neurodiversity-eating disorder quandry

[monkeyclogs]

i've been wondering how to ask this for a while because I don't want to create a thread that veers into diet and and weight. That could end up incredibly triggering for some. So, bear in mind this is entirely about thinking patterns not food.

I've had episodes of anorexia my whole life and been in and out of various treatment. I've read countless books, listened to many podcasts but my problem seems routed in a different way.

A lot of the support and help is around two things, body image and nutritional education and I don't have a problem with either. i've never really cared what I looked like and I fully understand my nutritional requirements.

I definitely think there's a significant factor of control at play. Relapses happen when I can't control other things. I suspect that could be an autism thing? With the as yet unclarified dual diagnosis of either bipolar or ADHD I'm beginning to understand a lot of my mental health issues may be created from the dichotomy of autistic need for routine and structure that is unobtainable when my brain creates it's own instability.

But I suspect there's an addiction element which could be a possible sign of adhd dopamine seeking, seeing the numbers on the scales come down is rewarding. I do find it frustrating that the assumption is i want to be underweight when i'm not really bothered about what the number is just that it's going down. Can this be true in autism hyperfocus sense or is this potentially ADHD?

I guess i'm interested in whether this pattern is familiar to anyone, food related or really in any situation based on similar thinking patterns.

 

[Outdated]

My weight has been up and down my whole life, and with me there is a very distinct pattern. I have always been prone to being on the heavy side, but if I'm depressed I become obese. Conversely, if I'm stressed I lose weight in a rather dramatic fashion, under extreme stress I'll lose 5 Kg a week no matter how much I eat. I think my metabolism is linked to my emotional state.

I've only ever stepped on to a set of scales about a dozen times in my life, and only once in the last 40 years. I know what I weigh by how my clothes fit. That might be a better guide for you too, you mentioned you like seeing the falling numbers on your scales, perhaps that forms another part of your problem.

 

[thejuice]

I know there is definitely a link between ADHD and eating disorders and youre right, it's a form of dopamine chasing. I have also used food to relax during sensory overload. Yes, traditional schools of thought about weight loss don't help for us at all, some diet companies do even more damage to our relationship with food. As you pointed out, body image and nutritional Information have nothing to do with it. I know what's healthy and I dodge mirrors lol

Control is a huge factor, the exhilaration of depriving oneself or letting go and pressing the binge button. The thoughts about food are obsessional. Will I eat, will I not. Sometimes I eat just to end the mental strain of fighting it. Sometimes I will not eat for days to atone. Doctors have mentioned the term bulemic, I never considered it because I wasnt thin, but that's just a stereotype.

For me planning meals, mindful eating and being kind to myself when i relapse helped. I don't have any processed food in the house, as it's not real food and it's designed to be addictive. It would be like an alcoholic having a spirit cabinet. I'll treat myself when I'm out of the house though, peer pressure and social shaming works to keep things in check.