Looks Vs Personality

[The Penguin]

Lots of people can get attracted to a person based on someone looks. But I consider personality more important than looks. Though not everyone agrees with me, I'm expressing what interest me when I look for someone.

I see one of the biggest problem with media that they want to portray an image on how a person should look. From here, people will spend all this money to have an image of what media sets. I not sure if I ever recall media talks about accepting a person for their personality? Part of the reason why they don't is they don't make money this way. The only make money selling products which is why they main focus is appearances.

There can be a problem focusing on appearances. Later on you learn the relationship is not working because you don't like the personality of the person you are dating. This is why I consider personality more important. Though there is some people don't care about personality. There are some like to show off that they are dating someone very beautiful. For that example, I consider that very pathetic.

I will admit for me appearance is one feature can attract me to someone, but personality is just important. Also, for my standards for someone with appearance is not set to Hollywood standards that other people might want to follow. I can see beauty in most people and to be honest, I prefer people without makeup. I have dated people without makeup. This one person I dated when she decided to put on makeup for an event, I didn't like it at all. Makeup is only a temporary solution and I prefer the no makeup idea so I know how she natural looks like including seeing her in the morning when I wake up with her in bed.

I'm not here to change someone views on what attracts them having a mate for their lives. I'm more interested in hearing what people want to say after reading this.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I've always preferred personality in the long run. What really catches my attention is intelligence and sense of humour, and from there I start checking out the rest of the person. I won't deny it, I like to have somebody cute, but it's based on how attractive I find them rather than some silly magazine. If they have a rotten personality, it doesn't take long before I find them really ugly. And equally, if they have a great personality, I start to find them more attractive.
I prefer casual and natural, but the artist in me also likes to see some creativity, like some of the really intricate braids.

 

[Andrew206]

For me, looks matter, but personality is far more important.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

They sure can't be butt ugly. Something has to catch my eye and get my attention (usually eyes - I still can't get over Aspies not liking eye contact - or smile). Once I'm taken in by something, then their sense of humor and intelligence definitely matters. Even if they have ALL of those wonderful qualities, I still have to get out "The List". If I can't check everything off on "The List", then they can be just the most drop dead, gorgeous, funny, smart guy in the whole wide world, but it will still be a no-go.

("THE LIST" - 1. Not more than one divorce, 2. No kids, 3. A decent job, 4. No smoking, no drugs, no alcoholic.)

 

[Vanilla]

I'm a very strong believer in judging people on who they are, and not who they appear to be. I find that once you start to get to know a person for who they are inside, how they look on the outside seems to match their personality, in my mind anyway. Sometimes a beautiful person can suddenly appear very ugly, and sometimes a person you would never look twice at, can surprise you, and suddenly become the most beautiful person you've ever seen.

Of course, people can be a bit funny when judging a person on their appearances. There are times when a person's personality is pre-determined in the minds of others, based on their looks. I myself am one who is very frequently misunderstood this way. Just the other week, I was invited to hang out with a few people from my class. One of them (who had the best intentions, so no hard feelings) was interested in comic books. I advised him that while I appreciated the artwork, I never went for the stories; and I explained that this was more than likely because I was not their target audience. He then suggested a comic book I would "definitely love", as it was a love story. While I have nothing against romantic story lines, they're not really a genre I go out of my way to read, or watch in movies.

On another occasion, I've had someone tell me I looked like a "church-goer" (nothing against church, but I don't go). It's odd how people, who don't really know you, can decide what you like, what your belief systems are, how you behave, and what you want from life; all by how you appear on the surface.

 

[King_Oni]

Hoo boy... perhaps the bane of my existence, lol (well, one of them).

I've tried a few different routes with dating; I've dated women who looked good, but in the end seemed to have a ****** personality and I've dated women who didn't really look like the first prize, but had a nicer personality. And honestly, none of them worked.

I agree that personality seems to withstand the test of time a bit better. But if someone doesn't look right for me, I'm not sure if I'm interested in being with someone in the long run. Unless this person just wants to be around for conversations; which makes me wonder why even bother to have an (intimate) relationship. If I'm just going on the notion of appearance, I can just as well have a chat with male friends; I'm not physically attracted to them either!

For me though, looks are the tricky part. While there are surely a few women in media of which I think that they look great, and probably wouldn't mind getting some so to speak, my preference in style and aesthetic seems to differ from the norm. It's that point where you don't care how the next top model looks, but prefer a heavily tattooed woman with a green mohawk.. or something like that (not saying I do like this; well, maybe I do, except for the green mohawk, I like red more).

Though perhaps looks should reflect personality. However, looking around in more alternative scenes, a lot of people just look like that, because they like it. The moment someone like me tells them what he's like, it is often met with "nah... I just like this style of dress, but I have little to no affiliation with the actual lifestyle"

I've been told by people that they have notion X and Y of me; sometimes I hear this from friends, that someone thinks I'm someone who enjoys X, Y and Z. It seems that a lot of people who just judge me on my looks, actually have an idea that to them seems "extreme", yet I've had friends laugh it off and tell them "no... you're describing a mild version of him, and that is totally not him." To take a popculture reference; my dial actually goes up to 11, most of the time... people's idea of of me is a 4 at best. Though that said, it's not like I can't dial it down a bit; heck, I do this on this forum even (even if it's a lot of effort)

The debate on make-up is quite simple for me; I like make-up in all it's extremities, but if you don't look at least somewhat fine without it, it makes it a lot harder. I like natural beauty as much as the next one, but I really don't mind it if people enhance it (and I guess one can take this is really broad direction; hair dye or even tattoos or piercings can be considered make up in that they enhance someones appearance). Lastly; don't make it look like you got assaulted by a box of crayola's. Color is fine, even in your face, but I guess there's a time and place to cake up and look like a clown.

