Is this a kind of shutdown, or something else?

[AnnaTheFox]

If this is the wrong place mods feel free to move the thread.

Hello, have had a specific kind of recurrent experience and curious whether it's a kind of shutdown or if anyone has any other ideas. First things first, 30yo, professionally diagnosed with PTSD/MDD/GAD, abusive family of origin.
Suspect/self diagnoses ASD Asperger's subtype.
At times, especially when I was younger (up into my twenties), occasionally when highly stressed, during an argument or confrontation, body would kind of go limp (not to the point of falling over if seated), mind would run in circles around a specific statement I *wanted* to say, but mouth would not open. I simply could not speak. No force of God could compel me to do so, as I very deeply wanted to speak. My mind would simply run in circles until the argument was over, and the other person left me alone. Even then, this could take a significant amount of time after for me to "come back online", potentially in excess of maybe an hour (ball park, no idea for sure, not timing myself). Usually needed time alone/sleep after, as even though I was "back online", I was far from my best, usually very withdrawn.

I've read a number of different kinds of shutdowns, granted all are unique, some similar, some different.

Does this sound like a shutdown? Or is there a better explanation for this experience? Open to ideas, questions, thank you for the help.

 

[Streetwise]

Can you physically move when you experience what you experience,a rare part of panic attacks is a catatonic like state But that would mean you couldn't move if you can move its probably a shut down

 

[AnnaTheFox]

Interesting, thank you, generally can't move either. I'll have to investigate those. I am aware of classic panic attacks, but only slightly aware of a catatonic state.

That was the confusion. I've experienced more classic melt downs/shut downs. At concerts for instance, if I don't have ear plugs or the event is too big, I'll be a crying mess.

 

[Katleya]

I'm prone to panic attacks and overall very anxious, but in certain types of stressful conditions (only those that involve the need to communicate with someone in a setting of conflict), I get a particular type of reaction that kind of reminds me of your description: I'll feel like my legs are suddenly empty, as if they'd either been cut off or all of the blood suddenly disappeared, and I will feel generally limp, except for my hands, which might be overly tense.

For example, I don't particularly like calling people on the phone, but I can call to make an appointment without it being a problem. Now, if I had to call someone with whom there's open conflict, I will very likely have that reaction. I had never put 2 and 2 together, so thanks for your post.

And... welcome, by the way!

 

[onlything]

Shutdown, I'd say. Sounds a bit like selective mutism.
When overloaded, my brain puts some systems offline. Talking, mainly. At times, thinking. At worst, everything.

The longest mutism period I had lasted a bit more than two days. Couldn't speak. At all. At most, grunting or 'hn'ying.

 

[WittyAspie]

To begin with WELCOME!

There are a few people on here who have a background similar to yours. You aren't the first person to describe experiences like that. I will let those individuals speak for themselves, but know that you have come to a helpful place.

 

[isthisreallife]

Happens to me exactly as you described, not sure what it is....

 

[Streetwise]

People used to call it a rabbit caught in the headlights I think in true physical conflict it would be called freezing probably when a predator is so close that your instinct becomes to play dead

 

[Lady Penelope]

People used to call it a rabbit caught in the headlights I think in true physical conflict it would be called freezing probably when a predator is so close that your instinct becomes to play dead

Exactly this. I did this. It was even with a predator! I always thought I'd stick up for myself but my body shut down. I couldn't move or speak but my mind was surging. It happened again as ptsd from the trauma.
My counsellor says it's a shutdown.
Very common.

It has also happened when I'm overwhelmed...like too many computer tabs open and screen freezes. Need to reboot

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome here.

It sounds like a freeze. A shutdown to me.
Panic attacks as Streetwise said, can be so bad you can't move, talk, swallow, think, barely able to breathe.
I've had my share of them.
The only thing you feel is fear and usually the fear is that you are dying due to how the stress the hormones running through your body makes you feel.
I also get derealization if overly full of anxiety or sensory overloads. That's when everything seems surreal.
Unreal. Very odd sensation.

 

[Bella Pines]

Might be part of the PTSD. Firstly I have to say, I am by no means medically qualified whatsoever! But recently did some research into polyvagal theory to help a social worker friend of mine (well aspie version of friend).

There's a cranial nerve, the vagus nerve, that controls fight and flight. Recent and fascinating studies theorize that if a human is incapable of fight or flight (say a small child) then the brain goes into freeze mode and shuts down completely. This was put forward by Stephen Porges and he also suggested that to solve it, the case worker needs to bring the subject back up into fight or flight.

How to Live on Earth When You Were Raised in Hell - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children

 

[Kaykay]

I am clinically diagnosed with ASD, SPD, and anxiety and I quite frequently lose speech and my muscles lock up when overwhelmed if emotions are the reason I will occasionally lose my ability to stand and on the rare occasion once i allow myself to stop moving I will lose the ability to move at all I do not know whatever the movement problem comes from my ASD or my anxiety but I have been told the speech problem comes from ASD. Proper movement and my personality always come back before speech for me. I have once lost speech for almost am entire day but there were frequent overwhelming points in that day so I do not believe it was due to one incident but rather the combination of the many

 

[Judge]

I've read a number of different kinds of shutdowns, granted all are unique, some similar, some different.

I think you put that rather well. Indeed, to me it's indicative of a shutdown.

 

[JDartistic]

Mutism. Look it up.

That’s what I do. That’s what ur doing.

Mutism. It’s okay. U need time to process.

 

[RiverSong]

mind would run in circles around a specific statement I *wanted* to say, but mouth would not open. I simply could not speak. No force of God could compel me to do so, as I very deeply wanted to speak. My mind would simply run in circles until the argument was over, and the other person left me alone. Even then, this could take a significant amount of time after for me to "come back online", potentially in excess of maybe an hour (ball park, no idea for sure, not timing myself). Usually needed time alone/sleep after, as even though I was "back online", I was far from my best, usually very withdrawn.

I'm no expert. It could be a shutdown. I'm pretty much in the same boat. I call mine a shutdown when I can't talk, I feel numb to everything, and my thinking keeps repeating what I want to say but I can't get the words out. It's like my brain goes on the fritz and I can think but can't speak. I experience this way more often when I'm really stressed out. It usually takes a day or two for me to recover depending on the extent of the shutdown.

But I'm finding that I feel better sooner if I don't try to fight it. Accepting the shutdown as my time to reboot instead of feeling bad that it's happening is way more helpful. I now view it as a notification that I'm taking on or trying to do too much (overloaded), I need to step back from a situation (withdraw and recoup), or something I'm doing needs to change (not taking enough care of myself).