Mental Problems With People

[Kylah]

I'm not entirely sure if I posted this in the right forum, but...

Okay, so, like some people with autism, I have extreme social anxiety. I have difficulties making new friends, I have paranoia in terms of bullying, and I have major trust issues.

Currently, my social anxiety is getting worse, in these ways:

1. It appears that every time I make new friends, things go wrong between us. I end up feeling replaced, like a friend would rather hang out with someone else. I end up saying the wrong things and hurting our friendships. On social media, my messages constantly get ignored, and I had a few friends block me without telling me why.

2. I always feel as though I'm too attached to my friends. I have some friends that I really enjoy talking to, but according to some past experiences with over-texting, I try to give them some space. However, there are times where I have these strong urges to text them, and I have to fight the urges for the sake of maintaining my friendships. It sometimes frustrates me to the point where I just break down and cry because it hurts.

3. Romance hurts me. I get low self-esteem every time I see a couple. It makes me feel like I'm worthless, like I'm not pretty or overall-good enough to have a boyfriend. I'm especially jealous with this one couple in particular. There's this girl who's a little more shy than me, and somehow a more extrovert guy just approaches her and decides to make her his girlfriend. It hurts me because the girl is more shy than me and she managed to attract someone, but me? I can't seem to have good luck with guys at all. Well, I did manage to get a boyfriend, but I said something I shouldn't have, and our relationship ended pretty quick. Additionally, I've been dating a lot of fictional characters, but I still feel lonely with all the real-life couples around.


Because of my social anxiety, I'm becoming more and more antisocial. I'm starting to think that maybe I would be safer with imaginary friends rather than real friends. I've hurt my self over real people before, and I really don't want that to happen again...

What should I do at this point? Any tips on how I can get through this without hurting myself?

 

[WHATEVERIAM]

I feel your pain. I don't actually have any great advice to offer in this respect except to tell you that you are not alone with the frustration and confusion that comes with the social realms. Hopefully we'll both get some great advice from your post, so thank you for this. There are some truly stellar minds here, of that I am sure.

 

[watersprite]

It's good you're here. Welcome Kylah.
I've got social anxiety too, a lot of it.

I can't claim to know how to remedy it; but am devotedly working through and practicing the exercises in an excellent book. I hate anxiety but to get better through situations which trigger it I'm finding I have to stop throwing hate at it.

Do you have an aspie meetup? That can be helpful.

For a really long time I simplified the social anxiety (and my life) by eschewing romance.

I too hope some wise people post in here.

 

[hiraeth]

I can relate when it comes to trust issues. Although I'm not sure that I've thought of "social anxiety" as the best label for me.

I can't be bothered to deal with people, because of some of the types of experiences that you mention, nothing to do with the other person, but how I can't help but respond to them. I find it frustrating that in order to function in this world, I have to deal with people, and I have to make an effort to, "network" or whatever the heck. That at the end of the day, connections of the human variety is the single most effective method of obtaining new opportunities.

If that wasn't the case then I probably wouldn't pressure myself as much as I do and it would all bother me less. I could be quite comfortable alone.

 

[Judge]

What should I do at this point? Any tips on how I can get through this without hurting myself?

It's pretty difficult for anyone on the spectrum of autism to go through life without getting social "bumps and bruises". What I think is ultimately more practical is to take advantage of being self-aware of your neurology as best as is possible for you. To be able to relate to what your autistic traits and behaviors are or may be, and then to try to understand which ones you might have some control over that might be "costing you" socially speaking.

Of course in the process, you have to look out for yourself at all times. To accept your own limitations regarding what you cannot honestly control. And to understand that there are no guarantees.

And to persevere. To keep going. To get back up, brush away the dust from every fall, and wipe away your tears. Attempt in as much as is possible to become self-reliant. It may boost your self-confidence which may also reduce your social anxiety.