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rachbttffan

rachbttffan

New Member
Hi all. I really don't know how to start, i'm a little apprehensive to be honest. I haven't been diagnosed with aspergers, however i' ve always felt 'different'. At 38 and a single mum of 5 children i have always felt asthough i'm not like the average person, whatever that is. I have always been childlike and have been told that on a few occasions. I dont actually feel my age, never have. I have a huge fear of abandonment and i feel emotions a lot more deep than my peers. I feel asthough i'm not myself around others and it is exhausting pretending to be someone i'm not. I am so f**cking confused. I dont wven know the real me. I'm fed up of being the nice girl and i just want to explode and reveal the real me. I don't think i have aspergers but most probably ****ed up due to my up-bringing and abusive relationships. P.S i am actually a nice person just a litle unstable!!
 
f51326db0eaababafc9db7a83c9f3be6.jpg
 
Sounds a lot like my mom. Relationships were always going bad for her. I'm guessing that of those 5 children you have, they all have different dads. RIGHT? My mother had this phobia of being abandoned as well and it drove her to go after any guy that she thought loved her. Only to have her heart broken and her bank account cleaned out in the end. Over the years, it drove her to alcoholism which ultimately killed her.
 
Welcome rachbttffan,

Please, please, please tell us something about your avatar picture ?

I see a centered strawberry iced cake, but there's a single meringue dollop sideways, and this is a curious confectionery creation......
 
FreeDiver said:
Sounds a lot like my mom. Relationships were always going bad for her. I'm guessing that of those 5 children you have, they all have different dads. RIGHT? My mother had this phobia of being abandoned as well and it drove her to go after any guy that she thought loved her. Only to have her heart broken and her bank account cleaned out in the end. Over the years, it drove her to alcoholism which ultimately killed her.
Click to expand...
Hi thanks for replying. My first 3 children have the same dad as we were married for 13 yrs but it wasnt a happy marriage then around 5 months after i met another man had two kids but he left me whenbi was expecting my second. 18 months later i met a guy i knew from school. We were together on and off ffor four years. All were abusive in their own way. Ive decided to stay on my own now.
 
Marmot said:
Welcome rachbttffan,

Please, please, please tell us something about your avatar picture ?

I see a centered strawberry iced cake, but there's a single meringue dollop sideways, and this is a curious confectionery creation......
Click to expand...
Avatar picture? I like baking in my spare time and they can be quite unusual at times. I like to experiment.
 
rachbttffan said:
Hi all. I really don't know how to start, i'm a little apprehensive to be honest. I haven't been diagnosed with aspergers, however i' ve always felt 'different'. At 38 and a single mum of 5 children i have always felt asthough i'm not like the average person, whatever that is. I have always been childlike and have been told that on a few occasions. I dont actually feel my age, never have. I have a huge fear of abandonment and i feel emotions a lot more deep than my peers. I feel asthough i'm not myself around others and it is exhausting pretending to be someone i'm not. I am so f**cking confused. I dont wven know the real me. I'm fed up of being the nice girl and i just want to explode and reveal the real me. I don't think i have aspergers but most probably ****ed up due to my up-bringing and abusive relationships. P.S i am actually a nice person just a litle unstable!!
Click to expand...
hi rachbttfan,welcome to AC!
what does the btt in your username stand for?

you should read up more on aspergers/high functioning autism,but also at the same time itd be worth checking out borderline personality disorder [preferably on a site made by someone with it as theres a lot of NT ignorance out there towards it,such as calling people with BPD manipulative] i mention BPD as having a huge fear of abandonment, being childlike,feeling emotions acutely,confused feelings about who you are and unstable relationships with others are all major signs of BPD.
 
toothless said:
hi rachbttfan,welcome to AC!
what does the btt in your username stand for?

Yes i have read up on bpd and theres simularities, however, i asked my doctor and she said that i havent got it and if i did she'd be able to tell. But obviously she only knows me for 5 minutes!

you should read up more on aspergers/high functioning autism,but also at the same time itd be worth checking out borderline personality disorder [preferably on a site made by someone with it as theres a lot of NT ignorance out there towards it,such as calling people with BPD manipulative] i mention BPD as having a huge fear of abandonment, being childlike,feeling emotions acutely,confused feelings about who you are and unstable relationships with others are all major signs of BPD.
Click to expand...
 
Hi, Im Kelly, from Chicago. Down to Earth person who loves to play in the snow and get wet in the rain. I am by profession a social activist. My core purpose to join this group is to know about this mental disorder because last year Dr. Daigonised this to my mother.
 
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