Need advice

[Fridgemagnetman]

I have a huge issue with change. If I’m used to pasta, I know I like pasta. I’m going to get pasta. Everytime we go out to eat, I literally get the SAME thing. If it’s a place I’ve never been to then I get the thing I like the most ie.=wings....and everytime after that first visit that is the only thing I’ll get! I never understood why either until this week

But you're buying to eat at home in the example, i.e. Your wife wants to eat something with the pasta....

 

[Jdeisher]

I think, you should ask her to research Asperger Syndrome. Get her to read some of the posts here, read websites explaining it and such. Perhaps she just needs to educate herself on the condition so she can make some comparisons and understand you better.

I want to ask her to research it more, but I’m thinking right now may not be the best time because of the argument last night, I felt relieved that I am pretty sure I found the cause, and she denied it to my face and said that I will use it to get out of things or get away with things! That was hurtful but of course I **** down, didn’t argue back or even speak because I didn’t know how

 

[Jdeisher]

But you're buying to eat at home in the example, i.e. Your wife wants to eat something with the pasta....

No she meant get pasta or something else, like steak or chicken with sides.

 

[ksheehan88]

I want to ask her to research it more, but I’m thinking right now may not be the best time because of the argument last night, I felt relieved that I am pretty sure I found the cause, and she denied it to my face and said that I will use it to get out of things or get away with things! That was hurtful but of course I **** down, didn’t argue back or even speak because I didn’t know how

I'm sorry she's behaving this way. My Mum had a similar reaction to my discovery of AS. She isn't a psychologist, she has no idea what she is talking about. You know you best!

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

No she meant get pasta or something else, like steak or chicken with sides.

So what will you do next time?

Just get pasta
Realise an expectation - from history of shared meals -buy something you've had before.

Realising Asperger is a great thing it also comes with realising that some things can be learnt
And with some things you can choose.
You will have to take the lead with your realisation.

My advice is not to mention the word but mention a problem and ask for help with a workaround.

Right, that's enough pasta talk for me

 

[Ambi]

She even took one of the aq tests on line as me, a score of 34 or higher was considered asd, she scored a 34 and didn’t know some of the questions of what I would have picked, I scored a 47 myself

That's very interesting. I scored 34 as well - but I was very aware that had I taken the test when I was younger, I would have scored much higher. And if it had been more designed for women, I would have scored even higher - the younger, the higher I should have scored - because I have spent about 90% of my life trying to address my Aspie issues and learn to understand and assimilate with the neurotypical world (even before I self-diagnosed as an Aspie). And I have been pretty successful at that, which then leads people to not believe I am an Aspie. They don't see the inner struggle.

 

[Jdeisher]

That's very interesting. I scored 34 as well - but I was very aware that had I taken the test when I was younger, I would have scored much higher. And if it had been more designed for women, I would have scored even higher - the younger, the higher I should have scored - because I have spent about 90% of my life trying to address my Aspie issues and learn to understand and assimilate with the neurotypical world. And I have been pretty successful at that, which then leads people to not believe I am an Aspie.

Yeah I understand, I answered as truly as I knew, but like I said, I put on a front, like a fake me to fit in, so no one really knows how I am or who I am. And I still can’t fit in

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Yeah I understand, I answered as truly as I knew, but like I said, I put on a front, like a fake me to fit in, so no one really knows how I am or who I am. And I still can’t fit in

Although I also remember my wife once said 'surprise me'

So,later on, I hid behind the door, jumped out shouting 'boo'

I quickly found out that's not what she meant. She also learnt not to expect surprises...,

So I'm not recommending this

 

[Jdeisher]

Although I also remember my wife once said 'surprise me'

So,later on, I hid behind the door, jumped out shouting 'boo'

I quickly found out that's not what she meant. She also learnt not to expect surprises...,

So I'm not recommending this

Yeah I get that! Even on holidays and stuff, she needs to tell me exactly what she wants, otherwise I epically fail on getting her gifts. No matter how hard I try. Then I get the speech that I don’t know her well or I don’t try hard enough. It’s just crazy because a week ago I knew nothing about asd, and now all of my struggles make sense! I literally researched for at least 25 hours since Wednesday

 

[Ambi]

I'm sorry, but can we all just take a minute to think about this?? Why would anyone refer to sex as 'cake'??

