My Social Anxiety

[D temp]

Right then... Not sure where to start so I'll mention whatever comes to mind.

If I went lets say 1 day without signing onto MSN (Or keeping in contact with someone) I'd become overly paranoid. I'd worry that the friendship was 'collapsing' or 'they're getting used to being without me' which gets to me hard. I just hate the thought of them being aware I'm not talking to them, and them wondering why. The same applies to when I can't think of anything to say because I worry what they're thinking when they realise this. The solution seems simple... "Just sign onto msn and talk to them then?" but that causes a new issue.

Being in a social situation (I class MSN as social) means I need to think of things to say, and I'm constantly cautious and aware of what the other person is thinking of me. I often end up giving an excuse to sign out just so I can get out of such awkwardness. It's hard to put my finger on exactly WHY it's such an issue for me and litterally makes me dread signing on BUT I know it's something to do with the aboves.

Not being able to be chatty and think of things to say makes me feel as if I'm boring, which results in self abuse, which in turn results in depression. Why would anyone want to talk to someone who seems so uncapable of social things? The wierd thing is, on MSN, alot of people often say I appear fine and on a recent trip to London to meet a fellow aspie she claimed I was the chatty one. When I just know I wasn't.

It's SO frustrating seeing other 'Aspies' seem fine with having friendships and not getting worried/paranoid over the whole 'maintaining/what are they thinking?' Issue. It's not that I don't want friends, but it's such a struggle. I often wish I never met 99% of the people I know so I wouldn't have to go through it 24/7.

An example of an issue today:
Woke up bit later than usual and was instantly worried I hadn't texted a friend to say G'morning or whatever. She'd actually sent me one 2 hours earlier but since I was aslep I didn't get it... I become paranoid about it and worried she'd have thought I was ignoring her so she'd not think anything highly of me. (In a friendship way)

So when I did text her and got a reply almost instantly I was pretty relieved, but then the issue came of keeping the convo up. I can't enjoy anything social unless I have things to say, so I ended up coming up with an excuse that my phone was low on battery so I could get out of the 'texting eachother' situation.

I went to watch T.V and couldn't concentrate on it because I felt so bad I wasn't able to enjoy talking to someone I genuinly liked. I was worried what they'd be thinking, and if they'd have picked up that I often come up with 'reasons' why I must go. I ended up spending the rest of today just looking forward to the moment the people I knew went to bed so I was in a situation where I didn't feel compelled to keep the contact up. So here I am now, 1 hour after most people have gone to bed, feeling ****.

Any thoughts? I can't put into words how bad it is. :mellow:

 

[Chris]

I can relate to most of that, but my anxiety issues never spilled into computers. Computers have always been my sanctuary - when I'm behind a screen nobody can hurt me and there's a certain comfort in having more time to write responses in conversations rather than having to keep up the flow of a conversation in real life.

In year 9 at school I couldn't talk to anyone other than.. my best friend? Or people I knew very well. I always said it's not that I couldn't or won't talk to other people... I just don't have anything to say. To some extent that's still true, I always seem to feel speechless.

I don't know how things are with you, but I can only be myself around people I know.. like.. really well. But getting to that stage can take months and years - hence I only have a few friends. Maybe it's similar for you - maybe you'll grow more comfortable around people if you see them more (hence the trip the London may have been pretty awkward? )

My advice to you, though easier said than done, is to try and relax about certain things. I was stuck with my 'shyness' or social anxiety or speechlessness for years at school, though I've been improving a lot since I left two years ago. If you're worried about friendships collapsing in a single day or two over lack of communication and they do then said friendship wasn't worth anything anyway.

 

[Sipe]

I can relate to that. I used to have the same problem. But then I found the solution; I went to MSN only when I had something to say. I have been out of MSN even for weeks. Maybe even more but my friends still talk to me. And if those friends of yours stops chatting with you if you only were offline for a couple of days I would`t call them your "friends" just like Chris said.

And I`m the same as Chris about the fact that I also don`t speak with other people I don`t know well. Not because I don`t want to but because I simply don`t have anything to say.

 

[D temp]

Thanks for the replies.

@Chris, as much as I agree with you, I've often came to conclude that my worrying is a coping strategy. I feel if I don't worry or get stressed about something it won't get done. That's the best I can word it, pretty hard to explain. :unsure: