Not feeling at ease

[Suzanne]

I love the times when I am on my own ie hubby is at work, because then I feel I can be myself and not have him breathing down my neck, but today, which is such a day as having the whole day to myself, I am panicking; have tiny flutters of anxiety hitting my tummy and just an overall sense of feeling very alone and think I know why, but there is not a great deal I can do about it and wonder if any of you feel similar?

I used to be obsessed with Anne of Green Gables and thus, got all the books and that went on to the tv production, because of curiosity with seeing things in action that I read about, but inevitably, I am always disappointed because they insisted on changing things!

Well, it has been some years since this obsession but recently, my husband suggested us watching Anne of Green Gables and at first, I was not keen, for that is how my obsessions go, I get bored and really don't want anything to do with them after the pattern has been changed, but I did watch and suddenly felt the need to watch more but the original ( as I remember the series from childhood) but there is another series of adaptions that put her in war scenes and I just hate that and it is nothing to do with books, so in my "obsessed" state, I am hunting avidly online for the original series and although find them, have trouble downloading and even had to restart my laptop to an earlier time. I then found it on ebay and whoa did something I NEVER do! I paid just over £17 with postage and packaging free; pretty soon, I start to regret HEAVILY and so planned on returning the dvd, so that I can recoup my money. The trouble is that the only source of "income" I have is via a credit card and my husband refuses point blank to put any money in there; he has on occasions shown a loving spirit and topped my card up but I cannot pay back straight away. So basically, I went to order some cross stitch silks, for a project that I wish to do for a close friend, but horror, found that I do not have any money in my account, due to this stupid purchase and if I am honest, it feels just AWFUL to not have a penny to my name, despite being at home; I feel trapped and hence this disquieting feeling, as hubby won't be back til late this evening!

Oh and I live in a different country, which I have never reconciled myself too with absolute certainty; it is a case of coping because I have no choice. I can speak French to a certain point, but feel so "childlike" vulnerable and so, there is just currently no chance of braving it and finding a little job.

I am planning on working towards getting a car that one does not need a license and I just feel in my heart, it will give me a boost of confidence to go out on my own.

I am sincerely hoping that I can send this dvd back and recover my money, for as strange as it is, I feel comforted knowing I have a bit of money on my credit card.

 

[Karma]

Oh I feel you If I don't get my "me" time I get quite anxious but at the same time if hubby is out late, eg , working late or at his parents longer than usual ( thats how unsocial I am I can't even sit through a convo with his immediate family without taking flight and exploring there garden for an hour or so they find that quite rude even after so many years ) any way , I'm very unsettled , even though I'm not to chatty when he's hear , just to know he's there is what I need ,


Oh and TV movie adaptions drive me bonkers but I just can not seem to stem my curiosity and always end up bitterly disappointed also ,

Ebay , I actually run an online kids clothing store and ebay is one of my selling platforms on the listing there should be a returns policy that should give you some indication as to weather they do change of mind returns I know I do but the buyer pays for the return postage and the refund is minus the postage cost we incurred when we sent the item,


Also I can't fathom what it would be like to live in foreign country if you are anything like me social interaction is hard enough but to top it off with another language , well I simpily don't think I'd leave my house , I'm not to great with the mushie stuff but I realy do hope you find some sort of peace with were your at , in the mean time I'm always hear to chear you up ( at the very least entertain you ) with my strange and wacky humor that very few seem to get the gist off , but oh well I shall persist

 

[Suzanne]

Thank you so much for taking the time, Karma, to reply.

The good news is that I pushed myself out of my procrastination lol and first got in touch with the person in the UK, to ask if this did had arrived and if so, would it be a lot of hassle to send it back? If yes, no worries. Not heard back from him, but I took the plunge and emailed the seller and explained it all and happily he says that once it is in my possession, no problem in sending back and so that is a huge relief. Oh and I am a seller too but do not offer returns for I sell my own things and have had ones trying to dupe me.

Oh dear, phoned hubby and got a rebuff from him; too busy to talk, so there you go. He doesn't like me to say the same, but I am choosing to ignore his attitude because it is really more hassle than it is worth, to argue with him ie very tiring.

I usually am busy but just today, one of those days when loneliness is hitting and yet, if someone did pop around, I would with they didn't.

Sure it has to do with having an empty purse.

 

[Tia Maria]

Suzanne, I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious & disquieted today.

This is just a bit of practical advice you may want to consider & discuss with your husband. I preface it with saying first that I'm sure he works very hard, & he seems to be a good provider. You have complained that he does not "take care" of you as he originally promised when you first married many years ago, but he actually does, financially speaking.

But still, a non-working spouse needs to have some financial independence, so they don't feel powerless & even like a child (versus equal partner) in the relationship.

Many one income couples include "mad money" type accounts for each spouse in the family budget. FYI that if your husband literally controls the budget & all spending decisions, he could either start including you in that process, or perhaps he doesn't need his own "mad money" funds.

Anyway, It's like a monthly or weekly allowance, providing you with a known & guaranteed amount of money allotted to you on a scheduled basis which you could spend in any way you desired, & not have to account for or explain etc... It would be YOUR money to do with whatever you wished. This would replace you getting a small job outside the home to earn some money for yourself, which you say is not feasible.

Ideally, you would discuss & decide on the amount together versus him just telling you how much you should receive. That said, some spouses have no desire to actually be part of the family budgeting & financial decision making because it can be stressful to deal with. So of course, whatever works for you two would be appropriate. But I do think it would be reasonable for you to receive a set allowance to spend as you like without worry.

 

[CloudRomy]

I was obsessed with Anne of Green Gables for a long time as a child and also have all the books. I too disliked Anne the Continuing Story but I loved the earlier series. The type of anxiety you describe is familiar, I hope you feel restored today

 

[Judge]

Seems to me under the existing circumstances, perhaps there's a window of opportunity open for you to do one thing that appears "central" to most everything else.

Learn French enough to feel confident about attempting to get a job.

A way to get your life moving in a positive direction, whatever you decide. To make some money and develop your own sense of independence. At that point you'll be in a position to direct your own life rather than be totally dependent on another.

Perhaps your husband would be pleased if you were to acquire "Rosetta Stone" for French. Just a thought, anyways...