No goals, existing but not really living?

[yesithinkso]

Anyone else in the same boat? Especially lately I feel like I'm just existing rather than living. Yeah I have a job, but I can barely pay my rent and therefore don't do much else. I did go to college and have a bachelor's degree, but I never knew what to do with my degree and by now I've lost all interest in the field I was majoring in. I used to agonize over not having friends, but by now it's not even a concern anymore I'm so used to doing everything alone (also, I think being surrounded by coworkers seven days a week has helped with my need for socializing).

Honestly, I don't know if I have goals other than to not lose my job so I could pay my rent. I guess the usual recommendation would be to find a better job, but I do so poorly at interviews (and, during the course of my current job, discovered that I'm a spaz who can't multitask and not as detail-oriented as I previously thought) I feel like I should feel grateful i even have this job.

 

[Nacho]

I am very young to say this probably, but I sometimes feel like the same. I'm at my second year of university and every week is just like the previous one, with fears about a lot of things and being around people. My worries are passing my grades and my life revolves around this topic, which makes me feel very sad sometimes.

What would I suggest you -if you're asking for advice-?
Well, I would suggest you to do what you've always wanted to do. If you want to be a fireman, or a policeman, or help in a foreign country people with other needs, or you like stargazing, then, be it! Make a career out of it. There's always something, and I strongly believe you have something you've always wanted to do -and, like you're talking, I think your job is not it-.

Have a good day,
Nacho


EDIT: I know starting to study or something new will leave you jobless for some time -I'd suggest reaching out to some people for help during the process, even if I'm a person who doesn't like being helped a lot-.

 

[Marmot]

Rhetorical question Yesithinkso,

Is it that you truly have no goals what so ever and that you are in bare-bones survival mode 24/7, or is it that you have no active goals on the front burner, that you’re actively and aggressively pursuing as much as you’d like to at present time?

I procrastinate, slack, avoid, fear, loathe, and dread being proactive about most things just as much as everyone else here on this forum, but that certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t have any goals to begin with, it means I’m just more comfortable sitting on my bean bag in front of the fireplace than I am taking the risk and absorbing the discomfort it takes to pursue them.......

You gotta have something simmering on ultra low heat on the back burner, the trick is getting that to the front burner and turning up the heat on it !

 

[Progster]

Yes, I feel like this. I feel like I'm just hanging around life waiting to die. It would help if I had something to look forward to, but I don't. I don't have a lot of money, either. In winter the feeling is worse.

 

[StephF]

Most definitely

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Yes. I've felt like this for a while. I had this when I was working 9-5 on a crappy job, and I feel it now trying to pull myself out of this hole from dealing with anxiety, the depression, the possible psychosis and the ticcing. I go to support groups, do voluntary work, take medication and yet I still feel like this. In terms of happiness I rate myself at 3 out of 10. I hate transition periods.

 

[royinpink]

Anyone else in the same boat? Especially lately I feel like I'm just existing rather than living. Yeah I have a job, but I can barely pay my rent and therefore don't do much else. I did go to college and have a bachelor's degree, but I never knew what to do with my degree and by now I've lost all interest in the field I was majoring in. I used to agonize over not having friends, but by now it's not even a concern anymore I'm so used to doing everything alone (also, I think being surrounded by coworkers seven days a week has helped with my need for socializing).

Honestly, I don't know if I have goals other than to not lose my job so I could pay my rent. I guess the usual recommendation would be to find a better job, but I do so poorly at interviews (and, during the course of my current job, discovered that I'm a spaz who can't multitask and not as detail-oriented as I previously thought) I feel like I should feel grateful i even have this job.

I definitely relate. And it is so hard to get out of this state once in it... and when I'm there I tend to worry about "meaning" and "goals" and "career paths" and "fundamental incompatibility with friends/life/jobs" as you do which seems like the root problem at the time. Whether that's right or not, it really isn't the first step of getting out of a funk. A few things seem to help:

1) A good book that gets my mind working. Not escapism--that'll just make me feel more useless in this state--but something where I feel like I'm learning, making connections, making new ideas. You could probably substitute another special interest.

2) Working with children. Children who rely on you, need you to help them deal with their troubles. I suppose 'helping people' generally would be a good substitute.

