My road in life might be close to a dead end

[jtab7800]

I hope that this is the right place for this post. My life keeps looking like it’s less and less worth living. The misery in my life has gone on for too long, and it just keeps pushing me, especially when my mother callously downplays it at all times, and tells me that I’ve always had what she calls the “life of Riley,” not caring how I feel about anything.

She is completely clueless about what I’ve been through, and the toll it has taken on me. It’s enough to make a person want to literally throw himself off the tallest building he can find, and I’m dead serious. It's causing health problems that might never be addressed, because my mother wouldn't take me to the ER or a doctor unless I was almost dead. It's I you have to be showing only the absolute most severe of symptoms, before she'll take me to get any medical attention.

Mom has even angrily called me a hypochondriac before. She keeps telling me that the waiting times at emergency rooms are far too long, and that ER doctors are nothing but quacks who are too incompetent to get a position as a doctor anywhere else in the hospital, or open a practice of their own. Mom has had a seething grudge against emergency rooms ever since 2014, when we took my brother to one, and it took literally 10 hours for them to find a hospital room for him.

Try to magine the reaction from someone like my mother -- someone who has never had any patience for anyone or anything. She has what might be called a double standard with patience -- a different standard for her, and a different standard for me. If it's something that she wants, it has to happen 10 years ago. If it's something I'm hoping for, it has to take as long as humanly possible, until such time as she's the one who's ready for it to happen. Isn't it a bit unfair that she has vastly different standards for the two of us? Maybe she would change her tune if she could walk a thousand miles in my shoes.

Though my mother acts the way she does, I still love her, and I'm worried about the aortic aneurysm that's inside of her that nothing has been done about. She hasn't been listening to the cardiologist's order to stay calm so it won't expand anymore and burst. It's like she doesn't care. And now one of our two little Yorkies, who is only 6-years-old, has been diagnosed with a large tumor in his abdomen, and we might lose him if his surgery on January 8th doesn't go well.

I’ve completely reached the end of my rope. The only way I’ll ever believe that my life will ever have any good in it is if I see solid, concrete proof, and that’s something I’ll never see. People think I’m going to live forever, and I do not have forever to have a life.

People need to remember that no one lives forever, and not many men in my family make it very far past 60-years-old -- my father was only 60 when he passed away, and his brother, my uncle, was only 59. My aunt on that side of the family was only 66.

I’ve always wanted to have a complete family of my own, but I'll nebver have that, because no woman on this Earth wants to give me a chance to show that I'm the kind of person who will be good to her. They seem to always want someone better-looking, and that makes me feel ugly. Womeon who treat me like garbage are never ashamed of themselves for it. It makes me wonder if there are any good people in the world. If there are, then they're as impossible to find as a needle hiding in a haystack the size of Jupiter.

Maybe I don’t need anyone in this world, if no one wants me. Maybe I’m better off as alone as people seem to callously want me to be. Maybe I deserve for Valentine’s Day to be as unbearably empty and miserable as it is for me every year. Maybe I deserve all the misery that I’ve ever had in my life, without having any help in making things better.

There is no way for me to meet anyone except for nothing but men, because that’s all Mom seems to ever want me to ever be around. She helps me find some kind of activity to do, and it’s nothing but all guys. I want to be around women too. I love women with a passion, but they hate my guts. My mother has an aortic aneurysm in her chest that nothing has been done about yet, and I want to have someone in my life BEFORE Mom’s aneurysm kills her. I failed while Dad was still alive, and I don’t want to fail while Mom is still alive. How much longer am I supposed to suffer in misery before anything good finally happens in my life?

I can't get my mother to listen to anything, but she'll listen to other people a lot better than she'll ever listen to me. I feel like, as long as I live with my mother, there will never be any hope for me. I can’t trust her to help me do anything about any problems, or for anything else. And I'm not asking anyone to do anything for me -- just a helping hand.

I’m not like my mother. I like to do something about my problems instead of doing nothing. It’s like she hates being understanding, probably because it would likely mean that she doesn’t have to be as agonizingly hard on me as she wants to be.

And if I ever do accomplish anything in my life, the chances of which are obviously zero, Mom would want it to be done her way, or no other way at all, on her terms or no other terms at all. She will not allow anything to be done on my terms, and I feel like she will not allow me to ever have any control over my own life.

