Newbie, parent of Aspie teen

[Mrs Twillight Zone]

Hi all,

I have been struggling to find an online forum and I've found this one so I hope things work out for the best! There are not enough resources for parents or their offspring with Asperger's or autism and I have decided to figure out if I can get more advice online.

I have a son in his last year of primary school who all of a sudden lost his little group of friends. I don't know exactly what happened other than puberty happened. The main one in the group who was the main friend also has issues at home and personally but he has cruelly decided to have nothing to do with my son and not to even talk to him.

It has been really hard watching my son struggle, once again, socially and I am fortunate to have a good friend here who is understanding and has her two sons interact with mine but I wonder if that will change as the boys change. I know my son is a bit down at times and that he knows people "misunderstand" him, which is so sad for me to hear. I hate that he is suffering and he has some crazy mood swings. BTW, he is on Risperidone, has a psychiatrist that he sees every month and a half and we are trying to get counselling for him but its really hard as a lot of places have shut their books locally and/or have long waiting lists. We have tried through NDIS in the past but not found a decent psychologist thus far....

 

[Alexej]

Hi there - welcome to the Forums

We are a friendly bunch in here and from many different countries, but I do not think we have too many Aussies.

There is a lot of info in here, and the search engine is not too bad.
I have come across respiridone as a medication for schizophrenia. Could you say a bit more about your sons story?

 

[Mrs Twillight Zone]

My son was diagnosed with Asperger's aged 6, about 2012. He was always a bit different and we could see lots of things that we knew were not typical. Risperidone is for things like schizophrenia, it is an anti psychotic which is supposed to help with autism spectrum disorders also. Puberty hit him hard, he is 13. Not sure what else I can tell you? Thanks for the reply!

 

[Starfire]

That’s really tough we went through exactly the same situation with my daughter. It was a very lonely, confusing time for her. Unfortunately she took solace on the Internet where she was groomed unbeknownst to us.

Long story short moving on a few years, she has sort of figured out how friendships work, to some degree, and has a few friends now, manly people from school who she grew up with. Getting a part time job was very helpful and a big distraction helping her to focus on what she had not what she didn’t have. She now has her first boyfriend too who is very patient with her. He understands that she can be very blunt, or curt with him at times and needs space alone, but that doesn’t mean she has lost her feelings for him.

I don’t really have any advice other than give him time to figure things out, talk and explain things like the mechanics of how friendships work, it might be obvious to you but a minefield for him. The counselling was helpful too, it meant she could talk to someone other than her parents about what ailed her, so good luck with that. It’s hard I know, but it will work out with your support I’m sure.

 

[Mrs Twillight Zone]

Thank you Star fire. I am glad to hear your daughter made it through the terrible teens and now has a job, boyfriend, friends, etc. I can keep hoping and keep trying for him. Its tiring and stressful but I will do my best. That and I have complex post traumatic stress disorder myself so feel as though I am on the spectrum too!

 

[Starfire]

Thank you Star fire. I am glad to hear your daughter made it through the terrible teens and now has a job, boyfriend, friends, etc. I can keep hoping and keep trying for him. Its tiring and stressful but I will do my best. That and I have complex post traumatic stress disorder myself so feel as though I am on the spectrum too!

Thanks, it was a very difficult time I won’t lie. I could tell you things that happened that would make your hair stand on end, a lot of it was awful and disturbing, but they learn and do come through it.

It is very stressful, draining and exhausting too. We just take one day at a time, watch for signs of anything out of the ordinary, manage meltdowns which can’t be avoided at times, make sure she eats and sleeps etc properly and always keep a line of communication open.

Im sorry to hear about your cptsd, that will put even more pressure on you. I have an ASD diagnosis too, which only served to complicate things. Thank goodness for my saintly NT wife who was a rock and managed to get us all through an awful lot and largely come out the other end.

 

[Suzanne]

I was on Risperidone too and for a while it worked, but side effects caused my body parts to not work correctly and I read so much info from those who had been on it, that I decided to come off it and have not regretted it.

Funny really, because at the time of being given the drug, I had no diagnosis of asd and certainly do not have schizophrenia.

In truth, chemical meds just add complications. The best method is understanding and working alongside us.

Anyway, your son is blessed to have a mum like you and as long as he can come to you and reveal what is in his heart, HIS WAY, then things can only improve. What I mean about his way, is we find it hard to explain our emotions and so, need time to look within ourselves, to get the answer.

I too, learned what friendship is and am a little bit better at it then before, but it is very tiring, to say the least, due to knowing the nt language.

You have definitely come to the right forum and no doubt, you will soon know a whole lot more than you did before!

