My mom says that autistic adults don’t have the same rights as non autistic adults.

[Swiftykitty]

A lot better like she probably won’t get physical when in her medicine . My dad said that he would divorce her if she doesn’t take her medicine again . But here she is lying about it saying she’s taken it when I’ve been with Her all day and she hasn’t and she’s going off calling us heathens and screaming yelling and cussing jumping from one topic to the next . When my dad told her that she was like well I’m going to take it right now. That’s not the only thing she’s lied about . She made me “vegetarian “ chili that had meat in it . She said you better eat this I made it special just for you . And when I said no it has meat in it she said no it doesn’t and got mad at me for not eating it. Thank god someone understands ! Her eyes get super big and she get in your face and starts grabbing you . Her world go like a mile per minute. What is your experience with this ? Do you have a loved one with it?

 

[Fino]

No, unfortunately, my experience with it is with myself.

Certain things prevented me from being exactly as she is, such as a violent childhood has caused such an aversion to violence that I would never physically harm someone.

And things related to autism and anxiety prevented me from constantly acting out the way she does.

But I've thought all of the things you describe.

And I went to great lengths to avoid hurting others, by severely hurting myself or abusing drugs.

Everything is in the past tense because I haven't been like this for about seven months because I take a lot of medication and have a fantastic support system. If either of these were to fall through, it would be quite dangerous, I think.

It's what I meant about something terrible, like someone dying or nearly dying, being required to change her. I nearly died more than once and many important people left me forever before I did anything to change. And I know that during certain times, there wasn't anything anyone could have done to change anything. It's good that they left.

Does she have a Favorite Person, as far as you know? If that doesn't mean much to you:

What Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder Means When They Say They Have a 'Favorite Person'

"While a best friend can be an FP, it’s usually so much more than that — and it’s important to know the differences. To oversimplify, best friends are people you love and count on, but a favorite person is someone you have an emotional dependence on, someone who can “make or break” your day."

This is what made me think of the ultimatum idea. If her Favorite Person were able to monitor her medication usage and if they have the ability to say something like, "If I ever find that you didn't take it, I'm done. You won't see me again."

Then that could actually work, because that was my only motivation when I started taking medication. But after a while, when I saw how I felt, I wanted to take it. Now, he's probably forgotten he ever said that.

Does she self-harm or threaten self-harm or is it all outward?

 

[Swiftykitty]

Im so sorry you have this . I think my mom might have autism as well because she flaps her hands when she’s upset and she is very literal and doesn’t get cues when people are done talking to her or want her to leave . No one knows she has bpd and she doesn’t self harm because she has the high functioning kind.

 

[Fino]

She's never been in therapy? Long-term therapy and medication is the only chance, as far as I know.

She doesn't sound particularly high-functioning. Or is she perfectly normal in most places and around most people then awful just around the immediate family?

 

[Swiftykitty]

Yes everyone loves her and says you have the best mom. But behind the scenes she is the devil.

 

[china autie]

I am so sorry to read what you are going through Swiftykitty.

In my experience with my own mom, she never stops being who she is no matter what.

If you are financially dependent upon her for reasons like she is paying for you to go to school, that is one thing.
Otherwise, perhaps getting a job and then moving out.

But if you are in school and she is footing the bill, or you cannot work and school at the same time [something which I think is difficult to do], then I guess

maybe just concentrate on doing what you have to do to graduate so you can get out.

There is an old book called "When I say no I feel guilty" by Manuel J. Smith. Some of it is like getting stores to lower their prices on stuff and some of it

is what to do when people insist upon fighting.

"You could be right."
"You've given me something to think about."
are two ways to deflect an argument.

There is other stuff in there too.

If someone is determined to prove us "wrong," then it is a sort of a waste of time to engage.

Best Wishes

 

[rollerskate]

You are pretty well describing my mom. Only, despite her fear of abandonment, she abandoned me 3x. Everyone thinking she's fantastic etc... sounds a lot like covert narcissism, and you may do well to read up on it.

There's been no cure for our relationship as of yet except outright zero contact.

The thing is, they're not just hard to deal with. When they're your parent, they tend to have a pretty severe negative impact on your own mental health, no matter how old and mature you get.

They don't like the medication because they don't get any relief from it, and it comes with cognitive impacts that make functioning more difficult unless they have the comorbid conditions that medication was actually designed for. This is even more true if they're on the spectrum.

Minimal medication combined with heavy talk therapy is what is recommended, but clinicians hate dealing with them, too, so they often end up getting drugged more just to make them easier to manage. Personality disorders in general are thought to be environmentally developed and not biologically developed.

Please work towards gaining your independence. And when you're ready to leave, just LEAVE. Don't wait around for her permission. Just do it!

 

[Fino]

You are pretty well describing my mom. Only, despite her fear of abandonment, she abandoned me 3x. Everyone thinking she's fantastic etc... sounds a lot like covert narcissism, and you may do well to read up on it.

There's been no cure for our relationship as of yet except outright zero contact.

The thing is, they're not just hard to deal with. When they're your parent, they tend to have a pretty severe negative impact on your own mental health, no matter how old and mature you get.

They don't like the medication because they don't get any relief from it, and it comes with cognitive impacts that make functioning more difficult unless they have the comorbid conditions that medication was actually designed for. This is even more true if they're on the spectrum.