I’m trapped in the situation I’m in, and there is no hope for my life to be any good. As a matter of fact, my life has been absolutely nothing, which makes me wonder why I was even born. I feel like I have absolutely no purpose on this Earth. I will never amount to anything, I do not deserve to know what it’s like to have someone in my life and be loved, and I do no deserve anything else good.

I know that people clearly think I still haven’t waited long enough for anything. Why else would no one ever be helping me try to end my agonizing loneliness? I might as well give up and be as miserable as everyone seems to want me to be. I can’t trust Mom, and I can’t trust any other people.

I will do what everyone seems to want -- lay down, give up, have nothing and no one, and continue to be so miserable that it’s likely to drive me to end it all by my own hand. This world would probably be a happier place without me in it anyway, because no one seems to care much. I don’t think my death, if it were to happen, would ever be seismic enough to straighten anyone up anyway, and make them treat others better.

I feel like I’m at rock bottom right now, with no hope of anything getting better. I don’t deserve anything good in this world. I never have, and I never will. I’m a worthless human being who will never amount to anything, and will never find anyone to love, because no one wants to help an autistic person with it. And considering who's in charge of the United States now, things are only going to keep getting worse for autistic people.

Why is it so impossible for me to even so much as even meet a woman? Maybe it’s time for me to stop trusting, and completely kill my emotions so I can’t feel anything anymore, not even the misery that's impossible for me to end short of doing something drastic. Living in this world is not working out for me. It’s a world that seems to truly despise autistic people, and I can’t stand being hated by the callous world that I live in.

And my mother sure doesn’t care how I feel. If I tell her anything about how I’m feeling about anything, the only thing she does is get annoyed instead of showing any sympathy. I feel like I truly am alone in the world, with no hope of any recourse, and no hope of any happiness whatsoever in my life. And I feel like I’m nothing but an annoyance to everyone. I just hope that it all won’t end up being goodbye for me. I feel like the world would be happy if I just died, went to hell, and stayed there, because I've been in that place from day one. I have a staggering fear of death, but a person can only be pushed so far before they break, and I feel like I'm only a thine line away from broken.

 

[lunarious]

Spoiler: Religious Commentary

I hope that this is the right place for this post. My life keeps looking like it’s less and less worth living. The misery in my life has gone on for too long, and it just keeps pushing me, especially when my mother callously downplays it at all times, and tells me that I’ve always had what she calls the “life of Riley,” not caring how I feel about anything.

I heard when life pushes you back, it is making you ready for a grand release. Physically like archery. You are like an arrow in the hands of God. Being patient and cooperative, being pushed further back enables a Higher reward for you. In the Hereafter.

I'm muslim and that means i'm Scientific with belief in Jesus (pbuh) etc., but that is not my point, my point is i Believe in a Hereafter and I don't know when it'll come where i'll .. fly like an arrow and land. I'm defietly on earth now, in this life, but there's a hereafter coming that i'm not aware of, from a Just Loving God.

In the Hereafter I will see Physically all the times where i was patient, and served a greater good because I was patient. I will be recognized as Royal Guard maybe. In the Hereafter.

Edit: I'll try to follow this thread.

Edit2:

I can't get my mother to listen to anything, but she'll listen to other people a lot better than she'll ever listen to me. I feel like, as long as I live with my mother, there will never be any hope for me. I can’t trust her to help me do anything about any problems, or for anything else. And I'm not asking anyone to do anything for me -- just a helping hand.

I feel this reminds me of my relationship with my mom. Life don't have much to offer. We want it to pass over in Peace.

If i want to satisfy a woman, i might aswel use that energy to be The Man my mom wants to depend on. I'm soon 40, and and almost Virgin. Virginity is a virtue in all Traditions by the way. Because this life is not important.

I just want skills that can earn me Money and Peace. And to proceede to the next station.

Spoiler: Religious Commentary

I will do what everyone seems to want -- lay down, give up, have nothing and no one, and continue to be so miserable that it’s likely to drive me to end it all by my own hand. This world would probably be a happier place without me in it anyway, because no one seems to care much. I don’t think my death, if it were to happen, would ever be seismic enough to straighten anyone up anyway, and make them treat others better.

