Major Anxiety & Depression

[Robby]

I'm really going through a rough time right now. I'm snowed in, no way to get out, and doesn't look like the weather is breaking anytime soon. Nothing ever seems to work out for me. I was supposed to go this week and take diagnostic tests to see if I do in fact have autism but they were cancelled due to weather. I was also supposed to go for an appointment at the vocational rehab place but that was cancelled too. Just when I thought I was finally going to get somewhere everything stops. It's going to be -15 degrees here and there's a foot of snow on the ground and I'm totally snowed in & don't even have much left in the fridge to eat. I'm just really mad and depressed. I have no job, and no prospects. I feel that I need weekly therapy but everytime I try to schedule it they tell me they're booked out several weeks. What good is therapy if I can't see someone regularly and learn coping and life skills? And plus, the therapists I've seen don't really seem to care they just sit there and fake smile & pretend to care. I have no friends because of my being isolated and my total lack of social skills and ability to find a job. I have severe social anxiety. I am supposed to be on Lexapro but I have a fear of psychiatric meds so I haven't taken it.

So before I end my rant, can anyone offer me some advice? And please don't judge me either. I just want to be a normal person and work but again because I can't seem to get the therapy & coping skills I need to figure out how to deal with my many triggers like light and sound sensitivity, and fear of being bullied because I'm gay, I can't even begin to feel I'm ready to find and hold down a job. I'm just pretty hopeless right now. Sorry for the rant but I really need some suggestions.

 

[Warmheart]

Yikes, what a rough week you are having! You are doing a great job in coming here to post. I haven't any advice, but my impression is this: The weather has put some important things off, but these appointments can be re-made! How impressive that you had the courage and strength to make these appointments to begin with. A bump or two in the road will not stop you! Re-making these appointments are great strides toward you finding yourself understood and empowered.

My compassion for your suffering. May your appointments being re-made give you hope and optimism. I'm sending you a virtual (((Hug))).

 

[Robby]

Thanks for the comment. It can't get much worse so I guess it has to get better. I feel your response to mine really cared. I'm sorry but I still don't have any hope much. I have no idea how to get out of this, I have no job, no prospects, and am openly gay and don't feel most people care or understand me.

 

[Tia Maria]

Robby, As a practical matter, if you have been prescribed Lexapro by a medical doctor, & especially if you are not taking any other medication, I would advise you to take it but only exactly as prescribed. You mention being low on food & snowed in I hate to read that & know how you feel. I had to make a few pre-snow grocery runs this winter or would have been in the same situation!

You will want to be eating properly, well rested & hydrated (as Warmheart so often recommends!! ) in general & when you're starting or taking any medication. I completely understand your fear & hesitation over taking psychiatric meds. I once felt the exact same way. But I realized, that emotional pain & impaired thinking (affected by emotions) is similar to having diabetes or a broken arm. We need to treat ourself holistically - by following good health practices - & when needed with medication &/or treatment. If a medical doctor prescribed Lexapro for you, it is likely your brain chemistry is 'off' & you really should work with your doctor to find the right medication & proper dosage to help find a better balance for your brain chemistry. This may not be a life long need, but it may well be something you need to do now as a start. Just think about it. And try to make sure you are doing all the other little things you can do to take care of yourself.

 

[Warmheart]

Robby yes, I really do care about you! You are very perceptive. I want you to feel well. I know how it feels to hurt so deeply. You are wise to have lined up some supports for yourself, and hopefully, you will feel much better soon. I continue to send you good thoughts for today.

 

[Robby]

Thanks for the response but at this point I'm just numb to everything I am constantly promised stuff by people but they don't ever help me out when I need it i've been snowed in for days and nobody cares and therapists just feed me packaged ******** they don't care either. I'm sure they cackle and have a big laugh about me behind my back when I leave. Most people do. The people in the front office at the mental health clinic were making fun of me last week I heard and saw them. So it's everyone. I'm sorry but I can't help the way I look excuse me. This is why I like animals at least they don't backstab or lie to you. You know what sometimes just a simple non judgmental hug would help but even that isn't enough now. I'm such a loser I have no job no prospects for one and nothing of my own and no life skills. And I'm gay but even gay people don't like me.

 

[Angel123]

Hi Robby

I am so upset to hear how you are being affected atm. By way of introduction, I am a psychologist by trade, but really it's only my profession because it lets me care and help people who are having a hard time.
I think it's fantastic that you saw a doctor and made some appointments to get help. That takes a lot of courage. And I hope you see that the responses you have got so far from members of the community are also a support for you, I hope you feel heard in this hard place you find yourself in.
I'm based in Australia, so I have no idea how bad the snow can get but I certainly don't think it would help how you are feeling atm either.

The message I would like to give you is this:
How you are feeling now is ok. It is affecting you in a very real way, but please know that it is not permanent, that it will pass.
You have done a courageous thing reaching out on this forum, keep doing that as I'm sure everyone here is happy to be a little support for you.
Also, do consider remaking your appointments with your health professional. Talking with someone who is trained in understanding roughly how this is affecting you will help, and they will also be able to help you put some strategies in place to help you feel better. IThis will be hard and challenging, but I promise you it will be worth it.

I hope you find some light in your life soon. Don't be a stranger on here.