Me and Anna

[theaspiebirder]

Okay. So, last school year, in 4th grade, I was best friends with this girl named Anna, and we talked every day. Now, in 5th grade, there is something like a rift between us. At the beginning of the school year, I didn't talk to her about stuff she liked. She got bored, and that's when things started to go downhill. Today, she virtually ignores me, and purposely avoids me. Remember how we were best friends? Now we can barely communicate. I'm obsessed with her. Any suggestions?

 

[Audra]

Hi aspiebirder. You didn't state whether she is AS or NT and you didn't say whether she knows you are AS or not.

First let me say I am an NT woman an I admire that you have self evaluated and have seen there is an issue and are willing to try and help fix it.

With that said I will go with she is not an AS and you have either not told her you are AS or explained to her what that means exactly.

.

If you two are still speaking I would let her know if you haven't already that you are AS and what that means. Tell her that you are interested in what she likes, her interests, and what her feelings are but sometimes you just dont know how to ask her or bring it up. Most NT girls will say Oh I didn't know that and all you have to do is say is what happened with you today or how are you feeling? Then you could say it would really help you if she would tell you herself even if you dont ask her. Explain that is not that you do not care you just dont know how to ask her. If she is a nice girl she will just say ok an do it. But you also have to try and remember to ask to. So put a sticky note on your computer, a notebook, or a note in your locker anywhere you can to remind you to ask her how she is doing if it does not come natural to you.

Most NT girls want you to ask about how they are doing, what they like, what they dont like, and what interests them. If you are willing to try and learn how to do this it will help you out greatly in the future with all relationships with girls. You may not need this because you are AS but an NT girl does. So this would be a good time to learn the skills you would need for liking girls in the future.

I can only speak for me but I would like if a boy said to me what you said above and told me that truth (that last year it seemed like you were best friends and now you are not and you were wondering if there is anyway you could talk more and be better friends)

If you are comfortable tell her you are interested in hearing about the things she likes but you have a hard time asking her sometimes. Tell her that it would help you out alot if she helped you by starting the conversation first. Tell her you like it when she she tells you how her day was or how she is feeling.

When she is talking it is always good to acknowledge what she is saying and let her know you heard her. You can say something like yes, ok, I hear you, or even nod your head.

The only way to get close to someone is be open and honest and share your feelings. I know because I am NT and my bf is AS that he and I dont always have the same interests but he cares enough about me to listen to me and try to understand.

My bf is AS and it makes me care about him more because it does not come naturally to him wither but he tries very hard. It makes me care about him more that he tries so hard to make me happy.

Just remember though if you tell her about you and she is not accepting, not nice, or understanding then she is not the right girl for you. I know it will hurt alot but you need to know there are nice girls that care about other people and will care about you. They realize all of us are different in some way.
Never her let her humiliate you, make fun of you, or hurt you intentionally.

Trust me when I say there are many girls out there that would love and feel very lucky to have you. If I have answered incorrectly because I dont have all the information please feel free to write again or send me a message. Good luck

 

[theaspiebirder]

As far as I know, she isn't Neurotypical and doesn't have AS. She knows I am an Aspie. Also, as an afterthought, she says she has had 5+ family members pass away in less than 2 years, which obviously complicates things. :unsure:

 

[theaspiebirder]

I talked to her today, and she said "I'm not going to deal with this today." I was like, "Well, you'll have to eventually, so you might as well just do it now."

 

[Aalo]

I'm sorry to hear that yo feel you've been left alone. Maybe she has found new friends or new things to like. It's never that nice, but this some times happens in life. If you give people time they might come back or give a reason when they'll feel like it, bt it's never certain. Pushing and obsessing over them might feel so bad they might want to start avoiding you more.

I was like, "Well, you'll have to eventually, so you might as well just do it now."

Here, I believe, you are bit too straightforward. She doesn't have to, because she doesn't owe you anything never mind how close you two have been. Yes, it can sound bit unfair. You can ask and hope her to be considerate, and it'd be great if the was, but really you can't make anyone do that against their will. If old friends won't come back, it might be time to try to search new ones.
I wish you luck what ever happens.

 

[Audra]

I am so sorry that this is how she chose to respond to you. It was not kind. Unfortunately I agree with Aalo that you cannot make someone do something they do not want to do. If for whatever reason she has moved on then you have choice to move on as well. One thing I have learned over the years is to not take things people say and do personally. People make decisions based upon what is going on in their lives. So it may be better to try and go on and try to make new friends and let her know that you would like to discuss things at some point when she has time. For me I would not want to be friends with someone who could not make time for me or is not willing to discuss our situation. I wish you the best and know you can find a girl that is much nicer and kind