Imam Ali (as) warrior-poet said like: I'll be patient until Patience can't endure me, i'll be patient until The All Merciful will look in my situation, i will be patient until Patience knows i've been patient on something more bitter than Patience

سأصبر حتى يعجز الصبر عن صبري، سأصبر حتى ينظر الرحمن في أمري، سأصبر حتى يعلم الصبر أني صبرت على شيء أمرّ من الصبر" ~ علي بن أبي طالب

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

Call 988 (the crises hotline)if you feel that you may be a risk to yourself

 

[lunarious]

Call 988 (the crises hotline)if you feel that you may be a risk to yourself

Asking people to help with not killing yourself, or killing yourself are both weak positions.

I don't know if death sometimes is good.

 

[Aspychata]

My mom is very controlling, very, very, very controlling. If l have a issue, l need to suck it up and not say anything. But the minute she has an issue, l am suppose to be all ears. l never felt l could make her happy. So l finally quit trying. l moved back near her to salvage what is left of us, and her time left on earth. It hasn't been easy. But moving out as a teenager ,(kicked out), was the best thing for me. I found out l am not as horrible as my mom made me feel. People appreciated me and l learn to have confidence. Not sure if you are able to gain some independence from her doing anything outside of home.

Apparently there is an epidemic of lonely people. Some of this is centered around us being on our phones night and day. Many of us work full days and are too tired to meet someone. Alot of people live at the poverty level, and are unable to step outside of that bubble. So please don't blame yourself, but perhaps try to better yourself by finding a passion, taking up a sport, exercise, class, learn a musical instrument, volunteer at a animal shelter, work part-time at a job where you will meet women. Sorry to read that life doesn't feel very fulfilling, perhaps you can look inward and see if you can make some positive changes, small changes are a start.

 

[Poppy98]

Short version: if possible, try what aspychata said, plus some tangents on how to get romantic advice.

And considering who's in charge of the United States now, things are only going to keep getting worse for autistic people.

I wouldn't believe all of the fear-mongering. Amongst other things, presidential terms end.

My mom is very controlling, very, very, very controlling. If l have a issue, l need to suck it up and not say anything. But the minute she has an issue, l am suppose to be all ears. l never felt l could make her happy. So l finally quit trying. l moved back near her to salvage what is left of us, and her time left on earth. It hasn't been easy. But moving out as a teenager ,(kicked out), was the best thing for me. I found out l am not as horrible as my mom made me feel. People appreciated me and l learn to have confidence. Not sure if you are able to gain some independence from her doing anything outside of home.

Apparently there is an epidemic of lonely people. Some of this is centered around us being on our phones night and day. Many of us work full days and are too tired to meet someone. Alot of people live at the poverty level, and are unable to step outside of that bubble. So please don't blame yourself, but perhaps try to better yourself by finding a passion, taking up a sport, exercise, class, learn a musical instrument, volunteer at a animal shelter, work part-time at a job where you will meet women. Sorry to read that life doesn't feel very fulfilling, perhaps you can look inward and see if you can make some positive changes, small changes are a start.

I agree with this advice. You already suspect that your environment is effecting your quality of life, so I think it's worthwhile to at least try to get a social worker to get you onto disability payments and live in a group home for a while. You might have a different outcome.


I wouldn't judge your value in life on having a family but I've seen people find at least dating partners who match their abilities. (If you have the option to move out it may likewise increase your chances of both meeting people and getting a date.) People tend to couple up along their age and functioning level. It might be harder for you to meet someone similar to you if your potential matches are less common.


Also on the point of romantic interactions for some reason men (especially men who have been heavily influenced by the internet) seem to think that they will find a perfect match by accident. You have to consider how many people you interact with and what percentage are even reasonable matches and work the numbers in your favor.

If I were wanting there to be a possibility of me finding a match. (I'm actually non-amorous, but none-the-less...) I wouldn't spend all of my time in retirement homes and babysitting kids (unless I'm trying to maybe flirt with the male techs and single dads).
For you, jobs or community meals and community events would help give you opportunities.


There are also little tricks that help your chances of getting attention. Relationships, let alone courting are a little involved, but things like being noticed (in a good way), being good with weaker beings and being able to broadly apply the ideas of agency are all highly appealing qualities. Each might take a little work, but if a relationship is a big goal in your life, it's probably worth it. Those along with at least a certain level of social skills will get you much farther than looks ever will.


