Is this therapist the right one for me?

[Coupe]

I went to see a new therapist that my psychiatrist referred me to today, and I was wondering if anyone could help me sort out my feelings about this....

I'll just give a bulleted list of everything that came up in my intake appt:

- First off, she doesn't know I'm on the spectrum anywhere...I'm afraid of what will happen if I say that I am.

- I feel like I won't be able to express my emotions as freely as I was able to with my other therapist (i.e. cry, melt down, talk about how I feel like hurting people when I'm angry, etc)...like, she doesn't know my emotional age isn't in sync with my chronological age, which again, I don't plan to tell her b/c I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.

- She wants me to keep a "mood journal" every one to two hours, every day.

- She says we're going to be working on skills rather than how I feel, unlike my previous therapist. I kind of liked just talking about my feelings and venting, though, since I have, like, zero real-life friends besides my dad and aunt.

- She's going to be using Relaxation training, too - the kind where I can't drive a car or operate heavy machinery while using it (not that that's a concern - I don't drive or operate heavy machinery anyway).

Anyway, that's pretty much the gist of my intake appt....I don't really know what to think; if she's going to be a safe person or not. However, I guess if this is my opportunity to be "fixed" I ought to take advantage of it. When she asked what skills my previous therapist and I worked on, I told her I couldn't remember any actual "skills" we worked on, since my previous therapist actually became more of a "friend" to me than an actual professional I went to see, but I told this current therapist I wanted to develop some skills, even though it was mostly because I thought that's what she'd want me to say- and it was.

To be perfectly honest, I feel like I wouldn't HAVE these kinds of problems (or like 95% of my other issues, for that matter) if I could just stay completely by myself for the rest of my life, with visits only from people I trust completely. I don't want people, people don't really want me - If I just got to stay by myself and they didn't have to tolerate my presence, we'd all be winners. It's what I've wanted ever since I was 14 years old.

...Anyway, thoughts? Opinions? Thanks in advance.

 

[wyverary]

- First off, she doesn't know I'm on the spectrum anywhere...I'm afraid of what will happen if I say that I am.

Are you officially diagnosed? If so, then there should be no harm in outright telling her. If it's not "official," I would wait until a few sessions in when you've had a chance to feel things out.

- I feel like I won't be able to express my emotions as freely as I was able to with my other therapist (i.e. cry, melt down, talk about how I feel like hurting people when I'm angry, etc)...like, she doesn't know my emotional age isn't in sync with my chronological age, which again, I don't plan to tell her b/c I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.

See above.

- She wants me to keep a "mood journal" every one to two hours, every day.

I actually do this. Do you have a smartphone? There is one I use called iMoodJournal that you can set to give regular as well as random reminders throughout the day.

- She says we're going to be working on skills rather than how I feel, unlike my previous therapist. I kind of liked just talking about my feelings and venting, though, since I have, like, zero real-life friends besides my dad and aunt.

Now this is a little confusing to me. Shouldn't she be doing both? I guess which "coping skills" are appropriate to learn would be dependent on your current situation and where you want to go from here (if anywhere).

- She's going to be using Relaxation training, too - the kind where I can't drive a car or operate heavy machinery while using it (not that that's a concern - I don't drive or operate heavy machinery anyway).

I'm not quite sure what this means. If you're referring to what's commonly known as "mindfulness therapy," I've actually found that useful, even more so than cognitive behavioral therapy.

To be perfectly honest, I feel like I wouldn't HAVE these kinds of problems (or like 95% of my other issues, for that matter) if I could just stay completely by myself for the rest of my life, with visits only from people I trust completely. I don't want people, people don't really want me - If I just got to stay by myself and they didn't have to tolerate my presence, we'd all be winners. It's what I've wanted ever since I was 14 years old.

And maybe you can accomplish that some day, but it will not hurt to have this "tool belt" that hopefully (and this isn't necessarily a given) this new therapist can provide.

Ultimately, if things don't work out, try another therapist. It's a really hard process finding a good fit.

Good luck!

 

[MicroWeiss]

I was recently wondering how weird it was to see being all alone with no one ever bothering you for the rest of your life as some kind of perfect scenario.

This is just your first day and everything. If you have bad or good feelings about her you should consider them. I can usually size people up, or get a gut feeling within a couple seconds of meeting them. If you approach her next time with some focus on how you feel about her, whether you should trust her, and then really listen to those feelings that could work. Do you feel comfortable making your own honest assessment about someone? Letting me tell you how to relate to another person when I haven't met you or her seems like it could cause problems.

You're afraid of what will happen if someone finds out you are on the spectrum. Do you think you are letting a psychological transference of your difficulty in another situation cloud your view of this situation?

The skills thing is good, you could always just try that. Don't beat yourself up if you don't get back into your emotional issues. If you don't want to do a lot of venting and stuff, it's your call. I don't always find venting to be therapeutic. The times I have made progress through venting it tends to feel like I've done all the work, because the person I am venting to doesn't know how to handle it.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I went to see a new therapist that my psychiatrist referred me to today, and I was wondering if anyone could help me sort out my feelings about this....

I'll just give a bulleted list of everything that came up in my intake appt:

- First off, she doesn't know I'm on the spectrum anywhere...I'm afraid of what will happen if I say that I am.

- I feel like I won't be able to express my emotions as freely as I was able to with my other therapist (i.e. cry, melt down, talk about how I feel like hurting people when I'm angry, etc)...like, she doesn't know my emotional age isn't in sync with my chronological age, which again, I don't plan to tell her b/c I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.

- She wants me to keep a "mood journal" every one to two hours, every day.

- She says we're going to be working on skills rather than how I feel, unlike my previous therapist. I kind of liked just talking about my feelings and venting, though, since I have, like, zero real-life friends besides my dad and aunt.

- She's going to be using Relaxation training, too - the kind where I can't drive a car or operate heavy machinery while using it (not that that's a concern - I don't drive or operate heavy machinery anyway).

Anyway, that's pretty much the gist of my intake appt....I don't really know what to think; if she's going to be a safe person or not. However, I guess if this is my opportunity to be "fixed" I ought to take advantage of it. When she asked what skills my previous therapist and I worked on, I told her I couldn't remember any actual "skills" we worked on, since my previous therapist actually became more of a "friend" to me than an actual professional I went to see, but I told this current therapist I wanted to develop some skills, even though it was mostly because I thought that's what she'd want me to say- and it was.

To be perfectly honest, I feel like I wouldn't HAVE these kinds of problems (or like 95% of my other issues, for that matter) if I could just stay completely by myself for the rest of my life, with visits only from people I trust completely. I don't want people, people don't really want me - If I just got to stay by myself and they didn't have to tolerate my presence, we'd all be winners. It's what I've wanted ever since I was 14 years old.

...Anyway, thoughts? Opinions? Thanks in advance.

For what it's worth, here's my .02:

You don't have to tell her you're on the spectrum, but don't hold it against her that she doesn't know. You can try what she suggests and report on what happens--and then tell her how your spectrum placement is relevant if she's truly asking you to do things you just can't. On the other hand, if you sit on your "emotional immaturity" thing, you don't get better, and that's what you're paying her for. I found there was a difference between things I was uncomfortable doing, and things I could not do, period, but I had to be pushed. And I did mature a little more, and that has been useful in breaking certain failure cycles, or slowing them down.

No one trusts a therapist immediately. You shouldn't expect to feel free to just parade your emotions, but the upside is, you have to use some words instead.

Venting does not fix. It rehearses. It's like crack cocaine: feel better for a little bit, then you need another hit. That's a very expensive way to turn a therapist into an enabler.

Working on skills is crucial. And that's what she's qualified to do--unless you two just don't mix; if you can't build the relationship, it's not because of her focus on the skills, but because you can't trust her to help you up when you stumble, and help you learn to stumble less.

The very best people in therapy, friendship, work, and life are the ones who saw my potential and didn't let my perceptions of my limitations--or the limitations themselves--keep me in a helpless state. She sounds like she could be one of those. Only time will tell. Are you going to give her the chance?

 

[Sheogorath]

I've had numerous of therapists. Some of them I ended up liking but the biggest lot I couldn't stand at all. It's not that they weren't good people - there just wasn't that oh so important "connection" between me and him/her. This is my biggest issue with therapy in general; you walk into an office and there's this professional with an attitude that says: "Sit down and speak, I have 30 minutes so make it quick - I don't want to miss lunch". It's just this air of "I am a professional so now you have to tell me everything". No. Just no. I don't just tell everyone everything about myself. I want to establish trust first. Especially since you often get new therapists working with you and you grow tired of telling everybody a personal story over and over again.

Alas. My apologies for this rant. The only thing I actually wanted to say, is that it's hart to determine on beforehand whether or not a therapist is "the right one".

 

[BassBus]

If I can through in my 2 cents as a therapist. No therapy is going to be useful if there is not a sense of openness between therapist and client. If a client holds information back then the therapist cannot help with that issue. If a client does not want to go over everything with every therapist then I wonder what it is that takes you to therapy?

If a person wants to be on their own then what is to stop them being on their own?

What I am reading in the openning post is a person on the spectrum moving into something new. That is never easy for someone on the spectrum. New things always cause an amount of anxiety.

 

[red_dog]

I understand you are hesitant to tell things to your new therapist. I am the same. One therapist I had insisted that I sign something to promise that I would tell her certain things - I refused & never went back to see them again.

One thing that might be useful to ask is about their confidentiality / privacy of your information. It makes me more comfortable to tell a therapist things if I know what they are going to do with what I tell them.

Another thing that I find useful is to write an introduction letter to my therapist to explain my situation & history. I have difficulties communicating verbally, especially when anxious, so written communication assists me greatly. I regularly sent emails to my therapist.

I would think it would be best if you could tell your therapist that you are on the spectrum as soon as you feel able to. They can help you lots more if you tell them things like that. If they react badly to such an important part of who you are - then they aren't the right therapist for you anyway.

Good luck