Other things that help in more of an environmental way are being around others on the spectrum and regular exercise. Makes the lows less low. Also allowing myself recuperation time after 'pretending to be normal' every day. Also keeping my job stress low by finding a job that suits my needs better. Stress leads to burnout leads to being in a funk, for me. Easier said than done, as everything seems to involve stress one way or another.

Regardless, you aren't alone in feeling this way. I hope things get better soon.

ETA: Regarding feeling like a spaz, careless mistakes, etc., that's classic executive dysfunction (which is shared with ADHD). Whether you're a woman or not, you may relate to this: http://qz.com/592364/decades-of-fai...girls-has-created-a-lost-generation-of-women/

 

[Beverly]

Goals do not always need to be financially or work oriented. Personal goals are wonderful too. Perhaps you could use a bit of self improvement. That doesn't cost anything to do, you can research how to improve whatever area of yourself you want to improve online and at the local library. Pick something and set a goal for a time when you will have made at least 70% progress on that area of self improvement, then get to work on it.

As for getting a better job, I just posted a bog article that tells you how to get through those interviews and, get the job over in the Employment section here.

 

[Madotsuki]

I am definitely in the same boat. About socialization, I am about to withdraw myself for another time, I can't deal with the randomness that can hurt my feelings or opinion towards somebody else. During the last three months, I enjoyed for the first time in my adulthood the small talks, but I outplay myself and in the end, the emptiness and fakeness remain.

Even keeping my mind busy with games/reading/cartoons don't do anything. The only positive thing is that my financial situation is quite comfortable at the moment. Otherwise, I'm just a zombie wage-slaving to keep myself alive for another day. Having no goals (a career step-up would mean also more responsiblities, something I can't deal with), I will drop myself out of the game of life by ignoring life-threatening illness that could affect me.

 

[Judge]

No goals, no hopes, no dreams. Just trying to survive without losing any more than I already have.

Guilty as charged. Life in an orbital decay.

 

[karen70]

I so know how it feels, day in day out nothing changes and i'm lucky if I get motivated enough to get the house tidy.
But I am reading a lot, learning a lot from off here also. As much as i'm still only seeming to be alive in my head.. things are making sense the more time goes by.

 

[watersprite]

There's this contrast, between now and in the past when I used to think I'd get free of this. Now I see it's permanent. Just trying to use creativity to rise above it occasionally.

 

[Tom]

Anyone else in the same boat? Especially lately I feel like I'm just existing rather than living. Yeah I have a job, but I can barely pay my rent and therefore don't do much else. I did go to college and have a bachelor's degree, but I never knew what to do with my degree and by now I've lost all interest in the field I was majoring in. I used to agonize over not having friends, but by now it's not even a concern anymore I'm so used to doing everything alone (also, I think being surrounded by coworkers seven days a week has helped with my need for socializing).

Honestly, I don't know if I have goals other than to not lose my job so I could pay my rent. I guess the usual recommendation would be to find a better job, but I do so poorly at interviews (and, during the course of my current job, discovered that I'm a spaz who can't multitask and not as detail-oriented as I previously thought) I feel like I should feel grateful i even have this job.

The best thing I can tell you is to stop focusing on the negative and thinking of yourself in the negative. We all (AS and NT) cast shadows but the shadow is not us.

You obviously can do and have done a lot. So why can't you continue to, and build on it with knowledge and experience you gain along the way?

 

[karen70]

I've had a lot of tears this past week or so in realising just where my priorities should have been and wasn't cos of my damn head.

But as much as i'm still not really motivating much, i'm reading quotes ie on face book that are empowering and aspiring. My new fix. Absorb the words and try to see some light in it.

I don't think I have spoke a negative word for ages now, try to just focus on building something and moving forward. Have to, if i'm not going to get this constant jumble out of my head then I may as well try and work with it.

But damn, my head has been so heavy!!!!

 

[On the Inside]

and when I'm there I tend to worry about "meaning" and "goals" and "career paths" and "fundamental incompatibility with friends/life/jobs" as you do which seems like the root problem at the time.

