Isn't this a space for sometimes difficult discussion?

[Gerald Wilgus]

I recognize how much our ASD has filtered our life experiences to make us who we are. I have been quite frank here and have received much help that I have followed up with my therapist. For most of us, we are behind the 8-ball socially and I enjoy the discussions of who we are, as hard as that may be at times.

As a teen and young adult, I was socially and sexually isolated and that impacted me negatively (PTSD), so I am interested in how we form our gender values. While I am heteronormal, my experiences have led me to be a little feminine in my outlook. As I explained, some old values of looking for external validation continues to interfere with my happiness as my sensibility in being desired revolved around acceptance and giving rather than the domination that propaganda for my gender role said I should value. I like that I am a more sensitive male and make no excuses for my being.

I have received such great help here and hope that continues.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I also enjoy these types of discussions, even though I'm hetero.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I also enjoy these types of discussions, even though I'm hetero.

At one time or another we all have been marginalized. That is why I refuse to marginalize anybody here. [Well, almost. I once got slapped down hard when I went after a guy who posted a woe is me thread blaming his unethical infidelity on his autism. He was having a sexual competition with another co-worker when the woman he was screwing showed up at his house when his spouse had her parents over for dinner.]

 

[Mr. Stevens]

We ignore our feelings to our detriment.

 

[LadyS]

I also like these kinds of conversations, even though I don't have much time to participate and as hetero as well. I'm female but a lot of my outward behavior and mannerisms tend be more masculine which I think confuses people. But I do enjoy reading everyone's thoughts and experiences here and look forward to more.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

We ignore our feelings to our detriment.

Soo right! But, I am finding out that some feelings about myself were part of the lies I convinced myself were true. Part of PTSD from experiences we were convinced we were helpless to change was the generation of feelings of negativity aimed at one's self concept.

 

[Luca]

I feel like these conversations are incredibly important for all of us to have even if they’re difficult for some people.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I feel like these conversations are incredibly important for all of us to have even if they’re difficult for some people.

Yessssss! I have found that I grow when confronting the personally difficult.

 

[maycontainthunder]

I feel that it is much worse to bottle it up. So many feel that they are the only one, that they are alone. To find a group like this, with others like you, where you can interact without getting attacked for being different is important. I just don't think anyone should be forced to mask on here for fear of being shut down by others.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Gerald, I was engaged to a woman who constantly pretended she was happy, though it harmed her. She treated her feelings like strangers, then wondered why they were strange to her. I know why she did this and feel for her, but it was very difficult. It harmed me then, and harms her now.

She had a total lack of compassion during a major personal loss I had. She acted like nothing happened, and couldn't understand my anger. Her therapist had her get a book on "highly sensitive people," to understand me. God knows what their conversation was like to warrant that, lol. Anyway, I feel like this is the kind of thing you've experienced.

It astounds me how so many people think emotions are weak. Yet, these people are often the touchiest, and think their problems are worse than everyone else's.

I'm glad to see the generation younger than me seems more in touch with their feelings.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I, am a hetro but, read the threads, on others that have issue such as not being linear on the spectrum for sexuality, gay or trans I try to put myself in their places, have cousin who is gay and a trans nephew/niece. who is also high functioning Autistic. I have seen some of their struggle's cousin denied his education, on PHD tract in England SA much as possible I try to view life through the eyes of quantum mechanics.

 

[Lysholm]

I think it's great people regularly post on here ideas, observations, and concepts that could only come from a socially detached or clueless POV. The hardcore personal stuff is cool too. Like myself, for example: I was born a man and am completely content with it. But, if I were born a woman I'd be completely content with that (I would've made a sexy chick!). My brain doesn't care, but my body is a dude, so I thrive in that space. If I had a woman's body, I would thrive in that space. IDK where else I could bring up this inverted CIS feeling.

 

[Aspychata]

I think it's great people regularly post on here ideas, observations, and concepts that could only come from a socially detached or clueless POV. The hardcore personal stuff is cool too. Like myself, for example: I was born a man and am completely content with it. But, if I were born a woman I'd be completely content with that (I would've made a sexy chick!). My brain doesn't care, but my body is a dude, so I thrive in that space. If I had a woman's body, I would thrive in that space. IDK where else I could bring up this inverted CIS feeling.

I like being able to discuss things that society frowns on. For instance, l enjoy the feminine side of men, and quite dislike macho men.

 

[Forest Cat]

I don't really have anything to add to discussions about gender and such, those things people discuss these days. I'm a heterosexual guy and that's all. Nothing more or less. Always liked being a guy, when I grew up boys were taught certain things, we should be stoic and strong and I liked that way of life, it made sense to me. So I don't have anything interesting or helpful to add or contribute with I think.

 

[Angular Chap]

Indeed, this place is great. Every day I feel more and more and more educated on all kinds of sensitive topics, just by sitting back and reading. Thanks to everyone who posts here and shares their experiences and views.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I don't really have anything to add to discussions about gender and such, those things people discuss these days. I'm a heterosexual guy and that's all. Nothing more or less. Always liked being a guy, when I grew up boys were taught certain things, we should be stoic and strong and I liked that way of life, it made sense to me. So I don't have anything interesting or helpful to add or contribute with I think.

Well, you do have something to add in how the gender role of being strong and stoic worked in your culture. That was part of the indoctrination I got, but after being constantly ridiculed for my inabilities in acceptable sports, I rejected most of the brainwashing. Nevermind that I was able to develop skill in Whitewater open canoe up to Class IV, or Diving in overhead environments. Those do not count to most people.

 

[Forest Cat]

Well, you do have something to add in how the gender role of being strong and stoic worked in your culture. That was part of the indoctrination I got, but after being constantly ridiculed for my inabilities in acceptable sports, I rejected most of the brainwashing. Nevermind that I was able to develop skill in Whitewater open canoe up to Class IV, or Diving in overhead environments. Those do not count to most people.

But whitewater canoeing is a hard sport. It's not something anyone can just do on a whim, it's even a dangerous sport. So that does absolutely count.

 

[Aspychata]

A strong man can also mean a male who embraces his feminine side without feeling guilty about it. You may like the color pink, you may like fluffy slippers, you may like laughing like a giggly girl, this doesn't mean anything, and doesn't define you. You may want to cry at sad movies, guess what? That's okay too. Authentic people embrace all of themselves and don't need to mimic standards handed to us by consumer corporate entities who need to bring in revenue.

 

[Knower of nothing]

I continue to find that dissecting yourself into boxes of masculine and feminine is a pointless exercise in validation seeking. I understand that it is society that pushes this logic initially with its constant judgment, but you have a personal responsibility to not keep affirming it as doing so publicly is what keeps the wheels turning.

Gender roles and other similar prisons of identity ultimately just turn you into commodity, it's no way to look at a real person. You are not some puppet born from your biological sex and lineage. There is no necessary overlap between you and a sibling that grew up with the same sex and lineage. It's just convenient nonsense to avoid having to conceptualize other people as full human beings rather than easily digestible caricatures (which is what an identity is, a caricature).

Being attached to a certain identity will only cause you to dislike or hide parts of yourself from yourself or others. It can only be an intermediate step in growth. It's not a healthy way to be indefinitely.
I believe even without understanding this explicitly, many people abandon their identities as they grow up and become just themselves.

 

[Aspychata]

Yet it's our very hangups that propel us, be it personal beliefs or society's gender roles or concepts, even rejection propels some to become successful.