Minimal medication combined with heavy talk therapy is what is recommended, but clinicians hate dealing with them, too, so they often end up getting drugged more just to make them easier to manage. Personality disorders in general are thought to be environmentally developed and not biologically developed.

Please work towards gaining your independence. And when you're ready to leave, just LEAVE. Don't wait around for her permission. Just do it!

Your mom abandoning others would likely not be in spite of her fear of abandonment, but because of it. The idea is to abandon the other before the person has a chance to abandon them.

I've only noticed "cognitive impacts that make functioning more difficult," from anti-psychotics, which are often the first choice by doctors, in my experience, unfortunately. The amount of medication would depend entirely on the subjective experience of the individual, such as levels of distress.

From everything I've read, personality disorders are thought to be environmentally developed, yes, but also biologically predisposed. If environment were the only factor, similar environments would inevitably result in similar disorders, which is not the case.

 

[“Normal?”nick]

Unless you’re a felon, you have the same rights as everybody else. I also have issues with my mother but you can’t give in to control freaks. Don’t let yourself care enough to be burdened with the task of finding “proof”

In my case, nobody knows (that I know of) except my wife. Even my own mother doesn’t know or doesn’t want to know so how exactly is the rest of the world gonna reduce my rights to “autistic rights”.

I’m 29, I work a good job, I have a cpl, I vote, I have a drivers license, and own a home in ten acres (perfect for keeping the rest of the world away from me) so I do believe I possess as well as exercise the same rights as the so called “normal” people.

 

[rollerskate]

Your mom abandoning others would likely not be in spite of her fear of abandonment, but because of it. The idea is to abandon the other before the person has a chance to abandon them.

I've only noticed "cognitive impacts that make functioning more difficult," from anti-psychotics, which are often the first choice by doctors, in my experience, unfortunately. The amount of medication would depend entirely on the subjective experience of the individual, such as levels of distress.

From everything I've read, personality disorders are thought to be environmentally developed, yes, but also biologically predisposed. If environment were the only factor, similar environments would inevitably result in similar disorders, which is not the case.

Anti-psychotics were part of what I was subtly referring to, but not explicitly calling out. SSRIs can be problematic as well for some genetic profiles, in the form of serotonin syndrome (which is why I didn't only refer to anti-psychotics - all medications can have unexpected results, depending on a person's genetic composition).

Most genetic psychiatric disorders and even many chronic illnesses don't become ACTIVE ISSUES without the person being in an environment that supports and nurtures their manifestation. The only psychiatric diseases that I know of that don't have this aspect to them are mood, dissociative, and schizo spectrum disorders... but even those are still impacted heavily in their severity by the environment.

BPD though in particular has been heavily debated as an environmentally rooted disorder of thinking, primarily due to their severe fear of abandonment, which is more often than not rooted in very real past abandonment. Some diagnostic materials explicitly state that BPD can only occur comorbidly to a genetically born illness, which of course can aggravate disordered thinking on its own.

Much of psychology is still research science and has not come to any conclusions about the causes of psychiatric illnesses. Genetic research has been like a big light bulb in all of that, recently.

... And as far as I know, they have not yet found a genetic marker that identifies BPD as a genetic disorder, unlike schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, dissociative disorders, etc. They've even identified a genetic marker for a naturally positive attitude. So it is still safest to say it is primarily rooted in one's environmental background, and presumptuous to say that it is a genetic disorder when there are no identifiable genetic markers for it.

 

[Lester]

Manipulative people tend to be very self-righteous and delusional. I personally know several who each have his/her own primitive, sociopathic notions about humanity. They often cite the principles of Darwinism as an excuse for their prejudices ("Disabled people should all die because natural selection says so"), and they sincerely believe the world would be a better place if everyone were to embrace their regressive solutions and crackpot theories.

I wonder if that person uses any apple products. I've read Job's authorized biography. I believe he was in the spectrum. They talked about Wozniac and to me he also seemed that he could be on the spectrum. There has been a lot of people on the spectrum who have enriched not just this country but the world. What would this world be like if every person who might be a little different. Was to have been put down.

 

[rollerskate]

I wonder if that person uses any apple products. I've read Job's authorized biography. I believe he was in the spectrum. They talked about Wozniac and to me he also seemed that he could be on the spectrum. There has been a lot of people on the spectrum who have enriched not just this country but the world. What would this world be like if every person who might be a little different. Was to have been put down.

Apple products cannot be used to predict whether or not someone is a sociopath. Many designers and software engineers have to use them to do their jobs. There is nothing inherently sociopathic in an operating system. Though something could be said about the level of sociopathy and narcissism among the IT and designer crowds... who are most likely to use Macs because they literally need them to do their jobs in a lot of cases.

 

[Lysander]

Your mother is either mistaken or exaggerating.

In the US, an official diagnosis of autism is a barrier to joining the military, owning a gun, and obtaining a TS clearance. Unless you're trying to do one of those three things, you'll be okay.

 

[Crossbreed]

..., owning a gun,...

Only ASD3s and some ASD2s may not own a gun. It is not usually a prohibition for ASD1s. That is probably true for a [civilian] TS clearance, too. The only issues there are competency, which is determined on a case-by-case basis.