 

[Starfire]

the nt language.

There is no such thing as an NT language, there are just people. Some will make the effort and some won’t, just the same as people with ASD or one of the assortment of other disorders/conditions/mental health issues etc too. The world isn’t divided into us and them. People are a spectrum in general, people with ASD are just people on a spectrum, within a spectrum.

 

[Bolletje]

Welcome!

 

[menander]

There is no such thing as an NT language, there are just people. Some will make the effort and some won’t, just the same as people with ASD or one of the assortment of other disorders/conditions/mental health issues etc too. The world isn’t divided into us and them. People are a spectrum in general, people with ASD are just people on a spectrum, within a spectrum.

@Suzanne is right. From our perspective there can be a huge gulf. The "us" and "them" is not something we created. It is something we noticed and noticed after many painful years of people insisting the gulf is not there.

To a straight person, gayness is just another form of loving. To a gay person, the pain of being accepted, either choosing to hide or come out, the confusion and lack of acceptance of so many------it is similar.

From your end it may seem a smooth path to ours, but from our end, the path from our side to yours is impossible for many.

 

[Suzanne]

There is no such thing as an NT language,

You are like my husband, who says the same thing, but you are looking at it from your prespective and so, I guess it is natural that you are going to say that. But I reckon if you asked your son, he would agree that there is a difference, otherwise, why do we find it hard to understand NTs and visa versa?

 

[Starfire]

The "us" and "them" is not something we created.

I agree, it wasn’t created by anyone because IMO it doesn’t exist unless you want it to, although it may also be a state of mind you share, however I don’t.

Communication is a two way street, it is as much our duty to make ourselves understood as it is for anyone else, no one owes anyone anything.

I refuse to be treated like a second class person or be pitied or feel damaged or broken simply for having a diagnosis, and that’s what I’ve instilled in my child. She has a choice to mope around feeling ‘disabled’ or be pro active in her life, as I try to be.

It hasn’t been easy, I don’t pretend it has, there’s been lots of crying and meltdowns etc, but also lots of knowledge learned and life experiences. My daughter is learning to drive, getting ready for University moving forward and engaging with the world on her own terms. She’s doing better than I did, but I had no support growing up, the opposite in fact.

But I reckon if you asked your son,

I don’t have a son, you didn’t read what I wrote very carefully clearly.

why do we find it hard to understand NTs and visa versa?

Who is the “we” you are speaking on behalf of, all Aspies? Just so you know you don’t represent me or my viewpoint for starters. Also to speak of “NTs” as if they were one homogeneous mass in agreement with each other, and in opposition to ‘us’ while using their NT language, I find a bizarre concept.

People or ‘nts’ if you prefer are like leaves on the trees, no two are the same all are slightly different, and as they say “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism!” People with a diagnosis are not a homogeneous mass either.

 

[Suzanne]

don’t have a son, you didn’t read what I wrote very carefully clearly.

Oops my bad. I was confusing with another post.

I did read clearly; just mistook the gender. Sorry.

 

[Suzanne]

@Suzanne is right. From our perspective there can be a huge gulf. The "us" and "them" is not something we created. It is something we noticed and noticed after many painful years of people insisting the gulf is not there.

To a straight person, gayness is just another form of loving. To a gay person, the pain of being accepted, either choosing to hide or come out, the confusion and lack of acceptance of so many------it is similar.

From your end it may seem a smooth path to ours, but from our end, the path from our side to yours is impossible for many.

Thanks for agreeing with me. Since another is agreeing with the thread, did make me feel that I was on my own, so it is nice that I am not alone.

 

[Streetwise]

I agree, it wasn’t created by anyone because IMO it doesn’t exist unless you want it to, although it may also be a state of mind you share, however I don’t.

Communication is a two way street, it is as much our duty to make ourselves understood as it is for anyone else, no one owes anyone anything.

I refuse to be treated like a second class person or be pitied or feel damaged or broken simply for having a diagnosis, and that’s what I’ve instilled in my child. She has a choice to mope around feeling ‘disabled’ or be pro active in her life, as I try to be.

It hasn’t been easy, I don’t pretend it has, there’s been lots of crying and meltdowns etc, but also lots of knowledge learned and life experiences. My daughter is learning to drive, getting ready for University moving forward and engaging with the world on her own terms. She’s doing better than I did, but I had no support growing up, the opposite in fact.



I don’t have a son, you didn’t read what I wrote very carefully clearly.




Who is the “we” you are speaking on behalf of, all Aspies? Just so you know you don’t represent me or my viewpoint for starters. Also to speak of “NTs” as if they were one homogeneous mass in agreement with each other, and in opposition to ‘us’ while using their NT language, I find a bizarre concept.

