Pieceofmind
Active Member
Is anyone else going through the same? It all started the day before Thanksgiving when my hours got a lot more crazy like usual and it's really taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I see the family on Thanksgiving after a super early shift to eat food I never normally eat and too much of it as everyone is being so loud and hyper social that I feel my mind is being weighed down by a lead weight and the fatigue due to the food (there was a lot of gluten) was also getting to me making it worse. I was pretty beat by the time I got home and went to bed shortly after.
Only to wake up the next morning at 4:30 AM to get ready for retail work to do it again. I do the thing feeling pretty unstable but I make it through the lengthy ultra early morning black friday shift. I already ate dinner for the past 3 days but to push out the garbage I ate the other day I spent more (as if I haven't spent enough already refilling my supplements compounding the stress more) to make myself a good dinner I was comfortable with. The next day I'm slightly recharged with my guts still feeling a bit messy but when I went to work again holiday music was finally in full swing making my head swim with negative emotions because it reminds me of all the things I don't have in my life I feel are essential dragging me down weekly as is. The comfort of love and support from others, the feeling of belonging. My sensory issues also began to flare, I felt like I was losing my mind on a bad trip I could not exit. While this was happening the traffic was non-stop of course, wave after wave of holiday shoppers spending more money on christmas items at a time than I make on 2 paychecks. I wasn't even on a register as main cashier and I was up there most of the time and when I was off it didn't even feel like a break cause of the constant chaos with people to avoid and messes everywhere. I began to get lost in a whirlwind of negativity with no way out and my senses were going nuts.
Then came my body's only solution "ready the adrenaline cannons!" which made me become ultra hyperactive and ultra productive to the point of getting so many reward sign ups and taking care of people so fast that never mind the employees but boss was baffled too and didn't know what to tell me. I was on high speed robotic autopilot and I didn't even drink any extra coffee (which I've been staying away from for the past months). When I got home later at night I felt paralyzed, I sat in my room with door closed spacing out to music and trying to keep up with messages from friends on Discord but I could barely handle it. I eventually tried to go to sleep but didn't sleep well and woke up today exhausted already with work coming later. I need to now keep this up for the entire rest of the month. I don't know how to get through this besides complete social isolation and making and reaching routine comforts a priority. It also hurts that it feels like I'm not getting anywhere as I need to get more money to refill my out of bank balance and spend much of a paycheck to get at least some of the immediate family gifts then bracing for the Christmas party too which I'll be exposed as a final blowout to more sensory chaos and food I don't handle very well. It's gonna be long, bumpy month. Anyone else got a lot going on? Sorry for such a long post, I don't know where else to reach more people with this or what it'll even do for me besides get things off my chest.
Only to wake up the next morning at 4:30 AM to get ready for retail work to do it again. I do the thing feeling pretty unstable but I make it through the lengthy ultra early morning black friday shift. I already ate dinner for the past 3 days but to push out the garbage I ate the other day I spent more (as if I haven't spent enough already refilling my supplements compounding the stress more) to make myself a good dinner I was comfortable with. The next day I'm slightly recharged with my guts still feeling a bit messy but when I went to work again holiday music was finally in full swing making my head swim with negative emotions because it reminds me of all the things I don't have in my life I feel are essential dragging me down weekly as is. The comfort of love and support from others, the feeling of belonging. My sensory issues also began to flare, I felt like I was losing my mind on a bad trip I could not exit. While this was happening the traffic was non-stop of course, wave after wave of holiday shoppers spending more money on christmas items at a time than I make on 2 paychecks. I wasn't even on a register as main cashier and I was up there most of the time and when I was off it didn't even feel like a break cause of the constant chaos with people to avoid and messes everywhere. I began to get lost in a whirlwind of negativity with no way out and my senses were going nuts.
Then came my body's only solution "ready the adrenaline cannons!" which made me become ultra hyperactive and ultra productive to the point of getting so many reward sign ups and taking care of people so fast that never mind the employees but boss was baffled too and didn't know what to tell me. I was on high speed robotic autopilot and I didn't even drink any extra coffee (which I've been staying away from for the past months). When I got home later at night I felt paralyzed, I sat in my room with door closed spacing out to music and trying to keep up with messages from friends on Discord but I could barely handle it. I eventually tried to go to sleep but didn't sleep well and woke up today exhausted already with work coming later. I need to now keep this up for the entire rest of the month. I don't know how to get through this besides complete social isolation and making and reaching routine comforts a priority. It also hurts that it feels like I'm not getting anywhere as I need to get more money to refill my out of bank balance and spend much of a paycheck to get at least some of the immediate family gifts then bracing for the Christmas party too which I'll be exposed as a final blowout to more sensory chaos and food I don't handle very well. It's gonna be long, bumpy month. Anyone else got a lot going on? Sorry for such a long post, I don't know where else to reach more people with this or what it'll even do for me besides get things off my chest.