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Manners/being polite

Callistemon

Part-Time Space Alien
V.I.P Member
@StrayCat, I think it's important to care about people, and to find ways of expressing that so they understand it. This is a general issue for everyone, not just NT versus ND, or cultural differences etc. But because we aren't all the same, we have to learn the "languages" of other people to be able to do that effectively.

Also yes, some people don't care, or they purposely manipulate. But that doesn't change what I want to do, in general (although I prefer not to associate with people who mistreat others routinely, and I will call it out after a certain point). I am responsible for my own behaviour, not other people's, and the fact that there's a lot of insincerity and venom on the planet shouldn't negatively affect my own way of being in the world, or cause me to conduct myself less positively than what I am capable of. Otherwise it all becomes a race to the bottom.

People notice kindness and sincerity. I certainly do, and I see that as an antidote to unkindness and fakery, which are creating a lot of pain and harm in this world. When the world is dark, the last thing we should do is turn off our own light. Otherwise we become part of the darkness.
 

Darkkin

Lioness of Spoons
V.I.P Member
I tend to be very polite as a rule, mostly due to social conditioning and masking. If you're polite no one looks twice at you and you can fade into the wallpaper. As an extreme introvert peopling is hard for me outside of hyperspecific situations like work, (it's book-centric, so it's a topic I love and have no trouble talking about).

Being quiet, still, and standoffish is my default. I don't make waves, no one sees me, but I made an appearance and fulfilled the obligation.
 

Streetwise

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I tend to be very polite as a rule, mostly due to social conditioning and masking. If you're polite no one looks twice at you and you can fade into the wallpaper. As an extreme introvert peopling is hard for me outside of hyperspecific situations like work, (it's book-centric, so it's a topic I love and have no trouble talking about).

Being quiet, still, and standoffish is my default. I don't make waves, no one sees me, but I made an appearance and fulfilled the obligation.
Love the irony a certain percentage of humans and manners \politeness then getting into the self righteous area and then cliques
 

Captain Jigglypuff

Leader of the Jigglypuff Army
V.I.P Member
Most of the time people think I’m being impolite or rude think I’m doing it on purpose until I explain that it was unintentional and I didn’t realize that I seemed to be rude because the Asperger’s symptoms were getting in th3 way and made me oblivious to the situation.
 

Slim Jim

has glasses,shirt,hair, just need jim charisma now
I struggle to view what is normally just considered good manners as anything other than manipulative. I can say please and thankyou without this feeling but once I start faking what I'm really feeling or what my thoughts are in order to keep someone happy and make a situation go my way I feel like I am manipulating the person. I am aware that other people don't consider this manipulation but I am often aware that someone is only doing what I want simply because I buttered them up correctly before I asked the favour or whatever and it makes me feel guilty as though I have my honest thing I want to say and then I'm adding a fictional narrative of feelings that don't exist around it which makes my thing be accepted where it wouldn't have by itself.

YES. THIS!

I can Be polite, as a conscious decision, but if feels phony sometimes. It all depends on context. Personality types I'm around. I am a very matter of fact, individualistic person, to the point I can simply ignore, step over, and disregard any sense of manners, decorum, and all that.
 

Darkkin

Lioness of Spoons
V.I.P Member
Sometimes my face will occasionally say things out loud, when I don't want it to.

e.g. The guy who keeps repeating something over and over when you heard them the first time and are just waiting to double check the information. And they still keep talking at you...treating you like you have the mental acuity of wet cement.

I can't stand blithering. Don't make a simple request: I'm looking for item X. (Do) Into I need to see if you have item X in stock, like on the shelf because I heard F on TV this morning and the internet says you have it there. Where is it? (Don't.)
 
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Calrid

Member
YES. THIS!

I can Be polite, as a conscious decision, but if feels phony sometimes. It all depends on context. Personality types I'm around. I am a very matter of fact, individualistic person, to the point I can simply ignore, step over, and disregard any sense of manners, decorum, and all that.

I think we all do that, and I think it's hard to do manners because we are too honest sometimes. Earlier I had a load of food turn up at my house that I didn't order that was sent to my address. I think I genuinely scared the delivery guy by being completly honest- in that it was not mine, probably didn't show the correct manners. But sometimes what are you supposed to do? The important thing I think is to try and be nice, and give it a shot. At the end of the day you can't unmagic situations you had no control over, and you find it hard enough to deal with situations you did create. But such situations do tend to replay in your mind, could I have done it better. Well we can always do better. The improtant thing is to be somewhat forgiving of yourself, you are who you are.
 

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