Need advice about my son.

[Nikki109]

Hey everyone. So my 9 year old and 16 year old have autism. My 9 year old just got released from the hospital on Tuesday. Almost immediately I start having some issues with one of his teachers. I also work at this school as a parapro. He had gotten upset at the end of Thursday and she said that she didn’t want him to go to specials(PE, music, etc) or recess with the class he had been going with. He’s already staying in small groups all day until she felt he was doing good enough to go back to his regular classroom. Initially I agreed to this but the more I thought about him not going to specials or anything with his class, I was upset. I don’t want him to be completely isolated because of his issues. Well she told me Friday morning that he would be allowed to go to lunch but can only sit with the boys(his current obsession is getting a gf, so that’s why) and she said he could go to specials with the class. I find out later that he had to be pulled out of specials. Friday evening, he told me his teacher told him that she wants him to go to a different school and he said he doesn’t think that she likes him. I want to say what I really think tomorrow but I can’t lose my job either. I hate that he’s feeling like this when he already has so much going on. He also has DMDD, PTSD, and possibly schizophrenia depending on which Dr you ask. Any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Owliet]

Hey everyone. So my 9 year old and 16 year old have autism. My 9 year old just got released from the hospital on Tuesday. Almost immediately I start having some issues with one of his teachers. I also work at this school as a parapro. He had gotten upset at the end of Thursday and she said that she didn’t want him to go to specials(PE, music, etc) or recess with the class he had been going with. He’s already staying in small groups all day until she felt he was doing good enough to go back to his regular classroom. Initially I agreed to this but the more I thought about him not going to specials or anything with his class, I was upset. I don’t want him to be completely isolated because of his issues. Well she told me Friday morning that he would be allowed to go to lunch but can only sit with the boys(his current obsession is getting a gf, so that’s why) and she said he could go to specials with the class. I find out later that he had to be pulled out of specials. Friday evening, he told me his teacher told him that she wants him to go to a different school and he said he doesn’t think that she likes him. I want to say what I really think tomorrow but I can’t lose my job either. I hate that he’s feeling like this when he already has so much going on. He also has DMDD, PTSD, and possibly schizophrenia depending on which Dr you ask. Any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

Welcome.

I get that there is confusion . If your school has an SENCO, I strongly recommend that you speak to them and the class teacher to help make a plan because clearly there’s some miscommunication going on here. Why did he get upset at the end of Thursday? I get that he may have felt like he was being punished for not doing specials or recess with the others, but sometimes there has to be a reason for that decision to be made. Is your son in a specialized school or is he in a mainstream one? I get that you dont want him to be isolated, and I also understand why you would be upset but if there are challenges related to being in larger groups, then it may be a good idea for him to slowly be reintroduced into the classroom environment rather Than having it all thrown at him. It’s not just for the other kids, or the teacher managing the classroom but also for your son. If his current obsession is getting a girlfriend, do you know how he is interacting with the other girls for the teacher to make this decision for him to only sit with the boys? Again, it is unfortunate but maybe its not being handled fully well and the SENCO needs to step in to clear some problems and make clear goals and outcomes for what your son should be achieving.

I get as a mom, and as a parent you want to go in full out but you’re only getting half of the information about the situation and the decisions. It could be that the teacher is not great at handling this but I really do think more support needs to be in place because it sounds like theres a lot of miscommunication going on. If your son is feeling like he is being bullied by his teacher and that the teacher doesn’t like him because of these decisions That have been made by her, then clearly either he doesn’t understand why these have been made OR they’re not being explained to him Clearly.

Your son has complex needs — and whilst you didn’t mention if he’s getting support in the normal classroom environment or is under support from an active SENCO, I really do think that he should have 1:1 support Also in the classroom. I have never taught in a school that separates the kids with SEN unless they are severe — and by then because of the age group that I do teach, they are not in the school environment and are in a specialized school. The kids that I have taught who are SEN do vary with what they have but its usually things like dyslexia, dyspraxia, ASD…but most of them did well with 1:1 support full time in the classroom environment.

