neurodiversity-eating disorder quandry

[monkeyclogs]

i've been wondering how to ask this for a while because I don't want to create a thread that veers into diet and and weight. That could end up incredibly triggering for some. So, bear in mind this is entirely about thinking patterns not food.

I've had episodes of anorexia my whole life and been in and out of various treatment. I've read countless books, listened to many podcasts but my problem seems routed in a different way.

A lot of the support and help is around two things, body image and nutritional education and I don't have a problem with either. i've never really cared what I looked like and I fully understand my nutritional requirements.

I definitely think there's a significant factor of control at play. Relapses happen when I can't control other things. I suspect that could be an autism thing? With the as yet unclarified dual diagnosis of either bipolar or ADHD I'm beginning to understand a lot of my mental health issues may be created from the dichotomy of autistic need for routine and structure that is unobtainable when my brain creates it's own instability.

But I suspect there's an addiction element which could be a possible sign of adhd dopamine seeking, seeing the numbers on the scales come down is rewarding. I do find it frustrating that the assumption is i want to be underweight when i'm not really bothered about what the number is just that it's going down. Can this be true in autism hyperfocus sense or is this potentially ADHD?

I guess i'm interested in whether this pattern is familiar to anyone, food related or really in any situation based on similar thinking patterns.

 

[Outdated]

My weight has been up and down my whole life, and with me there is a very distinct pattern. I have always been prone to being on the heavy side, but if I'm depressed I become obese. Conversely, if I'm stressed I lose weight in a rather dramatic fashion, under extreme stress I'll lose 5 Kg a week no matter how much I eat. I think my metabolism is linked to my emotional state.

I've only ever stepped on to a set of scales about a dozen times in my life, and only once in the last 40 years. I know what I weigh by how my clothes fit. That might be a better guide for you too, you mentioned you like seeing the falling numbers on your scales, perhaps that forms another part of your problem.

 

[thejuice]

I know there is definitely a link between ADHD and eating disorders and youre right, it's a form of dopamine chasing. I have also used food to relax during sensory overload. Yes, traditional schools of thought about weight loss don't help for us at all, some diet companies do even more damage to our relationship with food. As you pointed out, body image and nutritional Information have nothing to do with it. I know what's healthy and I dodge mirrors lol

Control is a huge factor, the exhilaration of depriving oneself or letting go and pressing the binge button. The thoughts about food are obsessional. Will I eat, will I not. Sometimes I eat just to end the mental strain of fighting it. Sometimes I will not eat for days to atone. Doctors have mentioned the term bulemic, I never considered it because I wasnt thin, but that's just a stereotype.

For me planning meals, mindful eating and being kind to myself when i relapse helped. I don't have any processed food in the house, as it's not real food and it's designed to be addictive. It would be like an alcoholic having a spirit cabinet. I'll treat myself when I'm out of the house though, peer pressure and social shaming works to keep things in check.

 

[monkeyclogs]

My weight has been up and down my whole life, and with me there is a very distinct pattern. I have always been prone to being on the heavy side, but if I'm depressed I become obese. Conversely, if I'm stressed I lose weight in a rather dramatic fashion, under extreme stress I'll lose 5 Kg a week no matter how much I eat. I think my metabolism is linked to my emotional state.

I've only ever stepped on to a set of scales about a dozen times in my life, and only once in the last 40 years. I know what I weigh by how my clothes fit. That might be a better guide for you too, you mentioned you like seeing the falling numbers on your scales, perhaps that forms another part of your problem.

I think without the scales I overestimate. ie. "my jeans are a little tighter so I must have gained significant weight" Of course i know that with jeans, they are always a little tighter just after they've been washed. Being able to test my theory by weighing myself can be useful because it eliminates uncertainty. Not knowing can be stressful than seeing a small gain.

 

[monkeyclogs]

I know there is definitely a link between ADHD and eating disorders and youre right, it's a form of dopamine chasing. I have also used food to relax during sensory overload. Yes, traditional schools of thought about weight loss don't help for us at all, some diet companies do even more damage to our relationship with food. As you pointed out, body image and nutritional Information have nothing to do with it. I know what's healthy and I dodge mirrors lol

Control is a huge factor, the exhilaration of depriving oneself or letting go and pressing the binge button. The thoughts about food are obsessional. Will I eat, will I not. Sometimes I eat just to end the mental strain of fighting it. Sometimes I will not eat for days to atone. Doctors have mentioned the term bulemic, I never considered it because I wasnt thin, but that's just a stereotype.

For me planning meals, mindful eating and being kind to myself when i relapse helped. I don't have any processed food in the house, as it's not real food and it's designed to be addictive. It would be like an alcoholic having a spirit cabinet. I'll treat myself when I'm out of the house though, peer pressure and social shaming works to keep things in check.

thank you for sharing this.