Much of dating advice resembles other social skills advice, but if you still want additional advice on the topic it would be wise to both keep working on skills and keep asking here and maybe from some other select options.

Also I think a lot of women who wouldn't be your matches would still be plenty happy to talk about the PG aspects of their love lives (aka free advice for you if you are able to keep them talking happily). They might not give direct advice because it's not as fun but they might give you a lot of insight into how women think. (Ex almost every man looks nice in a tailored suit or work uniform (even nice khaki's and a polo can make almost any guy look pretty put-together.)

 

[thejuice]

I'm really sorry you're in such a terrible place, I identify with a lot of what you wrote and your frustration. My parents have a similar, apparent aloofness and lack of sympathy.

What does getting mad at them achieve, they are the way they are, a product of their upbringing, genes and culture. They have their own struggles. Why would they help me when I wasn't helping myself? Stewing in my own juices will keep me trapped. All we can be to others, is the person we wished we had helping us.

I believe the 'Life of Riley' doesn't exist. Look at someone like Prince Harry, all the immense privilege in the world and he has a persistent face of thunder in every public appearance he makes, because he is absolutely riddled with resentment and self righteous indignation at everyone else.

I found in the past when I was sheltered from the world and had no real, immediate challenges in life, my idle, restless brain conjured up plenty of doomsday scenarios from thin air. I was a relatively comfortable malcontent, convinced it was all about to come crashing down any minute.

I heard a really interesting theory about why horror movies are set in carnivals, how they represent meaningless, fleeting fun, a detachment from reality, a waste of time spent on self gratifying hedonism. How the writers are able to juxtapose an undercurrent of sadness and terror under the superficial fun.

That's an exaggerated analogy, I don't know much about your situation of course, I'm making a general point of how we live in an age of being "amused to death".* Society has us pursuing our own ends, made everything constantly available, all of the time, with no limits. Some of us become frazzled and sadly find ourselves at the end of our tether.

I feel you might be looking for something outside of yourself to plaster over a gaping hole. We need a purpose beyond ourselves to quieten our demons.

*Stole that from Roger Waters

 

[lunarious]

Short version: if possible, try what aspychata said, plus some tangents on how to get romantic advice.





I wouldn't believe all of the fear-mongering. Amongst other things, presidential terms end.


I agree with this advice. You already suspect that your environment is effecting your quality of life, so I think it's worthwhile to at least try to get a social worker to get you onto disability payments and live in a group home for a while. You might have a different outcome.


I wouldn't judge your value in life on having a family but I've seen people find at least dating partners who match their abilities. (If you have the option to move out it may likewise increase your chances of both meeting people and getting a date.) People tend to couple up along their age and functioning level. It might be harder for you to meet someone similar to you if your potential matches are less common.


Also on the point of romantic interactions for some reason men (especially men who have been heavily influenced by the internet) seem to think that they will find a perfect match by accident. You have to consider how many people you interact with and what percentage are even reasonable matches and work the numbers in your favor.

If I were wanting there to be a possibility of me finding a match. (I'm actually non-amorous, but none-the-less...) I wouldn't spend all of my time in retirement homes and babysitting kids (unless I'm trying to maybe flirt with the male techs and single dads).
For you, jobs or community meals and community events would help give you opportunities.


There are also little tricks that help your chances of getting attention. Relationships, let alone courting are a little involved, but things like being noticed (in a good way), being good with weaker beings and being able to broadly apply the ideas of agency are all highly appealing qualities. Each might take a little work, but if a relationship is a big goal in your life, it's probably worth it. Those along with at least a certain level of social skills will get you much farther than looks ever will.


Much of dating advice resembles other social skills advice, but if you still want additional advice on the topic it would be wise to both keep working on skills and keep asking here and maybe from some other select options.

Also I think a lot of women who wouldn't be your matches would still be plenty happy to talk about the PG aspects of their love lives (aka free advice for you if you are able to keep them talking happily). They might not give direct advice because it's not as fun but they might give you a lot of insight into how women think. (Ex almost every man looks nice in a tailored suit or work uniform (even nice khaki's and a polo can make almost any guy look pretty put-together.)

@jtab7800 Yeah. You can have a woman and long story, or Martial Arts and short story.

Long story is romance. Short is laconic.