Again, speak to your SENCO and the teacher To clear all of this up. Try to find a plan that works for your son (get him involved : which a good SENCO would allow for in the planning).

 

[Nikki109]

Unfortunately, she is the SENCO. At his old sc

Welcome.

I get that there is confusion . If your school has an SENCO, I strongly recommend that you speak to them and the class teacher to help make a plan because clearly there’s some miscommunication going on here. Why did he get upset at the end of Thursday? I get that he may have felt like he was being punished for not doing specials or recess with the others, but sometimes there has to be a reason for that decision to be made. Is your son in a specialized school or is he in a mainstream one? I get that you dont want him to be isolated, and I also understand why you would be upset but if there are challenges related to being in larger groups, then it may be a good idea for him to slowly be reintroduced into the classroom environment rather Than having it all thrown at him. It’s not just for the other kids, or the teacher managing the classroom but also for your son. If his current obsession is getting a girlfriend, do you know how he is interacting with the other girls for the teacher to make this decision for him to only sit with the boys? Again, it is unfortunate but maybe its not being handled fully well and the SENCO needs to step in to clear some problems and make clear goals and outcomes for what your son should be achieving.

I get as a mom, and as a parent you want to go in full out but you’re only getting half of the information about the situation and the decisions. It could be that the teacher is not great at handling this but I really do think more support needs to be in place because it sounds like theres a lot of miscommunication going on. If your son is feeling like he is being bullied by his teacher and that the teacher doesn’t like him because of these decisions That have been made by her, then clearly either he doesn’t understand why these have been made OR they’re not being explained to him Clearly.

Your son has complex needs — and whilst you didn’t mention if he’s getting support in the normal classroom environment or is under support from an active SENCO, I really do think that he should have 1:1 support Also in the classroom. I have never taught in a school that separates the kids with SEN unless they are severe — and by then because of the age group that I do teach, they are not in the school environment and are in a specialized school. The kids that I have taught who are SEN do vary with what they have but its usually things like dyslexia, dyspraxia, ASD…but most of them did well with 1:1 support full time in the classroom environment.

Again, speak to your SENCO and the teacher To clear all of this up. Try to find a plan that works for your son (get him involved : which a good SENCO would allow for in the planning).

unfortunately, she is the SENCO. He used to have his own special ed teacher that would go with him everywhere at a different school district but they don’t want him to have that at his current school. I’ve been thinking about pushing for it though. The SENCO blames him having the one on one for a lot of his issues. So, a little back story my son was obsessing over a girl and she was frightened. She didn’t come to school one day and the teacher told him that she was afraid and scared to tell him no. That had him extremely upset and he had a meltdown almost all day and was grabbing his skin and leaving marks. His teacher recommended taking him to the ER to be evaluated and I did. He got sent to a psychiatric hospital for 4 days. We agreed when he came back, he would stay in the SENCO’s room most of the day before sending him back to a different classroom eventually. When he’s able to stop with the obsessions. Well Thursday, he sat with a little girl and she automatically asked him to be her boyfriend. It worried the SENCO because she was afraid what would happen if she wanted to break up with my kid or whatever and something happened in PE and he started getting upset. I personally think the teacher was upsetting him more than anything. He did calm down pretty quickly and went back to class and did his work. I think I covered everything. I know it’s a lot of information.

 

[Nikki109]

Also he’s in a mainstream school in an inclusion classroom.

 

[Owliet]

Unfortunately, she is the SENCO. At his old sc

unfortunately, she is the SENCO. He used to have his own special ed teacher that would go with him everywhere at a different school district but they don’t want him to have that at his current school. I’ve been thinking about pushing for it though. The SENCO blames him having the one on one for a lot of his issues. So, a little back story my son was obsessing over a girl and she was frightened. She didn’t come to school one day and the teacher told him that she was afraid and scared to tell him no. That had him extremely upset and he had a meltdown almost all day and was grabbing his skin and leaving marks. His teacher recommended taking him to the ER to be evaluated and I did. He got sent to a psychiatric hospital for 4 days. We agreed when he came back, he would stay in the SENCO’s room most of the day before sending him back to a different classroom eventually. When he’s able to stop with the obsessions. Well Thursday, he sat with a little girl and she automatically asked him to be her boyfriend. It worried the SENCO because she was afraid what would happen if she wanted to break up with my kid or whatever and something happened in PE and he started getting upset. I personally think the teacher was upsetting him more than anything. He did calm down pretty quickly and went back to class and did his work. I think I covered everything. I know it’s a lot of information.