It's good that you have peers that help you regulate. There's way too much diet culture and too many triggering comments around the dinner table with my peers. i've given up mixing socialising with eating. At the last tentative attempt someone commented on my choices and said I should eat more as I'd done a long walk and deserved it. I already had ample on my plate, it met the dietician criteria. i knew if i ate more i would struggle not to over compensate for the extra over the following days. The suggestion that you earn food is not helpful for anyone, is rhe message to everyone around the table who hadn't walked 12 miles is that they shouldn't be eating what they were eating!?

 

[Poppy98]

I have a hunch that eating disorders aren't as well understood by the public or the professionals as either party thinks.

Your cause seems more common than "vanity" motivations from what little I've seen. I think it's possible that the alternate theory is either overly popularized for one reason or another or simply not the full picture.


There's also a possibility that focusing on the nutritional aspects could be a bit of a debate technique. Sometimes in a disagreement, it is more efficient to not fight the existing beliefs but to instead motivate someone with a different view that draws them in a specific direction. (I.e. yes, there's always a possibility this surgery will have a negative effect in 30 years, but it's the best one currently available and if you don't go through with it, you'll probably be dead within 5 years). However, that still requires that the balance work in the favor of that choice. If there's a compelling reason/impetus for someone to have already been unswayed by the health consequences, they're probably unswayed by the health consequences.

Being autistic, you may think in ways that are not as vulnerable to the same ploys as others.

But that's all based on what I've heard from others, not dedicated research.

 

[monkeyclogs]

I have wondered if that emphasis on nutritional education is because anorexia is still associated with teenage girls. Maybe the average teenage girl doesn't understand the importance of nutrition.

 

[Rachie]

monkeyclogs I have been treated for anorexia several times in my life in the UK in eating disorder units. I am also diagnosed with autism. There is some work by the PEACE pathway Maudsley about eating disorders and autism. I am doing better today with the eating disorder.
PEACE Pathway - Home

I found the work of Roo Mitchell quite interesting because it is about taking control, she had to control her inner critic to recover. The inner critic can be a control issue. I have an inner critic at times.

The one change that worked: I stood up to my inner critic and I’ve never looked back

I had an OT and we looked how the sensory issue I have which was tested could be involved in some my food choices and textures. Not everybody is like this.

The numbers thing can be a bit ritualistic and not about weight loss as such, I find getting involved in other positive things help me to deal to have another focus to take away from thinking about this. I can struggle with adapting to change physically and my body and it is not about weight so much- My postural control which is one of the senses can suffer with this it seems.

 

[monkeyclogs]

monkeyclogs I have been treated for anorexia several times in my life in the UK in eating disorder units. I am also diagnosed with autism. There is some work by the PEACE pathway Maudsley about eating disorders and autism. I am doing better today with the eating disorder.
PEACE Pathway - Home

I found the work of Roo Mitchell quite interesting because it is about taking control, she had to control her inner critic to recover. The inner critic can be a control issue. I have an inner critic at times.

The one change that worked: I stood up to my inner critic and I’ve never looked back

I had an OT and we looked how the sensory issue I have which was tested could be involved in some my food choices and textures. Not everybody is like this.

The numbers thing can be a bit ritualistic and not about weight loss as such, I find getting involved in other positive things help me to deal to have another focus to take away from thinking about this. I can struggle with adapting to change physically and my body and it is not about weight so much- My postural control which is one of the senses can suffer with this it seems.

thank you so much for this! It's incredibly helpful to hear that you have overcome this and that link is brilliant.

It was the dietician who encouraged me to get assessed but nobody has changed my support based on the diagnosis. Your post offers hope that things could be different.

 

[Streetwise]

i've been wondering how to ask this for a while because I don't want to create a thread that veers into diet and and weight. That could end up incredibly triggering for some. So, bear in mind this is entirely about thinking patterns not food.

I've had episodes of anorexia my whole life and been in and out of various treatment. I've read countless books, listened to many podcasts but my problem seems routed in a different way.

A lot of the support and help is around two things, body image and nutritional education and I don't have a problem with either. i've never really cared what I looked like and I fully understand my nutritional requirements.

I definitely think there's a significant factor of control at play. Relapses happen when I can't control other things. I suspect that could be an autism thing? With the as yet unclarified dual diagnosis of either bipolar or ADHD I'm beginning to understand a lot of my mental health issues may be created from the dichotomy of autistic need for routine and structure that is unobtainable when my brain creates it's own instability.

But I suspect there's an addiction element which could be a possible sign of adhd dopamine seeking, seeing the numbers on the scales come down is rewarding. I do find it frustrating that the assumption is i want to be underweight when i'm not really bothered about what the number is just that it's going down. Can this be true in autism hyperfocus sense or is this potentially ADHD?

I guess i'm interested in whether this pattern is familiar to anyone, food related or really in any situation based on similar thinking patterns.

It sounds like anorexia but you see it without the emotion