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Looking for advice

M

MedeaD

New Member
Just found this thread.
I am a 47 yr old FNT who has been dating a 53 yr man with Asperger's. Recently he ended the relationship after almost 3 years. He said he just no longer sees me as the G/F.
We live together, and I have now moved into another room. We have been apart a little over a month.
He still wants to do things for me and take care of me, but says it is only platonic. We had some conflict last year due to some health issues I had and my feelings of insecurity.
I love him very much and would like to work this out. I am trying to better understand Asperger's and also get some help for my issues as well. I am wondering if there is any hope he will change his mind. He has said once he changes it he never seems to go back.
He has done this sort of thing before in previous relationships from what I've been told. He just gives up and moves on to the next g/f only to repeat the same pattern. I would like to be the person that can break that pattern.
He has said he is willing to cuddle platonically and do what he can too take care of me within his limits.
Any advice?
 
Lose this guy. He is not making an effort to address your needs, especially if intimacy is needed on your part. He also sounds like a commitment phobe. Try dating other people, but you may want to move out first. Or not, maybe the threat of you moving on will stir him to move in a positive direction, but I would be afraid he might revert back once he feels secure with you.
 
midlife aspie said:
Lose this guy. He is not making an effort to address your needs, especially if intimacy is needed on your part. He also sounds like a commitment phobe. Try dating other people, but you may want to move out first. Or not, maybe the threat of you moving on will stir him to move in a positive direction, but I would be afraid he might revert back once he feels secure with you.
Click to expand...
It is defiantly over. His mother has decided to shun me, (yes shun as in turn your back on someone), and if it weren't for the fact that I am still under his roof, he would be doing the same thing. He is practically already shunning me as it is.
There is little to no communication now except in either email or messaging on line, and he is so beyond the other end of the spectrum now there is no possible way to reach him. He is not taking his meds as he should and even my Dr's say he is need of help.
I will be moving out of state hopefully in the middle of April if all goes according to plan. The only thing I will truly regret at this point is the loss of the relationship that I built with his son who is now 10 years old. I love them both very much, but if I can't reach him, and he doesn't want to be reached, then the only thing I ca do is move on.
 
Maybe you can let the son know that if he wants to contact you that he's free to do so. In this day and age that shouldn't be too hard. Sorry to hear about this turn in events in your life though. It's always hard when something like this happens.
 
eonbus said:
again Asperger men are discriminated.
Click to expand...
I am not discriminating. I have tried to reach him. It is impossible. He won't even acknowledge me other than in email.
This is his house, and I have no choice but to leave.
There comes a time when you experience enough cruelty and mental abuse, that you have to give up. And that is where I am at now. He has even told me that his son no longer wants to interact with me. If this is true, then he is teaching his son that it is ok to disregard people you once cared for.
It doesn't matter that I love him. He does not understand it. And to be frank, his actions as of late, have put me in a place where I may love him, but I do not like him any longer. He is not the same man and if this is who he wishes to be towards me, then I must give up. I deserve better.
 
eonbus said:
again Asperger men are discriminated.
Click to expand...

How on Earth is this discrimination? It sounds like the man ended the relationship and is being an asshole on top of that.

MedeaD said:
I am not discriminating. I have tried to reach him. It is impossible. He won't even acknowledge me other than in email.
This is his house, and I have no choice but to leave.
There comes a time when you experience enough cruelty and mental abuse, that you have to give up. And that is where I am at now. He has even told me that his son no longer wants to interact with me. If this is true, then he is teaching his son that it is ok to disregard people you once cared for.
It doesn't matter that I love him. He does not understand it. And to be frank, his actions as of late, have put me in a place where I may love him, but I do not like him any longer. He is not the same man and if this is who he wishes to be towards me, then I must give up. I deserve better.
Click to expand...

You definitely deserve better. No one should stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy, it's not healthy, and it sounds like this relationship is long since over anyway. Time to move out and move on.
 
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