 

[Crabcore]

We need a purpose beyond ourselves

Great quote! I really resonate with that as well

It's worth noting that whenever we're indulging in self-pity, we're actually feeling sorry for ourselves, which means we really do care and do believe in things getting better. Sometimes it can mean that we don't like who we are (at least in our current state), and using that pain as incentive can really be a catalyst for positive change within ourselves.

Love and connectedness are common themes here, too; crying out for love, crying for connection, and so on. These are things that are more attainable than you might realize (seriously, just ask 100 people out on a date and one of them will say yes), but sometimes the largest barrier to getting to where we want to be (as in 'the next level') is ourselves. Blaming others for this doesn't really get us in tune with ourselves, so sometimes shifting the power back (even in very small amounts) can be what it takes to get the ball rolling in a more favorable direction.

You will find what you want in life, but keep in mind that it'll never truly make you happy until you realize you're just a worthy human, capable of love and affection like the rest of us. No better, no worse.

 

[Dagan]

I could describe your mom as just narcissistic, but I bet it more along the lines of "still grieving." Grief doesn't have a time frame in the first place, but grieving the loss of the person closest to you can definitely make someone just break big time...and certainly not care or even be able to truly acknowledge anyone else's feelings. If she's never been to therapy for said loss(es), then that's the first step that needs to be taken care of. She needs help for herself, or else she's never going to be good for others to depend on in any way, shape or form. I think she's possibly in no position of being able to validate emotions.

 

[arithmetic]

I've felt like that. I'm pretty sure its not a special autism thing.
When I was 10 I started reading, looking for advice in story form that might help me with "my problems", which were much like your own.
When I was about 60 I found what I had sought all those years in a sentence written by Freud - I can only paraphrase - something like "The child who has always known that he is his mother's favourite never loses the feeling of being the conqueror, while in the opposite case not only is this feeling missing, but it is replaced by almost active darkness".
My mother quite rejected me because she could see I am different. After her almost formal, verbal rejection of me, my mother began to call on my father to beat me. They thereafter gained sadistic pleasure in mistreating me.
Eventually I found a path out of hell.
The only paths I know of that lead out of Hell, lead towards the Light.

Every day, some poor sack asks a prayer of whomever they conceive able to fulfil that prayer... I mean they pray and hope for an answer.
Be the answer to someone's prayer. Then, you'll find you're doing the work of One who answers prayers of compassion.
Youll discover for yourself the rewards of doing Her work

 

[Vanden Plastic]

I can't write much right now, as I'm in the deepest burnout I've yet experienced, therefore actually getting my thoughts to gel and turning them into words is almost beyond my capabilities... but a LOT of what's being said here resonates with me.

Being that the only times I've actually functioned (reasonably) well and not been completely in the weeds has been when in a romantic relationship... a big problem in a neurotypical world is that there's almost always these unspoken rules where men must be the one who makes the first move, and it's extremely easy to get dismissed right out of the gate when you're a bit awkward or don't follow the prescribed path without veering off. This makes OP's quest to meet someone all that more difficult... So, I'm wondering: Does this tend to also be the case with autistic dating sites?

 

[jtab7800]

Call 988 (the crises hotline)if you feel that you may be a risk to yourself

I don't know if anyone there could help, or understand someone who is autistic, because I really need help with my mother and her hardened-up attitude about everything. It gives off the impression that she's using that hardness as some sort of shield, and it's literally taking a toll on my health. I also want to say that I'm sorry about any typos that my emotional state caused in my post. That seems to happen when I type while I'm feeling like I'm about to fall off the edge. Anyway, I have a suspicion as to what contributes the most to her hardness, and how quick her temper is.

My mother was raised in a remote, rural area in the mountains of the eastern part of Kentucky, where I spent a lot of my childhood noticing that grown-ups, at least in areas like that, have horrible tempers toward kids, and believe in hitting them, even with a wooden paddle in the schools, and that was done to me by teachers and principals, for things that I now realize had been part of my autism all along. That makes me wonder if things would've been better for me if I had been diagnosed during my childhood. It always seemed that grown-ups that I met while living there were always using every toxic phrase you can use on a child, such as a teacher telling elementary school students to "act like adults." I actually heard a teacher say that to his students once. Are there parents who hit their kids because they think it works as some sort of salve for their temper, and makes them feel better?

