NTs seem to be either unable or unwilling to grasp the concept of executive dysfunction

[onlything]

As a side note, I think this kind of an invalidation of one's troubles is quite common, not only in this instance - it is the same in case of mental illnesses like depression, invisible sicknesses and chronic pain.

For example, the amount of invalidation of any form towards depression is astounding ('just stay positive!', 'get over it!' for instance).

Concerning sickness, my friend has one where her body recognises some parts as alien and attacks them which causes chronic pain on daily basis - yet she regularly meets with people telling her 'others have problems too', 'stop overreacting' etc. If it's invisible, people will treat it as nonexistent.

I have the same problem lately since my diagnosis of the great saphenous vein incompetency - it's not visible but the failure of the vein causes pain, especially when standing, but even when lying, yet mentioning it or taking a pill causes my family to say how 'I'm oversensitive because of my diagnosis' and that 'All is fine, stop complaining'. To their knowledge, no, it's not, it feels bloated, heavy and painful similarly to a dead inflamed tooth, thank you very much, and it started long before the diagnosis. I know what I feel, for God's sake.

People talk so much about empathy - but where is it when it counts?

 

[Kalinychta]

I understand exactly what the OP means. Anyone who experiences executive dysfunction completely gets it. I think the ideal is to get to a point where you simply accept that others aren’t willing to understand. They think you are just lazy and obstinate. It’s so frustrating and hurtful. But you can’t control them. Seriously, you can’t. Try to just accept their closed-mindedness. You are who you are.

 

[Running Girl]

I don't know if this will help, but one of the best bits of advise I got from my therapist was never to explain what I can't do or why, but to just state what I can do. Like, "I can get that done in 2 weeks" and if the reply is "can't you find time for that this week?" My answer is, "nope
In 2 weeks I can do it". That sort of thing.
No apologies, explanations, or persuasion whatsoever. I CAN do this much, at this time . Or even, "I am not able to. " no need to explain.

 

[kettenkrad]

No, more about not being able to consistently take action to complete a goal, or being really enthusiastic about a goal and then having trouble starting and/or losing focus/interest really quickly, only to continue to try again and have the same result.

Have you tried to get meds for ADHD? My best friend recently went on them. After some problems finding the right meds and the right dose, they made his life *much* easier.

If you can't get meds, some people find a SMALL quantity of nicotine can help. Like the equivalent of 1/2 a cigarette a day but delivered over more time than smoking 1/2 a cigarette would take - eg using a low dose nicotine patch or vaping very nicotine "juice" several times a day.

 

[SDRSpark]

I don't know if this will help, but one of the best bits of advise I got from my therapist was never to explain what I can't do or why, but to just state what I can do. Like, "I can get that done in 2 weeks" and if the reply is "can't you find time for that this week?" My answer is, "nope
In 2 weeks I can do it". That sort of thing.
No apologies, explanations, or persuasion whatsoever. I CAN do this much, at this time . Or even, "I am not able to. " no need to explain.

This is great advice. I've found that myself when setting boundaries. Don't give them ANY information as to why you can't do it (and it's common to feel the need to explain) - they WILL try to poke holes in whatever explanation you give them.

"No" is a complete sentence.

I have issues with people who know my work schedule and assume that if I'm not at work, I'm available to do things for them. It doesn't work like that. "Nope, can't do it! Sorry!" is all you can/should say. "I have plans/a prior commitment" also works; (be careful with that one, because it opens the door for them to ask what your plans are, which they will then try to poke holes in to get you to do the thing they want you to do).

 

[Ezra]

My family understands it. And the teachers at the special ed schools I attended understood it. But they pushed me to try overcoming it as best as I could. I'm glad mostly no one threw up their hands and gave up on trying to motivate me.

 

[dhl02]

Have you tried to get meds for ADHD? My best friend recently went on them. After some problems finding the right meds and the right dose, they made his life *much* easier.

If you can't get meds, some people find a SMALL quantity of nicotine can help. Like the equivalent of 1/2 a cigarette a day but delivered over more time than smoking 1/2 a cigarette would take - eg using a low dose nicotine patch or vaping very nicotine "juice" several times a day.

Yeah, I have. I've had horrible psychological reactions to stimulants though. I am also bipolar and they make me manic(and borderline psychotic) more than anything else.