I also agree that eating cake by the ocean sounds like a terrible idea. I've been to picnics as a kid at the beach, and sand in food is not pleasant.

I totally had the same reaction. Though it did bring up a vague distant memory of someone explaining that "cake" was a reference to sex. I think that was back when I listened to the band "Cake" a lot. But I'm still in the dark as to whether "Cake" meant cake or sex.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Yeah I get that! Even on holidays and stuff, she needs to tell me exactly what she wants, otherwise I epically fail on getting her gifts. No matter how hard I try. Then I get the speech that I don’t know her well or I don’t try hard enough. It’s just crazy because a week ago I knew nothing about asd, and now all of my struggles make sense! I literally researched for at least 25 hours since Wednesday

I'm about 6 months ahead, so i stopped mentioning the word and sort of relaxed into it by myself and by reading - a lot of helpful people on here.

But theyre slow to get it. Lets face its a massive shock. We already knew we were aliens - we cant expect them to join in from day one.

Hard though,cos it's a joy to find out and make things fit!

 

[ksheehan88]

Yeah I get that! Even on holidays and stuff, she needs to tell me exactly what she wants, otherwise I epically fail on getting her gifts. No matter how hard I try. Then I get the speech that I don’t know her well or I don’t try hard enough. It’s just crazy because a week ago I knew nothing about asd, and now all of my struggles make sense! I literally researched for at least 25 hours since Wednesday

When I learn there's something someone likes, I tend to go overboard lol. For instance, I know a friend likes dragons and sharks, a lot. I've painted three sharks paintings and a dragon painting, paid for him to go to the aquarium so he could see sharks, bought a dragon statuette for him for christmas, so on so forth. I end up throwing gifts at people once I learn what they like lol.

 

[ksheehan88]

I totally had the same reaction. Though it did bring up a vague distant memory of someone explaining that "cake" was a reference to sex. I think that was back when I listened to the band "Cake" a lot. But I'm still in the dark as to whether "Cake" meant cake or sex.

So, this is a thing lots of people say then? I still can't equate cake to sex haha.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

When I learn there's something someone likes, I tend to go overboard lol. For instance, I know a friend likes dragons and sharks, a lot. I've painted three sharks paintings and a dragon painting, paid for him to go to the aquarium so he could see sharks, bought a dragon statuette for him for christmas, so on so forth. I end up throwing gifts at people once I learn what they like lol.

Hi k, i like money, please go overboard

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

So, this is a thing lots of people say then? I still can't equate cake to sex haha.

Are you doing it wrong?

(Eating cake)

 

[Jdeisher]

When I learn there's something someone likes, I tend to go overboard lol. For instance, I know a friend likes dragons and sharks, a lot. I've painted three sharks paintings and a dragon painting, paid for him to go to the aquarium so he could see sharks, bought a dragon statuette for him for christmas, so on so forth. I end up throwing gifts at people once I learn what they like lol.

Yes my wife ALWAYS tells me I go overboard, I take things to the EXTREME

 

[ksheehan88]

Are you doing it wrong?

(Eating cake)

Maybe I am haha

 

[ksheehan88]

Yes my wife ALWAYS tells me I go overboard, I take things to the EXTREME

Same. Its polar opposites for me with most things. There never seems to be a middle ground with anything

 

[Jdeisher]

I would like to say that I am so thankful for every single person on here that I can actually relate to! I’m not used to this, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. And reassuring to know that I can get help from others like me!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!!

 

[Streetwise]

I'm sorry, but can we all just take a minute to think about this?? Why would anyone refer to sex as 'cake'??

I also agree that eating cake by the ocean sounds like a terrible idea. I've been to picnics as a kid at the beach, and sand in food is not pleasant.

It's probably a polite the euphemism