Hi all,
Previously I posted " Is this a spectrum?.." and the answers led to a direction of dark triad. It's not that. I'm going to summarise the behavior is in front of me.
1. Yesterday Raam came in the morning unannounced to pick up some clothed for the" Boss".
He didn't make an eye contact. I found it strange and forced him to look at me. Didn't go far. He didn't have much time and in the contract he was defensive, and yelling.
2 two days ago in the evening Raam, the Boss and a third person came after a full day of purchasing the land. Of all Raam was overwhelm, he would curl up on the chair and cover his eyes. He looked like little life is left in him.
Now general:
1. He's 31 yo man. Was a hotel me manager, and making parties, he was drinking heavily. He had relationship of 3 y, and got dumped. I meet him in the lock down period, so u don't know him from that period. When I met him he had quit drinking for a month, and now he didn't have a sip not intends to.
2. Buy conclusion I thought he's very social person. Yet very soon he started to ponder why he had no friends? I didn't understand it and thought it was random existential questions we may have from times to times.
BUT it's not like that at all:
- he has no emotional contact with anybody, to some extent with me.
- he thinks by himself for himself, no human imput easily gets in the computing.
- he tries to please people based on his observations that are logical to him. I like fish, so he would bring it, or please me in the ways I find unnecessary, or even silly, i remember saying don't calculate how please me it's not working that way.
Not having friends is not that minor, since he genuinely doesn't understand human contact.
- yet if he calculates that it's emergency or that he's needed he over acts, over exert himself so he ends up as described in the beginning.
He is alone in this world, exhausted by his calculations and now he seems on the edge of a collapse.
I don't want to make it words than it is. I saw a video that if avoiding eye contact he shouldn't be forced to have it. Wel I did the opposite, i forced it. He's talking and deface mechanisms are useless, ye costing him too much energy.
Now what should I "do". De facto we are connected so "leaving" is not an option. If staying i must educate myself. I don't feel it as an easy task, where, how. Some videos hit the spot, some don't... It seems i did more damage than good. But i have also my life and my needs, and he does feel like a burden but at the same time like a good person completely lost in what he sees as a demand of others, and that's sad.
Before he would come to my place and now that i think of it use it to recharge. But with this guest house, I present the problems and now it's one more thing that he ( can't) has to do.
So since i can't be out of it for now, what to do?
Hope I made some sense out of this mess...
Exhausted from nothing Jox
Previously I posted " Is this a spectrum?.." and the answers led to a direction of dark triad. It's not that. I'm going to summarise the behavior is in front of me.
1. Yesterday Raam came in the morning unannounced to pick up some clothed for the" Boss".
He didn't make an eye contact. I found it strange and forced him to look at me. Didn't go far. He didn't have much time and in the contract he was defensive, and yelling.
2 two days ago in the evening Raam, the Boss and a third person came after a full day of purchasing the land. Of all Raam was overwhelm, he would curl up on the chair and cover his eyes. He looked like little life is left in him.
Now general:
1. He's 31 yo man. Was a hotel me manager, and making parties, he was drinking heavily. He had relationship of 3 y, and got dumped. I meet him in the lock down period, so u don't know him from that period. When I met him he had quit drinking for a month, and now he didn't have a sip not intends to.
2. Buy conclusion I thought he's very social person. Yet very soon he started to ponder why he had no friends? I didn't understand it and thought it was random existential questions we may have from times to times.
BUT it's not like that at all:
- he has no emotional contact with anybody, to some extent with me.
- he thinks by himself for himself, no human imput easily gets in the computing.
- he tries to please people based on his observations that are logical to him. I like fish, so he would bring it, or please me in the ways I find unnecessary, or even silly, i remember saying don't calculate how please me it's not working that way.
Not having friends is not that minor, since he genuinely doesn't understand human contact.
- yet if he calculates that it's emergency or that he's needed he over acts, over exert himself so he ends up as described in the beginning.
He is alone in this world, exhausted by his calculations and now he seems on the edge of a collapse.
I don't want to make it words than it is. I saw a video that if avoiding eye contact he shouldn't be forced to have it. Wel I did the opposite, i forced it. He's talking and deface mechanisms are useless, ye costing him too much energy.
Now what should I "do". De facto we are connected so "leaving" is not an option. If staying i must educate myself. I don't feel it as an easy task, where, how. Some videos hit the spot, some don't... It seems i did more damage than good. But i have also my life and my needs, and he does feel like a burden but at the same time like a good person completely lost in what he sees as a demand of others, and that's sad.
Before he would come to my place and now that i think of it use it to recharge. But with this guest house, I present the problems and now it's one more thing that he ( can't) has to do.
So since i can't be out of it for now, what to do?
Hope I made some sense out of this mess...
Exhausted from nothing Jox