Meltdowns - help please

[Squirrely]

Hi. I came to this site because I'm trying to help my autistic boyfriend (he's high functioning and we've been together quite a while). I've read a few books and looked online but I can't really get anything solid on meltdowns in adults - specifically how I can do to help.

He had an awful meltdown last night. One of the worst nights of his life. And the thing is I just don't know how to help. I know he wants my help. He's asked me but he hasn't specifically told me how I could help. He told me to research but I'm not really coming up with anything. His best friend knows how to help but I'm not sure if it's intrusive to ask his friend for help - we're not that close.

Basically I was just wondering if there was anyone either in the same situation as me, trying to help the one you love or whether you can help me get a sense of what you'd like in that situation. He doesn't want to be left alone, that much I know and he needs me to reassure him that everything between us is okay and I still love him... But other than that I honestly don't know what to do and I just need some advice please.

 

[arcan]

I'm in the reversed situation. My boyfriend is NT, I'm the aspie. He helps me a lot just by being there, letting me be alone when I want to, letting me have my obsessions (to a certain extent), listening to my rants when I do that, and basically just treating me like a "normal" person. That's how he helps me most: allowing me to be myself, not having to "act normal" when I'm with him.
For instance, when I come back from work, from 5pm to about 7pm, he's on his computer on the diningroom table. I'm on mine in the same room but on the sofa. If I want to talk, (or he), we talk, otherwise, he's "just there". Whenever I need physical contact, I just open my arms and he always comes. He never forces me to.
It might sound like nothing, but since I'm with him, I feel much better than I have in years.

 

[Tom]

Tell him to research growing up. I am not saying he won't still have meltdowns. But he can learn to manage them intelligently.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

Hi. I came to this site because I'm trying to help my autistic boyfriend (he's high functioning and we've been together quite a while). I've read a few books and looked online but I can't really get anything solid on meltdowns in adults - specifically how I can do to help.

He had an awful meltdown last night. One of the worst nights of his life. And the thing is I just don't know how to help. I know he wants my help. He's asked me but he hasn't specifically told me how I could help. He told me to research but I'm not really coming up with anything. His best friend knows how to help but I'm not sure if it's intrusive to ask his friend for help - we're not that close.

Basically I was just wondering if there was anyone either in the same situation as me, trying to help the one you love or whether you can help me get a sense of what you'd like in that situation. He doesn't want to be left alone, that much I know and he needs me to reassure him that everything between us is okay and I still love him... But other than that I honestly don't know what to do and I just need some advice please.

The first thing i do is calm sensory load. soft music lights clothes etc,,, take bath with lavender oil, try qi gong video on you tube, Make your place like an oasis.

 

[tree]

Squirrely

It could be useful to focus on what prompted the
'meltdown.' A 'meltdown' is a reaction to something.

Using words that describe what happened is useful.
"Anger," "fear," "rage," "confusion," "overwhelmed
(by too many things happening at once.../what things)
etc.

The fellow didn't actually just...melt into a puddle.
He is a person, responding to some quantity of
stimulation. See if he is able to identify the various
aspects of what caused the 'meltdown.'

I am focusing on what I believe is a wish you have
in preventing/alleviating/reducing the severity of
future 'meltdowns.'

 

[Warmheart]

Squirrely, I'm glad you came here for help. Try these things:
Gently tell your sweetheart that you love him. Then,
provide quiet (stop talking) Smiles are good.
Lower demands (No questions, prompting, requests, suggestions, invitations, etc.).
Give space. (So he can heal, recover, and rebound)

Be patient. Your patience and breathing through this will show that you respect the challenges of his neurology, and his need for space, quiet, lowered demands in order to bounce back. Actually, if you understand this, you're one amazing mate! Already you are helping him, by coming here and seeking solutions to help him recover. You are wonderful!

 

[RockstarRaccoon]

The important thing is communication here. Sometimes autistic people want to be hugged in a blanket when they are overwhelmed, sometimes they don't want to be touched at all, sometimes they need to be left alone in a bare room to calm down.

He's asked me but he hasn't specifically told me how I could help. He told me to research but I'm not really coming up with anything. His best friend knows how to help but I'm not sure if it's intrusive to ask his friend for help - we're not that close.

Ask the friend. He can always say no. Honestly though, what would be the worst scenario of asking other than him saying no? If he knows how to help, he should feel comfortable telling his friend's girlfriend.

He doesn't want to be left alone, that much I know and he needs me to reassure him that everything between us is okay and I still love him...

Have you tried telling him this directly?