Voltaic
Darth Binks is real.
This might be a touchy subject, so I want to set some guidelines for this thread that we can loosely follow. I kind of just want to hear your experience with it. Specifics or general experience is welcome, leave the politics aside. How was your general reaction and effect? Does it increase anxiety, and if so, how much?
My experience is it had a major role in creating my social anxiety.
There are two types of highs that I can get; good ones when I'm alone, and bad ones when I am with people.
When I am alone, I am blissful and a bit unhinged, but not in a bad way. I am all over the place, I can't really focus for an extended period because I get carried away with my own thinking and ideas, almost loosing awareness, giving that kind of blank look not actually focusing on what I am looking at. Special interests become next level. I shake sometimes over a good documentary. I talk to myself a lot more, often rambling and just saying stuff to make noice, and fidget. Overall it is a good experience.
The bad ones are when I am with people. If I'm with a group of three or more, it isn't to bad as they can talk to each other while I sit quietly. When it is just me and someone else, I am just more aware of all the social intricacies that take place, stuff like tone of voice, choice of words, and subjects. Of course I am aware of them after I talk, so I get to huge myself after I make mistakes. I became a lot more aware of what I am like to other people. I thought I wasn't to bad at the whole talking thing before, but after I started smoking, I was made conscious of a lot of areas that need work. Because my brain is the way it is, that also means social anxiety.
I was stupid. I kept putting myself in situations where it was likely I was going to freak out, but I kept doing them, because maybe I can have as much fun as everyone else. The anxiety became more and more sever, and now it is a bit worse than being worried about a few social disabilities. I get very anxious, I get very touchy, paranoid, and cynical. Just an all round bad experience.
These days, I only smoke alone. I mostly do it when i am doing something else, like taking my dog on a walk, or biking or skiing. I enjoy the activities without them, but they just add extra enjoyment.
My experience is it had a major role in creating my social anxiety.
There are two types of highs that I can get; good ones when I'm alone, and bad ones when I am with people.
When I am alone, I am blissful and a bit unhinged, but not in a bad way. I am all over the place, I can't really focus for an extended period because I get carried away with my own thinking and ideas, almost loosing awareness, giving that kind of blank look not actually focusing on what I am looking at. Special interests become next level. I shake sometimes over a good documentary. I talk to myself a lot more, often rambling and just saying stuff to make noice, and fidget. Overall it is a good experience.
The bad ones are when I am with people. If I'm with a group of three or more, it isn't to bad as they can talk to each other while I sit quietly. When it is just me and someone else, I am just more aware of all the social intricacies that take place, stuff like tone of voice, choice of words, and subjects. Of course I am aware of them after I talk, so I get to huge myself after I make mistakes. I became a lot more aware of what I am like to other people. I thought I wasn't to bad at the whole talking thing before, but after I started smoking, I was made conscious of a lot of areas that need work. Because my brain is the way it is, that also means social anxiety.
I was stupid. I kept putting myself in situations where it was likely I was going to freak out, but I kept doing them, because maybe I can have as much fun as everyone else. The anxiety became more and more sever, and now it is a bit worse than being worried about a few social disabilities. I get very anxious, I get very touchy, paranoid, and cynical. Just an all round bad experience.
These days, I only smoke alone. I mostly do it when i am doing something else, like taking my dog on a walk, or biking or skiing. I enjoy the activities without them, but they just add extra enjoyment.