I've been told by my mother herself that her father, during her childhood, relentlessly beat her almost every day with a belt, and her mother didn't really care. And her significantly older brother did things to her that maybe I shouldn't mention here, but you might know what I mean. She never got any help for it. From what I've heard, a lot of people who were born when she was born don't believe in getting help from psychiatric experts.

My mother believes that all it takes to get past something like that is to just completely forget that that part of her past ever happened, never bring it up, and never, ever get any help for how it affected her. She tells me that she doesn't want a therapist "getting into her business." I believe that the abuse that was inflicted on her is what gave her an explosive temper, and such a quickness in losing it, and escalating things. She has a hard time sympathizing a lot of times, and I wonder if she sees what she's been through as being worse than what anyone else in the world has ever been through, or if she's just so numbed by it that she can't see what her own son is going through. She even uses one of the most toxic phrases you can say to a person -- "Other people have it worse than you do." That phrase has been proven to invalidate the feelings of the person that you're talking to.

Do anyone of you remember how harsh shows like Roseanne and the shows that Norman Lear created in the 1970s were? Mom seems to love to speak with the level of harshness that's seen in those shows, sometimes even taking it to an even harsher level. And I think that losing Dad years ago might've hardened her up even more. Sometimes, I get the impression that she thinks I should've gotten over that loss quickly. Trauma responses to anything seem to get more of an annoyed reaction out of her than any other kind of reaction. She can come across as the nicest lady, but with her, things can turn on a dime, and get dark very quickly.

There have been two times over the past few years where she has gotten so nasty during an argument that she accused me of wishing that she was the one who passed away instead of Dad. She apologized to me both times, after calming down enough, but try to imagine how much that hurt. She hasn't said that since, but there are still too many times when she says something that's harsh enough to hurt a lot.

One of the reasons why losing Dad still hits me so hard is because when I was finally diagnosed with what experts used to call Asperger's Syndrome when I was almost 28-years-old, I saw a change in Dad. He became a lot more understanding. Things got a lot better between us, and we had only seven years of that before he passed away. Mom hasn't seemed to make as much of a change as Dad did.

My life has been nothing but pain that I don't think will ever end so I can finally have happiness in my life, and I can't get any help with it. For a couple of years, I've been seeing a therapist for my depression, but she's becoming less effective. She's been cancelling appointments more often than she used to. I do understand that she has kids that she has to take care of, and she needs to do that, but she has a partner at home who takes care of the kids too. Yes, that means that she's in a same-sex relationship, and I've told her that that does not bother me at all, because I don't think that there is anything wrong with love.

Having someone in my life is a kind of love that I don't think I will ever get the opportunity to experience, and I've been made to feel like I don't deserve to. A lot of times, I feel like I'm still as misunderstood as I was before my diagnosis. Try to imagine how much bullying I was put through in school, by both kids and teachers, because no one ever understood me. Maybe I'm not worthy of anyone's love. Maybe that's why no woman in this world wants to give me a chance. Maybe women would be glad if I'm gone, because if I'm gone, they wouldn't have to see my ugly face anymore. At least that's how they've made me feel about my looks.

I just don't know what it's going to take for me to find happiness for the first time in my life. At this point, it looks like it'll take something drastic for that to happen. I want to learn how to drive so I can have more freedom than I do. It would also make things easier for my mother, who has severe back problems that keep her from driving sometimes, and it would give me the freedom to go places without having to have her drive me.

I just don't feel like my life will ever be any good, and I feel like I'll never amount to anything. I've had enough of cruelty being inflicted on me, but I don't think cruelty will ever get tired of inflicting itself on me.

 

[Matthias]

Self-help books can be really helpful for the kind of chronic problems you mentioned. They're available for almost every topic (depression, self-esteem, emotional intelligence, relationships, etc.)

As far as women, I'm sure there are plenty of women who would be interested in a relationship with you because people who are homeless, addicted to drugs, physically handicapped, mentally ill, etc. are able to find relationships and it's likely women would find you more desirable than them.

To increase your chance of success, it's important to search for women who are in a similar situation as yourself in terms of attractiveness, employment, housing, mental health, social skills, and other characteristics women deem important. If the women you approach think you're ugly, it doesn't mean you're ugly. It just means they have more attractive men interested in them. If you pursue less attractive women, they are more likely to find you attractive. Improving your character and mental health through therapy and self-help books will also make you more desirable to women.