long distance relationship

[Judge]

Aaaaagh.


I guess I'm the exception to the rule, then. But to everybody considering finding a significant other online, I advise caution. I got lucky and found somebody I can trust without really having to look, but that doesn't happen every day.

You trusted, but you also verified. A huge difference. You both went the distance to prove you were who you said you were. Honest people working to make an honest relationship.

 

[Ereth]

You trusted, but you also verified. A huge difference. You both went the distance to prove you were who you said you were. Honest people working to make an honest relationship.

True. I also owe my parents for that. Even after I made sure my boyfriend is who he said he was, they insisted on going with me when I went to see him. It was irritating, but it was in my best interest.

 

[emorjon2]

I know she lied to me and I would really not be surprised if she lied to me more. however, I'm not so retarded that I would send money to her at all, at least not before we met. if she ask money from me over skype, I tell her no. if she breaks up with me then because of that, fine. but I don't break up with her just because she lied to me once, because she deserves a second chance. I know there are relationships where one of them have been cheating and they still keep together. so "running away before money even comes to equation" seems like a bad idea to me, because it isn't even sure that she will beg for money, and I expect her to not beg for money too. if she start to ask for money then I really know the relationship is unserious and I should leave.

and I do know alot about her but I didn't mentioned it here because I thought it was going to be between us. but since many people assume I don't know anything about her I will tell you what I know about her.

she is 23(updated age) and live in nigeria. she works as a police and go school at the same time. she solves this by working some days of the week and go school the other day. she has 4 simblings. the youngest is 8 and her oldest is 20. her dad died in an accident and her mum cannot work, since the mum has hreumatism and can barely walk. each sunday she go to the church and is a choralist. at work ahe works from 6 am to 6 pm.

thats what I know about her. of course I don't know as much as I am supposed to do, since we don't interract so often, but I always work hard to know her better.

and when it comes to lies, when we had the argue of her lie about her age. I told her that if there were any more hidden things she had to tell me, because if I find out more lies I'll leave her. if she really love me, she should have told those lies in that conversation. I don't say that she won't lie again. she will probably lie again, and then I am done with her, and she know that. and I have lots of ways to reveal her. I can just, and will, ask her friends or family members and I will find out if she lied to me more.

I agree with you all that a relationship based on lies will not last for long. but breaking up with someone just because of something you think, assume or believe is not right from my point of view.

 

[JohnnyBravo]

I do have to agree with everyone that it all sounds a bit vague.. At least your last reply seems alot more mature than before. Just try to make sure you don't get yourself hurt.

I know I wouldn't get into another similar relationship myself now (online or long-distance), there are just too many uncertainties that made it too stressful for me.

I think it's supposed to be older women who do that. Not 23 year olds. Not that it matters.

I think long-distance relationships should be between people who first got to know each other in person. I really can't understand being infatuated with someone you've never met in person. This isn't a long-distance relationship, it's an online relationship.

I can only agree with this. But that's not to say an online relationship can't turn into any sort of relationship, and I guess that at the age of 18, inexperienced and in puberty, your mind gets worked up easily and the feelings could feel more intensive.

 

[Ereth]

I agree with you all that a relationship based on lies will not last for long. but breaking up with someone just because of something you think, assume or believe is not right from my point of view.

Please get your head out of the sand. That's not necessarily what we're advising at all.

You don't know her. You know of her. Or at least you think you know her. I was able to trust the person who eventually became my boyfriend because we corresponded for a long time as friends---over a year---before we found out we liked each other as more than that. You're claiming she's your girlfriend after a few weeks. You think you're going to really know her in that short span of time? Not going to happen---especially not online and separated by thousands of miles.

 

[Judge]

I know she lied to me and I would really not be surprised if she lied to me more.

I agree with you all that a relationship based on lies will not last for long.

You are telling us what you already know. That whatever this is or amounts to, it is not a viable relationship.

There's no point now in continuing your own agony. Clearly you're "working the problem". You just need to follow through now and cease communicating with this person in your own best interest.

At least you gain something from all this- to seek honest friends...whether online or not. Keep that big heart of yours..but also protect it.