People or ‘nts’ if you prefer are like leaves on the trees, no two are the same all are slightly different, and as they say “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism!” People with a diagnosis are not a homogeneous mass either.

I don't think! I personally!! can pretend that's NTs haven't caused all the trauma in my life ,I refuse to think they are going to control anyone who is different, their record of care is despicable.People with Autistic neurology shouldn't have to suffer anything because of NTs.

 

[Au Naturel]

OK. Humanity is on a spectrum.

Most human traits exist on a Bell curve distribution, not an even distribution. Every curve has what are called "tails," usually the top and bottom 2.2% of the distribution. There are as many Bell curves as there are traits you'd care to measure.

People with diagnosable autism are one tail of a particular behavioral spectrum. Autism itself is a collection of traits often found together - aka a "syndrome." So just within autism, we can see multiple spectrums based on whatever traits you want to measure.

There's a band in the spectrum where autistic traits blend imperceptably into NT traits. It isn't a hard line. In that blending area whether you are "officially" autistic is an opinion. Aspies, aka ASD level-1 are up against the blending area.

Imagine looking at a color spectrum. Green suddenly doesn't become yellow. Red and violet both fade off into areas of the spectrum that are invisible. You can draw a few arbitrary lines - or you can see a million shades of color. Either way, colors are conventions we keep because the differentiation between colors is useful. There will still be large swaths where everyone will agree this is defintiely green and that is obviously yellow.

And so it goes for the autism spectrum which is just a subdivision of the human spectrum.

 

[Starfire]

I don't think! I personally!! can pretend that's NTs haven't caused all the trauma in my life ,I refuse to think they are going to control anyone who is different, their record of care is despicable.People with Autistic neurology shouldn't have to suffer anything because of NTs.

I don’t really understand what this post means, so I’m having to try and read between the lines which is not my strong point. What I will say is there is good and bad in all people, neither group be it autistic or ‘nt’ is exclusively devoid of either.

 

[Starfire]

View attachment 64392

OK. Humanity is on a spectrum.

Most human traits exist on a Bell curve distribution, not an even distribution. Every curve has what are called "tails," usually the top and bottom 2.2% of the distribution. There are as many Bell curves as there are traits you'd care to measure.

People with diagnosable autism are one tail of a particular behavioral spectrum. Autism itself is a collection of traits often found together - aka a "syndrome." So just within autism, we can see multiple spectrums based on whatever traits you want to measure.

There's a band in the spectrum where autistic traits blend imperceptably into NT traits. It isn't a hard line. In that blending area whether you are "officially" autistic is an opinion. Aspies, aka ASD level-1 are up against the blending area.

Imagine looking at a color spectrum. Green suddenly doesn't become yellow. Red and violet both fade off into areas of the spectrum that are invisible. You can draw a few arbitrary lines - or you can see a million shades of color. Either way, colors are conventions we keep because the differentiation between colors is useful. There will still be large swaths where everyone will agree this is defintiely green and that is obviously yellow.

And so it goes for the autism spectrum which is just a subdivision of the human spectrum.

That is really interesting, and rather backs up what I thought intuitively. Thank you for sharing this information.

 

[Starfire]

@Au Naturel I’m just wondering, based on the information you provided, in your opinion, is it even possible to point to a place on the graph with precision and say that with absolutely no doubt, this band is %100 ‘nt’ as in us (Aspies) and them (Nts)?

 

[Thinx]

Hi all,

I have been struggling to find an online forum and I've found this one so I hope things work out for the best! There are not enough resources for parents or their offspring with Asperger's or autism and I have decided to figure out if I can get more advice online.

I have a son in his last year of primary school who all of a sudden lost his little group of friends. I don't know exactly what happened other than puberty happened. The main one in the group who was the main friend also has issues at home and personally but he has cruelly decided to have nothing to do with my son and not to even talk to him.

It has been really hard watching my son struggle, once again, socially and I am fortunate to have a good friend here who is understanding and has her two sons interact with mine but I wonder if that will change as the boys change. I know my son is a bit down at times and that he knows people "misunderstand" him, which is so sad for me to hear. I hate that he is suffering and he has some crazy mood swings. BTW, he is on Risperidone, has a psychiatrist that he sees every month and a half and we are trying to get counselling for him but its really hard as a lot of places have shut their books locally and/or have long waiting lists. We have tried through NDIS in the past but not found a decent psychologist thus far....

Hi and welcome, I hope that you enjoy it here and find it supportive and informative.