not recommend doing them in the school environment, just on your own. Also if you have an interest or passion for something, that also are good ideas to follow... What you need to do is to create the time and the place to follow this things...

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My hobby is physics, nothing to do with my employment just like thinking about it see my physics thread. really satisfying and fun. Took physics in high school not exceptionally good at it did not know my real skill was visualizing stuff in my head. My first position, after graduating college, not university was industrial painting. as a lab tech. Noticed book on controlling colour took it home, read it really enjoyed it. Then over time it turned into my life's work, got really good at it. I guess you could say world class expert. So you never know. I assume your one of us what are your interests are you exceptional in some way, maybe unknown to you. I like being organized, my final and last position required this skill. My lab was full of filing cabinets, Wet paint samples and ink in flame proof cabinets everything organized. Not some thing you learn I just do it innately, like the feeling of being organized.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I understand, sort of. I am totally neutral when it comes to my own efforts or achievements. "Oh that is over". "That is done". "Hmm, I actually finished this time." is about all my brain will give me for finishing something.

What I have found is that my heart pours over with endless sympathy when I find out someone I love is hurting. If I can make their little world the smallest bit brighter, and their life the tiniest bit easier, Oh how it makes my heart glad to see them smile.

To know, even if you're hurting, that someone else, even a stranger, has got a full belly, a warmer jacket, reunited with loved ones, a warm cuppa cheer, maybe something sparkly just because... even if you are destitute and sick, yes.. GIVING and SHARING and BEING KIND and LOVING.. that is the meaning of life.

Share love. Make happiness abound in others.

Maybe your future lies in philanthropy. Perhaps you should read the Bible, live a humble life, and give your strength and talents help others. Perhaps that would make your life seem fulfilled.

Maybe sponsor a child in a war torn country? Help the homeless? Build a community garden? But also, the people you love- whatever their need is, try and meet it. Be the change. You were given two hands and a brain for a reason. Help and love with all your might.

Do unto others. And give unto others. Help someone you really care about to smile.

 

[Masked Man]

Well, if your profile is correct, you're 17. You're in school because presumably you have to be in school. It's not a choice that you made. So no, you're not going to get any lift from that because you don't place any value on it.

When I did both my undergrad and graduate degrees, I got a LOT of lift from my achievements because I chose to be there. I valued it a lot.

Continue to do your schooling because that is important (even though you don't place any value on it), but also do something you enjoy, whatever it is.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Hello,

I'm searching for solutions to a certain issue: I cannot seem to derive satisfaction from my efforts and achievements.

A few thoughts on this... one being that if you have any degree of alexithymia, you might not be aware of those subtle sensations we call "feelings". Sure, if they are extreme, we feel those deeply, almost an "out-of-control" intensity... but the every day little ups and downs... you might not... it just is "neutral". Two, you might not have had the opportunity to put yourself into a situation where you were truly challenged... like your well-being quite literally depended upon it... steep consequences for failure looming in your mind... but you focused, put yourself through some extreme discomfort, and you overcame. Those victories in life are far and few between... and you might not experience those until you are truly out on your own, with nobody to give you support. You against the world situations. Three, sometimes you don't or won't appreciate what you've accomplished over time. I am a few years out from retirement from a 40+ year career in health care. Sometimes it just seems like a job, but the people you are helping might not see it that way. I have had parents stop me out in public thanking me for "saving the life" of their child... incredibly grateful... a little strange to think that "just doing my job" had impacted their lives in such meaningful ways. I look back at all the students I taught over the years, how their lives turned out, how they have passed along my knowledge as their own to the next generations. I can look back now and be proud of what I have done... but in the moment, it seemed almost meaningless to me.

I am a student. To be clear, I don't have anything significant to my name. I have won no awards, nor have I produced any sort of project; I play no instruments nor partake in any sport (I exercise frequently, but, having in my childhood faced much difficulty with sports and instruments, did not pursue them).

Some things in life are not like this. It's pretty rare that anyone receives awards in life for doing something truly exceptional... it's what makes those rare moments quite special... not everyone receives them... that's the entire point of it.

I achieve very good grades and my schoolfellows consider me to be intelligent. Others' opinions about me range from favourable to very positive. In short, I am not remarkable, but without doubt I lead a good life, perhaps even slightly above average. Despite this, I constantly experience a sense of dissatisfaction and disappointment with myself. I minimise, dismiss or ignore my consistently good performance in school and without it. My family and acquaintances seem to appreciate my progress better than I do.

We are often our own worst critics. It is good to have high standards and to work hard to achieve those high standards. My entire life has been around doing things better than others... I set a high bar for myself... I don't expect others to meet them. If I receive some recognition for high performance... that is nice... but I am not one to seek out that validation or attention... best not to, in my opinion. I do my thing and pay little attention to others who might be "meeting expectations" in terms of their performance.

Introspection has suggested to me that perhaps I am presently unable to attain such a state, even if I were much higher achieving than I currently am; this, however, is far from certain. I wish to ask you whether you may have any experience or information which may elucidate this phenomenon; I'm looking for means to overcome this, but your thoughts on the matter are also highly appreciated.

My Thanks.

I am not sure that this is a "phenomenon that needs to be overcome" per se. Do be critical of yourself. Set a high bar for performance... for yourself. Be competitive with yourself... but also have a sense of humor and philosophical when you screw something up. Nobody gains wisdom without having made mistakes first. This is the key... if you are going to do this, you do it for yourself. If you are constantly looking for recognition and awards from others... that borders on narcissism, neediness, and is not a healthy approach to life... and you will be perpetually disappointed... and the people around you will see right through it.

Self satisfaction comes from within... not from others.