meeting someone in-person you spoke with online only prior

[paloftoon]

I recognized 2, maybe 3 people from seeing their pictures online, in a Billiards league I signed up for very recently. (I don't get the sense their profiles were faked, per se. These are all people I attempted to date too.) Since I wasn't on a team, I had to be part of the free agent pool. The organization ended up making the free agents into one team, and I was put on a team with someone I attempted to date. We definitely recognized each other and I tried to avoid him. He did talk to me a few times, but I felt uncomfortable and tried respond minimally.

It bothered me cause we showed some interest in each other off two different apps, and then he just "randomly" ghosted me, and I'm not sure why. It wouldn't matter why except that I have to deal with him now in-person. I felt it was pretentious of him and it made me uncomfortable, and I guess this is how I move on. I don't want contact with a person that wouldn't give me a chance in-person before because he thinks other people are more interesting at some whim of his apparently. There was no pressure to do anything physical, but it was definitely an option.

It's a turn off for me and shows a lack of communication and trust minimally despite the fact that I think he seems like kinda a "good person" otherwise. . .I would be more open to contact where he talks about these things 1-1 with me openly in-person, but there's no context and no interest on his part for that to happen. They pair up people in the league too if it's possible to pair up people. So, if I "have to" be paired up with him, I would actually ask for the pairing to be changed or let my team members know that I don't want to paired with that person. I am prepared to leave the day or the team if I have to.

I know the uncomfortableness shows.

 

[Bolletje]

Why do you think it makes you so uncomfortable?

 

[shysnail]

Wow, that is a bit of an uncomfortable situation. It sounds like it should be this guy feeling uncomfortable though. He's the one that ghosted you, but has now come face-to-face with you. I think a lot of people who have been ghosted before would envy you the ability to make things awkward for him

 

[Pats]

That would be awkward. And I agree with @shysnail that he's the one who should be feeling uncomfortable. Although I'm like you and would be uncomfortable, too. I think it's because we just don't know how to handle situations. Don't quit something you want to be part of, though, just because of one person. Just go on as if you don't care either way so he don't think he had that much of an effect on you.

 

[paloftoon]

I'm so busy I don't care 100% if I have to stop being part of the league. If they pair me up with him, I'm going to ask them to change partners because I feel that out of place with him. I don't like to be that guy that purposely tries to make things awkward either. It's just not me, and I don't feel it's right to purposely try to do that.

It's annoying that this guy is attractive to me. But it's less annoying because there's another guy outside of the league that I just met, and I think he is more attractive and we are very attracted to each other.

 

[techteach]

So, it looks like you're gay? Maybe he isn't out yet? Got some people (dad or something) that he is afraid of? Maybe he isn't sure? Don't know and if I am getting the situation wrong, please forgive. But some people still make it hard for anyone different than themselves. I think they are afraid of gay people and that is why some of them say the things they do.

 

[techteach]

Sorry, guess what I am trying to say is Maybe he's afraid to be himself in this group? Or around others?

 

[tlc]

I've been talking to people online and meeting them later for over 20 years. One thing I've learned, even when you think you know them well, or might be attracted/unattracted to them, it all changes when you meet them. There used to be a local chatroom for northern Michigan and they would arrange meetups every month, proabbly 20-30 people would show up. I went to a few and it was not much different than going to a random party and not knowing anybody, even though I talked to them everyday prior online. And datingwise, there are people I thought I had total chemistry with and upon meeting them, it just felt dead. Or people I figured I'd only want to be friends with, but upon meeting them was totally attracted to and wanted more.

 

[tducey]

Always good to be with someone when you meet someone new just in case. Hope as you meet new people you get comfortable with them so that there doesn't have to be that other person there at all times.

 

[paloftoon]

So, it looks like you're gay? Maybe he isn't out yet? Got some people (dad or something) that he is afraid of? Maybe he isn't sure? Don't know and if I am getting the situation wrong, please forgive. But some people still make it hard for anyone different than themselves. I think they are afraid of gay people and that is why some of them say the things they do.

Good thought. I don't that sense seeing him in-person at all.
Just the fact that he was willing to join a league which is primarily lgbt focused, though open to all, tells me that he isn't so closeted. And yes, I'm gay.

 

[paloftoon]

Wow, that is a bit of an uncomfortable situation. It sounds like it should be this guy feeling uncomfortable though. He's the one that ghosted you, but has now come face-to-face with you. I think a lot of people who have been ghosted before would envy you the ability to make things awkward for him

I suspect he's uncomfortable too, because he didn't go up and try to speak to me either. I just made it more obvious I was trying to avoid his contact specifically, but other people might not recognize that immediately since they don't know what happened. If I am paired up with him though, I will ask for the pairs to be changed or just leave to make my point. As much as I like biliards, I also like my sleep too!