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My thoughts on being an aspie and raising a kid

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Turbocks, May 23, 2020.

  1. Turbocks

    Turbocks Active Member

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    So I am a 19 year old aspie boy in my third year of high school and I have thought for some time what it's really like to raise a child from infancy to adulthood.

    Right now I feel I am far too young and I don't really have a whole lot of money so I should probably wait until I am old enough and when I have the money necessary to make it possible.

    Now what I do know is that discipline is everything and enforcing it is crucial and that is a skill lot's of kids today seem to lack, basic skills such as morals and learning to be a good person in general are also things every kid should learn as early as they can comprehend it and learn from it.

    I can't even count the amount of spoiled and undisciplined brats I have seen both in real life but also in shows like Super nanny.

    Proper language skills should also be focused on and it should not be ignored
    because if there is one thing that annoys me it's that many young people especially teenage boys and even toddlers learn to say explicit slang words that I find revolting to say in any conversation .

    I go at a high school for people with things like aspergers or ADHD and to be completely honest I am sick of the way the boys speak to each other and some of the girls are so revolting they think it's hilarious to make jokes about depressed and suicidal people cutting themselves or joking about autism.

    I am also not a big fan of the gender stereotypes in modern society that force boys and girls to act in a specific way because it's perceived as "normal" so I have to make sure to keep gender stereotypes away because they are harmful and the scary thing is that many parents unknowingly promote it.

    If there is one norm that kills both women and men it's the macho culture so prevalent in our society that says things like this to us boys and men such as " men do not cry , it's weak for a man to seek help , violence is the answer to everything"

    I am ashamed to say I used to be like that when I was younger and I am not proud of it at all which is why I have been trying to change over the last few years to be a good and better man especially towards women because there are so many piggish men in modern society that treat women like utter garbage...

    If I can avoid enforcing these types of harmful norms while raising a kid it would make me happy.

    When it comes to television there are way too many advertisements especially for things like technology and fast food or gambling sites .

    Also with YouTube kids there is always a risk of inappropriate content slipping by the cracks which is something that many non tech savvy parents may never even notice.

    This is why I would probably not use cable television or the equivalent online such as YouTube kids if I had kids of my own and besides a tablet is not a babysitter and will never be one.

    Also a lot of entertainment today on television meant for kids is complete garbage such as Teen titans go or Paw patrol.

    I have a background with skills in technology so I would probably just install a home server and load it up with Plex on a Linux server at home and afterwards all I would have to do would be to connect it to a TV.

    Plex is like Netflix except you get to choose what movies and entertainment is played so that way I can make sure everything is age appropriate , of good quality which means having things like a good story , interesting characters and an educational value.

    Having aspergers and raising a kid comes with it's own share of difficulties which I am aware of and those problems do include the failure to understand what a toddler means when he or she cries because babies cry for different reasons such as hunger or when they are simply tired and this is because people with aspergers have trouble reading the emotions of people and what they mean.

    If I ever do decide to start a relationship with somebody and decide to have kids it has to be somebody who knows what it's really like to have a relation with somebody who has aspergers who can help me out in situations when my difficulties get the better of me.

    In my opinion prioritising the psychological part of child care is the most important thing to do because when you do it correctly things like positive reinforcement really do make all the difference in the world and this is something I learned from reading information about large parrots which have needs very similar to that of a human toddler.

    Then again having fun , and being a loving and caring parent is just as important as discipline so as long as that balance is kept everything will be fine.

    These are some of my thoughts based on both from what I have seen in the degeneracy of the 2010's in terms of lazy parenting but also from things I have experienced and learned growing up in Sweden.

    Sorry if this text is getting really long , I really hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts about having aspergers and raising kids but also my thoughts on parenting in the 2010's in general and how things have become worse.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2020
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  2. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I totally agree with you on this one. It's one thing that I'm eternally grateful to my parents for, that they brought me and my siblings up without forcing gender roles/expectations upon us - I was, to a great extent, allowed to be who I wanted to be and not made to comply with what society thought I should be.

    Parenting/raising kids is something that I can also only imagine, as I never had my own kids. It's extremely compicated and situation-dependent, there's no one size fits all, it depends on the family's own dynamics and circumstances, and also the child him/herself. One mistake that parents make is that they forget that their child is an individual and not just an extension of themselves. Especially as they become older and more independent.
     
