Not sure whether to go to this meeting or not?

[Frostee]

In relation to the conflict I had at an Autistic group.

I have not been to the group for 4 weeks, the mediator has not contacted me to ask why I am not going. I don’t think she cares. In fact I almost think she doesn’t want me there.

I requested a meeting with her, my mother and I. Her response today was that yes she would do a meeting but it would have to be with her and her manager.

I don’t know whether to go now. Here’s how I feel:

- I am hurt at how she has disciplined me and come down on me like a tonne of bricks whilst allowing these three to ostracise me AND not acknowledging my concerns about their behaviour.
- we have treated her very well anytime she has came to our house. I and my family have had no conflict with her.
- The fact that she is bringing a manager says to me that she does not want to listen to what I have to say and is not going to apologise or admit that she did anything wrong.
- She does not seem to have my interests at heart in the sense that she’s only wants to defend herself and is not concerned about the fact that I am annoyed and hurt.

I am feeling very hurt, a non valued member of the group, that she does not care and that she is supporting them. I feel that I have been sidelined.

I DO NOT KNOW why.

I don’t know if I should go to this meeting, because she is just going to say “I am sorry you feel that way” and she is not going to admit to wrongdoing.

The manager being there is going to intimidate me and feel that so am being boxed in.

 

[tree]

The mediator has agreed to meet with you.
This means you will have opportunity to state your position.
The manager will attend to provide a non-partial observer.

 

[Frostee]

The mediator has agreed to meet with you.
This means you will have opportunity to state your position.
The manager will attend to provide a non-partial observer.

She doesn’t want to listen to me though.

 

[tree]

Sounds like you believe no one will listen to you,
that you will be treated unfairly,
and there is no point to attending the meeting.

 

[Aspychata]

It could be protocol that her boss has to be there, with any meeting with a member, not just you. You could carefully think about what you want to say in a Non Accuser tone. Like try going in to understand what happened and where do things stand, and do you have support and how can you learn from this.

That would be a win win for You and them. But if you go in with a negative attitude then you put the manager on defensive mode.

It's fantastic to hear you are attending this group. I am extremely impressed. It maybe out of your comfort zone for awhile but it will get better!!

 

[Loren]

In relation to the conflict I had at an Autistic group.

I have not been to the group for 4 weeks, the mediator has not contacted me to ask why I am not going. I don’t think she cares. In fact I almost think she doesn’t want me there.

I requested a meeting with her, my mother and I. Her response today was that yes she would do a meeting but it would have to be with her and her manager.

I don’t know whether to go now. Here’s how I feel:

- I am hurt at how she has disciplined me and come down on me like a tonne of bricks whilst allowing these three to ostracise me AND not acknowledging my concerns about their behaviour.
- we have treated her very well anytime she has came to our house. I and my family have had no conflict with her.
- The fact that she is bringing a manager says to me that she does not want to listen to what I have to say and is not going to apologise or admit that she did anything wrong.
- She does not seem to have my interests at heart in the sense that she’s only wants to defend herself and is not concerned about the fact that I am annoyed and hurt.

I am feeling very hurt, a non valued member of the group, that she does not care and that she is supporting them. I feel that I have been sidelined.

I DO NOT KNOW why.

I don’t know if I should go to this meeting, because she is just going to say “I am sorry you feel that way” and she is not going to admit to wrongdoing.

The manager being there is going to intimidate me and feel that so am being boxed in.

I empathize with you, as I know what it is like to be ostracized, with no one to listen/ understand/ be of support.

Perhaps, you could attend the meeting, with no expectations, and, despite knowing you could feel 'boxed in'/ be pushed into a corner. Just to see how things might pan out, if in fact, it would be worth it to you. Perhaps the mediator will learn something and the manager will understand what you've been contending with, and take appropriate action - or, the meeting could, simply, confirm that this particular group is not for you. I, personally, wouldn't want to attend/ be part of a group that consists of people who would ostracize me, or anyone else.

 

[Misery]

All I'll say is... just be careful. Dont get your expectations too high, when trying out and joining groups like this.

Some groups like this are good, and some are not. Some START OUT good, but turn bad.

I remember one I went to. It seemed good at first. And indeed, it could have been good. But this one guy would turn every meeting, ALL of them, into 60 minutes of him whining about how he didnt have a girlfriend and couldnt get one and blah blah blah blah. Nobody else could get a word in, and so the whole thing was of use to freaking nobody. Worst part was? I had to drive about an hour to get there. Each time I hoped it would be the time he finally stopped that, but.... nope. I had to just give up after awhile.

Yet I had another one later on that was quite nice. Though unfortunately they ran out of resources to continue it after awhile.

My point is, you cant know how these will be until you get to them. Perhaps considering finding a new one and giving it a shot, but dont get your hopes up TOO high, yet dont go in automatically expecting the worst either.

I'd certainly encourage you to try finding another one. When they're good, they're really good.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

- I am hurt at how she has disciplined me and come down on me like a tonne of bricks whilst allowing these three to ostracise me AND not acknowledging my concerns about their behaviour.

I feel like I've missed part of the story, what were you disciplined for and how?

Anyway having the manager there is probably just protocol, and it will ensure that there is an impartial participant there to protect both you and the organiser. Try not to feel attacked or dismissed just because people are doing their jobs.

Does the reason you asked to meet no longer matter? If it doesn't, don't go. If it does, then why not go? It is your chance to say your piece and hear her response, regardless of whether the meeting goes your way or not.

The manager being there is going to intimidate me and feel that so am being boxed in.

All the more reason to go, get some life experience and exposure therapy, you are going to have to get used to situations with authority figures that intimidate you once you get a job.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

World is not a fair place, social world (human society) even though presented as fair is actually not as well.

No one will admit to their wrong doing or be just with you if this is not in their best interests (people have personal agenda).

People who try to avoid conflicts & disappointing others ("yes man") will always get disappointed themselves.

 

[Frostee]

World is not a fair place, social world (human society) even though presented as fair is actually not as well.

No one will admit to their wrong doing or be just with you if this is not in their best interests (people have personal agenda).

People who try to avoid conflicts & disappointing others ("yes man") will always get disappointed themselves.

A meditator in a social group, particularly an autistic social group should always be impartial.