That list is interesting nurseangela and I think that it's quite fair. It might not be my type of list, but I doubt everyone has the same type of criteria in this. Yet, even now, looking around a bit since I'm single again, I find that even the simplest criteria are hard to enforce. At my age I run into an infinite stream of single moms, and that's only the tip of the iceberg... oh well.

 

[SyAn]

I definitely go for personality, needs to be intelligent enough to understand me at least sometimes - I don't want to be unreasonable as I am not only Aspie but female, and we all know that nobody understands us

And a good listener, even if its just pretending as I don't always notice (heck, rarely) the difference

Hey, come to think of it, this place is great, people "get it", and they listen, might just as well settle here

 

[Harrison]

I go for inelligence and personality, someone who can 'follow' my train of thought if it meanders (which it often does) between subjects. I enjoy people who can laugh at life, find joy in small things, wonder in all things, I love women who are 'edgy'. The few aspie females I have known, I have adored, albeit not a good thing in the long run as I lost myself in them.

 

[Peace]

As it is impossible to know about someone when you meet them, physical attraction plays a role as an initial indicator of interest, as does sound and smell. As you progress, other factors come into play. The sum of the whole determines the outcome.

 

[Peace]

They sure can't be butt ugly. Something has to catch my eye and get my attention (usually eyes - I still can't get over Aspies not liking eye contact - or smile). Once I'm taken in by something, then their sense of humor and intelligence definitely matters. Even if they have ALL of those wonderful qualities, I still have to get out "The List". If I can't check everything off on "The List", then they can be just the most drop dead, gorgeous, funny, smart guy in the whole wide world, but it will still be a no-go.

("THE LIST" - 1. Not more than one divorce, 2. No kids, 3. A decent job, 4. No smoking, no drugs, no alcoholic.)

I am an eye contact and a smile person all the way.

 

[Vanilla]

I am an eye contact and a smile person all the way.

I used to struggle with eye contact, but since trying to work on this, I seem to have developed the opposite issue, and have been guilty of staring too much, though I'm better these days...I think...

 

[Randomperson]

As Ron White says in his cheesy blue collar act "You can't fix stupid".

 

[The Penguin]

As Ron White says in his cheesy blue collar act "You can't fix stupid".

I don't get it?

 

[Randomperson]

You can change your looks with style and makeup and surgical operations, but you can not change the brain out.

 

[May Black]

It really depends on what I'm after. I can find myself attracted to men based solely on looks, but then they have to be extremely good looking, I think I've seen maybe two or three this year so far. I could see myself having sex with them as long as they didn't speak. I fear they'd say something stupid and ruin the perfect picture.

To date a man, he definitely needs to be intelligent and entertaining. I can forgive a lot for brains, though I do have certain standards visually obviously. I especially like nice, masculine jaw lines and flat or shaped belly. I think I prefer skinny over extremely muscular. I've found that the more I like someone the more physically appealing they will appear to me.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

It really depends on what I'm after. I can find myself attracted to men based solely on looks, but then they have to be extremely good looking, I think I've seen maybe two or three this year so far. I could see myself having sex with them as long as they didn't speak. I fear they'd say something stupid and ruin the perfect picture.

To date a man, he definitely needs to be intelligent and entertaining. I can forgive a lot for brains, though I do have certain standards visually obviously. I especially like nice, masculine jaw lines and flat or shaped belly. I think I prefer skinny over extremely muscular. I've found that the more I like someone the more physically appealing they will appear to me.

That is hilarious!!!! (As long as they didn't speak) I'm still laughing!

 

[bentHnau]

I still can't get over Aspies not liking eye contact

Well, if you ever ran into someone like me, and dated that person, you would get your eye contact (albeit perhaps less than you liked or were accustomed to) because I consider eye contact to be a form of intimacy and reserve it for loved ones.

I find that once you start to get to know a person for who they are inside, how they look on the outside seems to match their personality, in my mind anyway.

Similar for me. Personality effects the way a person looks to me.

As it is impossible to know about someone when you meet them, physical attraction plays a role as an initial indicator of interest, as does sound and smell.

I always ignore physical attraction to strangers, and at this point I do it rather automatically because I'm so aware of the possible mismatch between looks and personality. It's like a braking system. I have personality components that are so overwhelmingly important to me, and have learned so much about the ugliness other people can hide inside their heads, that it is a complete waste of time to even bother about physical attraction. The mere possibility of being physically attracted to someone who has an undesirable personality turns me off of physical attraction.

 

[Peace]

bentHnau, I was speaking in terms for most people, not you in particular. Are you also saying that you do not experience physical attraction, or that you can meet someone who you have no attraction to, but date them anyways?

 

[bentHnau]

bentHnau, I was speaking in terms for most people, not you in particular.

I know, but I was clumsy about trying to build my comment to the OP off of your comment rather than replying directly to you

Are you also saying that you do not experience physical attraction, or that you can meet someone who you have no attraction to, but date them anyways?

.

I experience very little physical attraction to people in general, definitely not enough to motivate me to approach a stranger, which I would not do even if I found everyone to be drop dead gorgeous because I know that it would be overwhelmingly unlikely to work out for either of us. I have a couple of very specific qualities that are mandatory, and initiating dating based on looks would be a terribly inefficient way to find those qualities.

And yes, I would happily date someone to whom I felt no initial physical attraction if that person had those qualities.

 

[Alex Bogue]

I'm after personality. Looks are just a plus.