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  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Loved raising my daughter. She was so happy. Sometimes playing with rocks, playing dress-up with her girlfriends,getting plenty of outside play time -this was crucial. Homeschooling was the best way to build her foundation of values.
     
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  4. Shamar

    Shamar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You seem to be more mature, with a lot of insight and observations, than most people your age. You have seen the problems that can occur from parents trying to be friends instead of parents. You will find that being a parent is a wild, exhilarating, frightening roller coaster of a ride. There will be times when you want to simultaneously hug and strangle your child. Just be aware that there is a fine, blurry, and frequently moving line between discipline and abuse. Before you discipline your child, you have to first discipline yourself.
     
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  5. The Notorious LFC

    The Notorious LFC Member

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    So basically you're easily offended and feel that everyone else needs to accommodate your butthurt over their desire to discuss topics that have meaning to them? You don't have to agree it's hilarious, but this hits close to home because as a transgressive artist you're basically suggesting that it's wrong for me to discuss most of what I choose to discuss on tracks because you don't wish to hear it.

    That's fine, I won't force you to listen to me rhyme but dark humour is a coping mechanism that many of your fellow aspies use to deal with their experience. The fact that you don't appreciate jokes about self-harm, sexual topics, violence, etc doesn't make it unreasonable for others to discuss these aspects of their experience because it's often cathartic and helps to maintain perspective as well as initiate conversations that might be hard to launch into if you start off dead serious. I'm entitled to joke about being a miserable, self-destructive drug addict who's slowly going insane, because it's true and not being able to discuss it only makes it worse - and everyone else is entitled to talk about their life and experiences including the depraved and negative ones if it helps them to deal with it because life isn't always pretty or G rated and you're not forced to engage with them even if you occasionally will have to overhear them.

    Besides, you go to a school filled with people who share the same problems as yourself; we're prone to struggle with understanding boundaries and with self-awareness; it's inevitable that you're going to hear normal teenage behaviour sometimes expressed a little more loudly than average. After all, we're mostly normal except for all the ways we're not.
     
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  6. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Young minds haven't matured much and the revolting things actually are their priorities. If they had to work p/t or take care of grandpa or something, they would be different.

    The best thing, my daughter had a tux kitten at age 5. Because this was best to help her in dealing with allergies. She was empowered because she was able to get the kitten to come to her from under a huge deck. It would only come to her, Ms 5 year-old. So sweet. She blossomed being responsible for such a small life.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2020
  7. FormerlyAutistic

    FormerlyAutistic Well-Known Member

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    I definitely agree that declining morality and a lack of proper discipline is a big problem. I'm sure it's part of the big increase in autism rates recently.

    I think the biggest problem is emotional neglect. Emotions are extremely important and play a major role in everyone's lives whether they realize it or not. Loving parents who never learned about emotions can unintentionally neglect their children's emotional needs which can cause developmental delays, depression, anxiety, anger, and stress that they may suffer from their entire life.

    Childhood Emotional Neglect: What It Is, and How It Can Affect You
     
  8. FreeDiver

    FreeDiver How long can you hold your breath? V.I.P Member

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    WOW! That was a very interesting topic. I did a followup on that and I wonder how many other on this forum can relate to this situation.
     
  9. AprilR

    AprilR Member

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    I agree so much with everything you say. Where i live the lack of discipline and responsibility is a very real problem especially. Parents seem to think that public places are children's playgrounds and have no responsibility whatsoever to control them.
     
  10. FormerlyAutistic

    FormerlyAutistic Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure many of them can relate. I was emotionally neglected and suffered from many of the symptoms on that list. I found out recently, that at least for me, most of those symptoms were caused by the beliefs I formed as a result of being neglected. After watching the ASD CBT videos on Youtube I posted earlier, I was able to change my beliefs about myself and other people which greatly helped with depression, anxiety, and understanding people better (due to correcting misunderstandings and having less stress).
     
  11. Turbocks

    Turbocks Active Member

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    If there is one thing many parents and especially young teenage parents seem to forget is that the way they behave and speak is something their children will mimic which can be incredibly devastating especially in families where violent and inappropriate sexual behaviour occurs on a regular basis.

    On the topic of emotional abuse this is something that tends to happen to boys where the father shouts and screams at the boy which is something I have experienced on rare occasions as a child and I have always disliked when that happens because usually my father is such a loving and understanding person.



    I guess even good people have their bad sides as well which is to be expected because we humans are not perfect.
     
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