Learning to “read the room”

[Aspychata]

Think you need to mask because if you say whatever, you never know who has a knife or a gun and is on their last nerve or they are off their meds.

I lived in LA for several years, and never cut off cars or honk my horn because road rage exists. People rage can happen too. It's best to mask.

 

[Owliet]

I think I know exactly what you mean. And it`s just awful, I`m very good at it unfortunately. Remember that lots of people screw up a lot every day, you`re not alone. And your mind is probably making a huge deal out of it, maybe bigger than it actually was.

Best of luck to you, I`ll bet I have messed up much worse than you, like you wouldn`t believe, you can try to comfort yourself a little with that. You`re not the worst. And you are smart and kind, a mistake doesn`t change that.

Thank you for your kind words.
Yes, I’m currently looping and it’s awful. It is definitely less than it is but that doesn’t really stop me from being able to consider that logically. I do this all the time with everything and sometimes I feel so exhausted. I know that it’s not going to be the last either.

 

[Ban]

Definitely know the feeling, I often don't realise I haven't picked up on the tone of the room until everyone is looking at me like I've said something outrageous and I know I've missed something but have no idea what so don't know how to correct it haha.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

In technical discussions I never hold back, especially if I have been listening and analyzing. But, then, I am secure in my abilities. Reading the room socially takes a lot of effort for me because unless I pay strict attention, reading social cues does not come naturally or subconsciously. I could see the most obvious social signaling, but, little that is subtle, so In those situations I will just observe and listen until I am certain I can contribute.

Reading the social situation in public interaction leaves me tired. However, with my friends, I am free to be myself and social interaction is effortless.

 

[Xerces Blue]

This is hit or miss for me.
I enter a room and I understand things according to a couple things.
Scent - I can mostly smell things involved with fire or sex and that's about it, But I smell those things well.
Sight - posture and expression - I do understand these rather well - Martial arts for the win.
Tone - I can't differentiate notes to save my life. A tune, Can't carry it in a supertanker.
But I can usually tell sarcasm and emphasis.

Easy techniques:
Make others tell you what is happening:
- small talk with friends until they tell you or you figure it out.
- "[greetings] what's going on?", "you know what this is about?" people love being "in the know" and showing it.

 

[Fino]

My default is that everything is threatening.

 

[Thinx]

I don't want to dominate this thread, but I feel the need to add a few things to what I've said about being trained to be quiet rather than risk offending. The thoughts that I typically have and suppress are innocent or at least are not meant to be hurtful. In a room, say a meeting at work, thoughts that might come to mind for me that I suppress could include things like:

• "Do you dye your hair that color? Why?"
• "Why do you like going to Las Vegas for a vacation?"
• "Would a vacation be as enjoyable for you if alcohol wasn't involved? Is drinking a big part of why you go on your annual fishing trip?"
• "I have to say I don't like the smell of your perfume at all."
• "Could you talk quieter? You've got a really loud voice, laugh, etc."
• "What do you like about that TV show?"
• "No, I can't stand watching sports at all."
• "I think gambling is stupid. I feel that I work too hard for my money to risk gambling it away. Interestingly, I've found in my experience that it seems like many people who enjoy gambling are people who have government jobs. I've known too many to think it's a coincidence."
• "I haven't eaten fast food in years and I'm actually baffled that people who do regularly don't have more serious health problems."
• "From what I've read, Covid replicates more prevalently in adipose tissue (fat), so I think it's important to be as trim as possible for that reason among all the other well known reasons." (overweight person/people in the room).
• "I have to say these obligatory meetings with outside sales reps are among my least favorite thing to do in life. I absolutely hate those kinds of meetings and don't like meetings in general."
• "Not to be offensive or to embarrass you, but when you lean forward people can see your bra. I don't know if you knew that or not." Or to a man: "Not to embarrass you, but your fly is open and people can see your underwear."
• "I'm very particular about food preparation and I don't know how you prepared this food you brought in. That's the reason I'm not eating any of what you brought. I'd be interested in hearing about your methods and depending on your methods, I might change my mind and eat some of what you made...or not."

I could go on, but those are the kinds of things I filter. Should I? Are they horribly offensive? Should a person make any possibility of offending someone paramount in their life or should people learn how to express their negative reaction to certain things and/or "grow a thicker skin"?

I think most of what you might say here would get adverse reactions. Mostly you are expressing ideas and opinions about the other persons choices, and you don't give any examples where your comments would be positive, sounds like mostly you feel critical of their choices and behaviours.

I think if you were to share these opinions, you would get into conflicts with people, plus people would stop making efforts to filter their comments towards you, so they would tell you what they think about you and your choices and behaviours too.

 

[Suzette]

@Magna, your questions are actually quite common between friends or even friendly acquaintences. As someone else said "know your audience". I would probably avoid asking strangers these things though.

@Owliet
I often keep my mouth shut for all the reasons any sectrumkind knows well. But when my lip glue fails and my filter has clogged I have learned to very quickly forgive myself and put it out of my mind.

One thing that is really helpful is that most folk aren't thinking beyind themselves at all. They are barely cognizant of anything happening outside the realm of their thoughts. I don't mean that to sound judgemental or mean.

What I mean is most folk are just wrapped up in the minute that makes up their lives. They are thinking about the rude thing aunty said last Christmas, not the thing Owliet, whom they barely know, said. They are thinking about dinner, taxes, their favorite t.v. show and if the cute boy in accounting is dating anyone.
They have 1,000 things on their minds. 99% of the time, even if they were offended by something you have said, they have promptly forgotten it as soon as some other thought comes along.

 

[Jordy]

Can a legally blind person learn to see? My solutions is just to not be in rooms that need reading.

 

[Xerces Blue]

Can a legally Blind person learn to read? Yes.
My mom is legally blind.
she has a form of macular degeneration.
Blind spot in the center of her vision big enough to make half a car disappear.
However she can still see and reads quite a bit.
There is also the library for the blind providing books in both audio and brail.
So yes The TOTALLY BLIND can learn to read.
I don't like your Metaphor, IT'S GARBAGE.