Murphy's Law, etc...

[Sherlock77]

My biggest struggle for many years, is looking around at those around me and feeling inadequate, with people I know fairly well and also people I know casually.

And I do know in my head that we all have our own path through life, it just seems that so many people I know and see, seem to have a great life while I feel like I constantly struggle, I know that if I were to delve a little deeper these other people also have struggles.

Like... One friend I know quite well, a fellow amateur photographer, I can barely afford inexpensive camera gear and just a basic economy car, he's always talking about a fancy new lens or camera he has purchased that I can't even dream about affording, plus if he wanted to nice sports cars... In his defence he's a great guy and I shouldn't hold anything against him and I don't really... He is but one example of those who are far more successful and accomplished than me...

I just feel like the infamous Murphy's Law seems to dominant in my life, when I make plans they rarely succeed in any form, and it's probably too strong of a word but I feel like a failure.

And when I see friends succeed in the art world, photography world and such, with an award or big show or big accomplishment, I will say congratulations, but while saying it there will be a pit in my stomach wondering why it wasn't me, why it's never been me, I've had a couple small accomplishments but nothing like other people I know.

Even before I thought of Asperger's I've struggled with this, I don't know if Asperger's helps to explain my feelings. Because I know other non-Aspie friends who have zero struggle with watching other people's success even when they don't have any obvious achievements.

I remember one time meeting a fellow photographer at a coffee shop, we connected on Facebook and had a good FB chat session, she had been at one time a world traveler and photojournalist as I recall, compared to my boring life (in my own mind), I stupidly made a comment about how "I was envious" of her experiences in a few more words than that, I had an immediate shut down of communication and looking back I don't blame her.

 

[mw2530]

I hear what you are saying as I feel inferior to just about everyone that I meet or know. For me, I think it is a subconscious thing b/c I don't even think about it, but my actions indicate my feelings of my inferiority. This is despite having had some pretty impressive accomplishments when I was in school and also in athletics. I now am somewhat accomplished in my career at least compared to most people my age. The big difference though is that most people have a wide range of experiences and accomplishments, while my range is quite narrow. I think the feeling of inferiority has less to do with accomplishments, but is mostly the result of lack of connection with other people. Not knowing how to relate to people is very damaging b/c we cannot EXPRESS empathy and understanding so we also don't receive the same expressions back to us. The subconscious mind is hard to change. This is how it is for me at least. But I hope you can change your feelings over time b/c we are not inferior to anyone, nor superior. We are all equals.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I constantly feel inferior to everyone around me. I feel I feel like everyone else around me is making friends with the snap of a finger. I feel like all my coworkers can do their job efficiently, while I'm lagging behind at a snail's pace. Everyone around me is either married, engaged or in a committed relationship. Everyone around me drives and has their own car. I feel like everyone around me always knows how to say things tactfully. I feel like everyone around me has common sense. I always feel like an extra wheel in so many settings I'm in. I always feel like I don't amount to anything. I always feel like I'm just so boring compared to everyone around me. They have friends, they have significant others, they have ambitions, they have cars, they have lives, they don't worry, they don't fear, they always know what to do...they all seem so superior, just miles and light-years ahead of me. I just always feel so jealous of everyone, and people wonder why I always put myself down. Everyone always tells me things like "everyone makes mistakes", but they just don't understand me fully, and the way my mind works. And to add to this, I know Murphy's Law and I believe in it as if it was a law of nature. I tend to just feel so hapless a lot of the time, while in reality knowing that I'm not as hapless as I think. I've always lacked positive attitude and I've never exhibited a healthy self-esteem. I keep wondering if I'm either heading into depression, or am already experiencing it. Every single day I find something to worry about and something to complain about...

 

[Alaska]

My biggest struggle for many years, is looking around at those around me and feeling inadequate, with people I know fairly well and also people I know casually.

And I do know in my head that we all have our own path through life, it just seems that so many people I know and see, seem to have a great life while I feel like I constantly struggle, I know that if I were to delve a little deeper these other people also have struggles.