His teacher is the SENCO? I would definitely recommend having a special assistant for him. I dont know if the school would fund it Or if you would have to fund it yourself, however.

I would argue that the 1:1 is A lot more helpful for your son than not having one.

The obsession with the girl is understandable although unfortunate that there is a misunderstanding there. However, I dont get why the teacher would tell him that she was afraid of your Son — that could have been handled a lot better and been a learning experience for him To understand why his behavior may affect others. I would have written that in the usual emails of behavior Ive had send home and ask a parent to be involved in the discussion.

Honestly, the way the SENCO has handled this from what you have described of the situation, I dont think She has handled this well at all. Would it be possible to organize a meeting with the principal or someone in the SLT? You need.A more clear plan.


You may do this already but one of the things that I actually advised one parent when we were having trouble with one kid was to make a star Chart of the week’s outcomes. The more stars = there was a reward for all outcomes for the week met.

 

[Nikki109]

She’s one of his teachers. He has three third grade teachers and she comes in the class sometimes to assist. Until she feels like he’s ready to be in the regular classroom, he’s her only teacher. I do plan on talking to the assistant principal tomorrow and the SENCO as well. It’s going to be hard for me to find the words because I work there and don’t want to step on any toes and I have some struggles similar to my son’s and I don’t do good with confrontation. I’m going to try remain strong and bring up some of the stuff that you mentioned. Also, they tried some sort of rewards thing with him, but he was obsessing over it and it was all he could think of so they didn’t continue it.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I live in the US, so I don’t know what your rights are in GB and with SENCO.

Do you have the right to request a new meeting and a new plan for your child? Is the educational plan enforceable? It sounds like the teachers are making decisions willy-nilly with no rhyme or reason.

If you don’t know what your child’s rights are, and yours as a parent, I would suggest finding out.

In the US the schools try to buffalo the parents into things they don’t want.

Good luck.

 

[Nikki109]

I live in the US, so I don’t know what your rights are in GB and with SENCO.

Do you have the right to request a new meeting and a new plan for your child? Is the educational plan enforceable? It sounds like the teachers are making decisions willy-nilly with no rhyme or reason.

If you don’t know what your child’s rights are, and yours as a parent, I would suggest finding out.

In the US the schools try to buffalo the parents into things they don’t want.

Good luck.

I’m in the US too, I just googled SENCO to find out what the other person that replied was talking about. Sounds like it is similar to lead ESS teacher. That’s what it’s called at my son’s school anyway. We have an IEP meeting coming up soon but since there’s a lot going on, I’ll probably see if it can be sooner. I’m a paraprofessional and I work with kids that have IEPs every day and I have been dealing with IEP meetings for 13 years now so I have some experience. I’m still nervous that since I work alongside the lead ESS teacher, she’s going to try to take charge and not even consider what I want.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Ok. You are in a good place then.

You can request an IEP anytime you want and as many times as you want one. I knew one mother who kept calling a new IEP meeting every week until the school gave her what she wanted.

You have the right to have EVERYBODY you want there, school personnel, advocates, family members, attorneys, anyone.

Be sure that among the school people invited is the person who can approve expenditures. A common trick is to agree to what you want, but have to check with….whoever holds the purse strings first. Get the person who holds the purse strings at your meeting.

Lack of funding is NOT a legal reason to deny a service.

If the school does deny a service, tell them you want to see the denial and the reason for the denial IN WRITING.

Remember the IEP is a legal document. The school cannot change it without your approval. Once in an IEP, the school must provide it.

Good luck!