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Mom of Aspie with Questions

G

GrumpyBore

New Member
UPDATE TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE RESPONDED SO FAR:
The eyeglasses are back on! Son just put them back on a few minutes ago, and is now playing on his computer! :)
Thank you everyone for your support! This is a great bunch of people, I am glad that I found this forum! :)
Hi, I am the mom of a 14yr old son with Asperger's. My husband is completely unsupportive, refuses to believe that it is anything other than him "just acting up". We have no family, no support from anyone. I live in Everett, WA and have been trying to find some local group, but have been unsuccessful.
Today, suddenly, my son decided he didn't want to wear his eyeglasses, and has been just sitting in his recliner chair doing nothing all day. While it is common for him to spend chunks of time just sitting, doing nothing, and I mean, nothing, the not wearing his eyeglasses is a new one. Asking him "why aren't you wearing your glasses? are they broken? are they hurting you?" gets no response.

I am not what you would call very computer savvy/internet savvy, so I am hoping this site is set up to email me when I get responses to this post, otherwise, not sure if I will be able to figure out how to see new postings to it.
 
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If it were me and I was doing what your son is doing it would be because I just needed some time to "recharge my emotional and physical batteries".
I take off my glasses when i need to just rest my eyes and tune out the world, except i also lay down in bed and put pillows over my ears.
I'm not an expert of course, but it sounds like what he is doing is a healthy response to being overwhelmed by life.
Just let him rest, maybe bring him something to eat and drink and see if he recharges. I think so.
P.S. sorry your husband isn't supportive.
 
thanks for the reply. I'm used to his "regular" tune out activities, but the eyeglasses thing was new, and I was just wondering. he's been doing it for about 4 hours now, and that's a long span compared to other tune out times which only last about 30 minutes or so.
it doesn't help for him that we are so cramped for space that he doesn't get his own room. his bedroom is technically the livingroom but is only used by him, however, there is no door to close himself off.
 
Remember, every time you ask him if he is ok, you add time to his recharge time. I'm just imagining you are worried and keep asking him! I don't know you, but it would be a natural thing to do.....lol.
Sorry you are worried.
Four hours doesnt sound that long to me. After a stressful day, it will take me at least a day to recover. Like meeting with my divorce attorney, that will take two days of rest. A day with my 90 year old mother...two days.
 
oh, no, I just asked the one time, in case it was a issue of the eyeglasses got broken, or they were hurting him. in truth, I mainly worry these days, because if his dad sees him, he will get angry and yell at him. I admit, I did caution him that might happen, telling my son that just once.
luckily, my husband spends 99% of his time at home shut up in his bedroom on his computer and doesn't interact with the family much. if we're lucky, my son will get through this without dad even noticing!
 
Hi GrumpyBore, and welcome :).
Maybe you could tell your son you are there if he needs you and then give him space. Or is there an activity that he generally enjoys and that relaxes him that you could suggest? (Going for a walk, etc)
Are there any Autism Societies or Networks in America that you could make contact with to try and find support for you both?
Having an unsupportive husband won't make things any easier either.
I have ASD and also have a brother with ASD - he too tunes out from the world sometimes (he is 29 though).
 
thanks for your reply, Cazelle. I have been unable to find any societies here where I am, nearest seems to be in Seattle, and I can't get down there.
my son doesn't like to go out and do anything, he prefers to stay indoors. USUALLY he will spend time on his computer, but today, with his glasses off, hasn't been doing that. but he is talking to me (making comments on hearing the landscapers outside, telling me about the annoying fly buzzing around, stuff like that), so he isn't totally shut off from me with this. it's just that he's never done the just sitting for so long, not wearing his eyeglasses. I just wondered if other Aspies did that PARTICULAR thing. I try to learn and be as supportive as I can, and give him the space that he also needs.
 
I wonder if you give him space and then afterwards ask him about what was going on for him, if he can then articulate what he was feeling/doing/needing?
 
Possibly, your son has come to understand that kids with glasses get teased, and wants to wish that away.

Your husband's behavior sounds a bit autistic too - shutting himself away, having little to do with his family - which may underlie his denial. His thoughts could be "the kid's a lot like me, and I don't have a problem."
 
GrumpyBore said:
oh, no, I just asked the one time, in case it was a issue of the eyeglasses got broken, or they were hurting him. in truth, I mainly worry these days, because if his dad sees him, he will get angry and yell at him. I admit, I did caution him that might happen, telling my son that just once.
luckily, my husband spends 99% of his time at home shut up in his bedroom on his computer and doesn't interact with the family much. if we're lucky, my son will get through this without dad even noticing!
Click to expand...
Obviously, be there for him and be willing to talk about what is bothering him without forcing the issue. Don't make the wrong response.

"Mom. I'm sad and depressed." Wrong response: "Just cheer up and be happy."
"Mom, I'm thinking of killing myself." Wrong response: "Oh, you're too young to be thinking about things like that."

The right response? I'm not sure, since I have no experience with that. Probably something like "Tell me about what is bothering you so we can work it out together and solve the problem." Obviously, I still have issues with this.
 
he never likes to explain how he is feeling, but he always knows that he CAN talk to me about it if he wants to. and it's the same with if he does a particular behavior, he never wants to explain why he did it, but I will ask him calmly if he can tell me why.
 
hi, GadAbout. hubby is an introvert. although, I have also wondered if he's Aspie....his "symptoms" (and I hate to use that word, but I have ataxia, where saying the right word is a difficulty) seem less.
with the eyeglasses, not an issue with teasing, he has always been homeschooled, he doesn't have to worry about kids bullying or teasing.
 
GrumpyBore said:
I am not what you would call very computer savvy/internet savvy, so I am hoping this site is set up to email me when I get responses to this post,...
Click to expand...
By default, I believe email notifications are activated. If it does not seem to be,
  1. Go to the top of the thread page and click on "Watch Thread." A pop-up box will let you choose email notifications.
  2. If it only has "Unwatch Thread," click on that and confirm it in the pop-up box. It will now say "Watch Thread" where it had "Unwatch Thread." Do step #1.
 
Maybe he just feels physically more comfortable with the glasses off when he needs to recharge.
I've worn glasses all my life, but, at home I only wear them when I really need too.
Like watching TV and doing housework or outdoor work. I'm nearsighted and need them to see
anything more than two feet away accurately.
But, I do get tired of feeling them on my face. It is just more comfy without them.
 
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