Like... One friend I know quite well, a fellow amateur photographer, I can barely afford inexpensive camera gear and just a basic economy car, he's always talking about a fancy new lens or camera he has purchased that I can't even dream about affording, plus if he wanted to nice sports cars... In his defence he's a great guy and I shouldn't hold anything against him and I don't really... He is but one example of those who are far more successful and accomplished than me...

I just feel like the infamous Murphy's Law seems to dominant in my life, when I make plans they rarely succeed in any form, and it's probably too strong of a word but I feel like a failure.

And when I see friends succeed in the art world, photography world and such, with an award or big show or big accomplishment, I will say congratulations, but while saying it there will be a pit in my stomach wondering why it wasn't me, why it's never been me, I've had a couple small accomplishments but nothing like other people I know.

Even before I thought of Asperger's I've struggled with this, I don't know if Asperger's helps to explain my feelings. Because I know other non-Aspie friends who have zero struggle with watching other people's success even when they don't have any obvious achievements.

I remember one time meeting a fellow photographer at a coffee shop, we connected on Facebook and had a good FB chat session, she had been at one time a world traveler and photojournalist as I recall, compared to my boring life (in my own mind), I stupidly made a comment about how "I was envious" of her experiences in a few more words than that, I had an immediate shut down of communication and looking back I don't blame her.

It is awful that you can feel so bad about yourself when you are such a telented individual.

I think that you need to stop comparing yourself and your accomplishments with others. Many great and talented people have died not knowing how much their accomplishments would change the world. It is a lot more fun to have your work accepted while you are alive, but we don't all get that.

You will feel lots better once you come up with your own milestones instead of using those of other people. You will probably be amazed once you compare how you are doing now with how you were a while back.

An example of one of your potential milestones might be your photography. You had to start somewhere, when you barely knew what a camera was. Now look at what you can do!

 

[Gracey]

I wonder if looking at our own achievements, by ourselves singularly and not really talking about them with others makes for our achievement to feel quite narrow?
If we were to share them with a larger group of people and receive the compliments and have discussions about them would they somehow feel bigger?

It's only my perspective Sherlock, but I don't see how a different lens can make you a better photographer and a fancy sports car, a better person?
Yeh, out there in a somewhat shallow, materialistic world those things have meaning attached to them but not in my world. Your skill with a camera and being able to perfectly capture a moment in time would make you a great photographer. Fancy sports cars need more money throwing at them for things like insurance, fuel, maintenance, new replacement parts?

I'm willing to wager a third of the world's population presume others lead fuller more interesting lives than themselves. With the use of social media to advertise a person's successes (never faults, flaws and failures) it could be easy to be easy to believe such one sided advertising and measure our own self worth against it resulting in feeling inadequate perhaps?
I don't have one eighth of what some have but it's all I'll ever have in this moment. I can change this situation if I want to but don't feel I have to.

 

[Crossbreed]

I don't feel inferior so much as I feel handicapped. So many of the successes that the OP has described are due, in part, to successful socialization. A related saying is, "It's not what you know, but who you know...!"

I have felt the same discontent as I struggled against constant unemployment and under-employment. I am [and was] confident in the skills that I brought to the table --they were repeatedly affirmed in school settings-- I was just mystified by my consequent failure to take off in the working world. (That is, until I got my diagnosis.)

Instead of pulling down the big bucks, I have turned my skill set to efficiently managing the limited resources that I do have (with God's help).

I am encouraged by those successes.

 

[Sherlock77]

You're all right, I know it in my head but it just stays there and I don't really act on it, sometimes I do but rarely

 

[Mr Allen]

I don't bother about Murphy's law, who was Murphy anyway? I just live by the rule of Sod's law, meaning that if something's likely to go wrong, it's Sod's law that it will do

 

[Sherlock77]

I don't bother about Murphy's law, who was Murphy anyway? I just live by the rule of Sod's law, meaning that if something's likely to go wrong, it's Sod's law that it will do

Just did some basic research for the first time, never heard of Sod's Law before, plus a bunch of stuff about Murphy's Law I never knew before