I have not really made the link between the thoughts of "fundamental incompatibility" and my own procrastination and indecision until you posted that line, thank you. It is negativity in camouflage, I think I am trying to prioritize my values and align my place in society with those values in mind, when I am most often whinging about what I have to do. Eventually the goals and higher ideals are flushed, it's easier/necessary to just focus on existing.

As many others have said, find something, anything, that is creative, helpful to others, or an improvement to something and work on it when you can.

I have been doing this for a little over a year, and I am now pretty surprised at what I've done in that time. The key for me was not looking back in the short term, focus on completing what I started. In other words, do the deed, but stop the judgement and the second guessing, keep your eyes on the end result.

I haven't done this on my own, I have had a great deal of help from my therapist, new medication, my psychiatrist, all of the contributors here on AC, and even my partner (her contributions are not always positive motivations).

 

[Flinty]

My situation is that I'm existing until I figure out what to do next. I have a really general idea but don't yet know how to implement anything.

 

[Warmheart]

Executive dyscombobulation! Gaaahhh! I can't plan a sandwich, much less a life!

"Conceptual executive dysfunction" (I just learned this word, so proud of myself! ) refers to challenges in getting our acts together 'cos the whole sequence of how-to-do-stuff falls apart in the planning and execution of tasks phase. This means it's really hard to manifest stuff outside of oneself, be it creating a lasagna or executing a project for work.

Steps! Stuff with sequences!! AARRGGHHH!!!

Doing stuff involves ideation of what you wanna do...
THEN there's the planning stage.....
then there's initiating the task...
and then there's self-monitoring as you perform the task <<----------- This is where I am involuntarily in La-La Land

With challenges in the areas of conceptual executive function, who wouldn't develop
1. task performance anxiety, and
2. a foggy sense of confuzzlement of goals, of LIFE, of ideal end-results and how-to-get-there?

Or maybe it's just me. D'oh!

Here's me tryin' to hold a job, plan a life, or have goals...



The challenge is to come to terms with inability to conceptualize, while still so full of beauty inside. Creativity, drive, and ideas inside of us, need a chance to manifest into reality. We want to do something, be someone. For some of us, we must appreciate our value without looking for the same achievements and exterior manifestations we see from others.

 

[yesithinkso]

Well, I think what I meant to say is I don't feel that I have anything worth living for. No family, no friends, nothing, and the little I do have seem replaceable enough that they seem meaningless.

I did try volunteering as a way to help myself, but I was always too weird for the supervisor and fellow volunteers, and eventually my anxiety got the best of me and I quit (sometimes without notifying anyone). There was even a time when a kid I was working with seemed aware that there was something wrong with me and asked if I wanted to play with him and a bunch of other kids, which made it more humiliating than anything.

Also, the thing with me is it's very difficult for me to talk. I'm physically able (for the most part) to make noises that sound like words, but I'm not really able to string together more than two sentences at a time and still be understood. Most recently, I tried to say ONE word and it came out wrong. What happened was I started saying "hello" but suddenly saw "morning" in my head so I ended up saying "helling." This happens on a larger scale when I try to say full sentences (words get mixed up or disappear altogether), which is embarrassing when it happens on a regular basis rather than every now and then.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I have goals, both short-term and long-term, but stuff keeps happening to delay or possibly prevent me from ever reaching them, so I would say I'm existing but not living. Just waiting... and waiting... and waiting...
Waiting is all I ever do anymore. I'm spending my whole life waiting for something or other.

 

[karen70]

Its reassuring to agree with so much of whats being said in one respect, but in another respect its so damn daunting.

Its like I know I need to give myself a kick up the back side, I'll get motivated and prepare etc but then it all seems to get thrown over board and I feel even more annoyed with myself for wasting that time to prepare.

I need a job but I just know I won't fit anywhere as i'll just have over load and be avoided by others etc.

I'll start doing the house work etc and its as if I used to be on the go all day but nothing would be in order or tidy, i'd be shattered and totally exhausted and not be able to relax (I CANNOT RELAX).

I try to go to sleep and my body naturally goes all tense on me and it keeps me awake, I become aware of my fists being clenched or my body being stiff and even after I've slept I never ever wake up feeling refreshed.

Anyone else???