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Mum of an Aspie young man

Eithne Deignan

New Member
Hi just wanted to reach out on here to anyone parent or otherwise. My son is 22 diagnosed Aspergers age 12
Some things get better some get worse as he grows up! Hoping to find some advice and support here ❤️
Particular worries are relationships long term and work prospects!
 
Welcome Eithne to autism forums. You will find support and help here, lots of threads and advice and many parents who may have had similar experiences. Also, lots of young autistic men and women here, who can explain things for you. Good luck as you learn the navigation and moving around the website ^‿^
 
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Welcome Eithne to autism forums. You will find support and help here, lots of threads and advice and many parents who may have had similar experiences. Also, lots of young autistic men and women here, who can explain things for you. Good luck as you learn the navigation and moving around the website ^‿^
Many thanks Mia!
 
Welcome!

Indeed employment is one of the more challenging areas of being on the spectrum, and hopefully you have some good resources in your area, but even if not, there's a lot of information available online as well.
 
Welcome. I am also new to the forum and have been helped already. Without wanting to sound harsh, are the worries you mention yours or your son's? You never stop being a parent but trying to ensure that you support him in what he wants to achieve, rather than what you want for him, can be a challenge.
 
Welcome to the forum, i hope you find advice and guildance to support your son.
 
Welcome!

Hope you find some answers here.

I'm 63 and my answers to your two concerns in a nutshell is that finding good employment IS
a problem. You have to look for employment that you accept and that accepts you.

Long term relationships. Never married. Never moved out of home.
Never wanted children.
I can't tell you why. Just never felt it.
I've had long term relationships, but, not the type where you live together.
At the end of the day, I went home and so did they.

My parents never tried to mold me, other people did.
 
Hi just wanted to reach out on here to anyone parent or otherwise. My son is 22 diagnosed Aspergers age 12
Some things get better some get worse as he grows up! Hoping to find some advice and support here ❤️
Particular worries are relationships long term and work prospects!

When I was a little kid, the inability to make friends was crushing. Even when people were friendly, my own pain and experiences led me to discount it. The inability to figure out what people really meant instead of the literal meaning of their words left me feeling alienated and vulnerable. I was sometimes taken advantage of because I couldn't see through deceit.

I was depressed all the time. I think it was a result of alienation and not comorbidity. The ADD was a comorbid that kept me from being able to focus unless something was really really fascinating.

Oh yeah. I was very clumsy and poor at athletics that involved precision movement and eye-hand coordination. They led to teasing and ridicule, even from PE instructors. There were sports I could have been good at like track or weightlifting and I could have been better at those I was poor at but there was no personalized attention for anyone but natural athletes. I eventually took up weight training and karate on my own to reduce my own feelings of physical vulnerability. There were plenty of bullies around.

When I got into high school I was doing fine until I was a sophmore and everything started to fall apart. I don't know why. I lost all motivation and all hope. Went from an honors student to almost not graduating overnight. First year of college was the same. It was a couple decades before I got a degree and didn't break out of bottom-tier jobs until my late 20s.

Alienation, self loathing, diffculty navigating the social scene, depression, ADD, clumsiness, failure to launch, I think I've listed all my childhood problems. Your boy is very lucky to have a parent who is aware of ASD as an issue in his life (not think of it as moral failure, like mine did) and will probably have a much better shot at success than I did. Even so, I did manage to get a good job, (eventually) marry, have kids, and find a social niche where I was accepted.

Though I will never be an extrovert or a salesman or any good in job interviews. Or fit into the standard mold of what "normal" people are supposed to be.
 
Welcome.

At the age of 40, I hadn't worked for many years. So I started volunteering at the Salvation Army. I don't regret it at all and I've met many great people who accept my eccentricities.

Maybe your son can do some volunteering. Not necessarily for the Salvos, but an organisation that he has an interest in. I wish you both well.
 
I am a parent of a 19 year old diagnosed HFA at 3. He has many wonderful qualities but I joined this group today to get the understanding from parents in the same position, of how hard it can be. I love my son but lately feel so frustrated with his limited food choices, limited socializing. It is bringing me to tears today as he senses my disappointment in him and that’s not ideal. Friends and family just don’t get this kind of life long frustration. I know I need to be more grateful for his many wonderful attributes, smart, cute, kind, but I just feel sad today. I think it’s knowing his age peers are with friends and girlfriends and he’s not. And he is afraid of rejection so he stays at home and won’t listen to my suggestions. Sorry if this seems like a dumping downer post but I know there must be parents who go through similar down periods.
 
To reply to the parent about jobs I think deliveries and computers are less heavily reliant on typical social skills, maybe those are good areas. My son did deliveries over the summer and really liked it.
If your son is okay with groups I see there are support groups for young adults on the spectrum.
 
I think that’s a great idea about volunteering. I know the food banks need help now. I delivered “Meals on Wheels” with my son for a time and that felt really great to help in that way.
 

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