intrusive thoughts

[apolloidolsice]

does/did anyone else have these? or did your autism make it worse? i've had sexual intrusive thoughts because of my CSA, and my autism has made me have nonsexual ones as well. It would make me have thoughts about all my classmates.

When i was about 9 or 10, my brain would force me to quietly say swearwords if someone in a movie or something said a word that began with the same first letter (example, someone says frankly, my brain would quietly make me say extremely distasteful words)

I had another one when i was about 7 where i "had" to touch a pan or a active lamp.

anyone else? or just me?

 

[MildredHubble]

I have for sure. I have bipolar disorder, I think the issues this causes can make my brain go rather wonky. I haven't been diagnosed with ASD, but I do feel quite sure I'm on the spectrum the more I learn about it. So I have in some ways begun to reassess if perhaps some of the things I experience are part of bipolar or potentially part of ASD.

I have had some very wonky ideas about avoiding parts of the pavement with any markings on them. I had some strong delusions about what might happen.

I think due to my rather miserable experience throughout Roman Catholic school, my brain was very confused about the ideas you are made to believe. I had very distressed episodes where I needed to say things like the Hail Mary or Lords prayer a specific amount of times to ward off bad things.

These, I have been told are part of bipolar psychosis (sounds scary, but it just basically means you are misinterpreting reality essentially).

When I'm high I tend to pace a lot. At least a lot more than I have been, but I've become aware this could be a stim. The fact that I've been mostly depressed for quite some time and I still pace quite a lot, makes me wonder about this.

Have you talked to anyone about these intrusive thoughts? Like a doctor?

I know how distressing they can be and I would strongly recommend talking to someone to get some help that may help you deal with them.

I think my medication helps quite a bit to control these sorts of things. Most of the time, at least right now they aren't bothering me much.

 

[mysterionz]

*raises hand* me too. Medication is what’s keeping me sane right now.

 

[apolloidolsice]

Have you talked to anyone about these intrusive thoughts? Like a doctor?

they'd prob think i actually desire those thoughts and put me on a list or something so, no. oh well. such is the way of the worm

 

[MildredHubble]

they'd prob think i actually desire those thoughts and put me on a list or something so, no. oh well. such is the way of the worm

I don't necessarily think they would. Intrusive thoughts are a lot more common than you think. Trying to deal with them on your own can be very distressing. Thoughts are just thoughts, but they can cause you to be fearful and confused.

The best thing is that you get help to rob them of their ability to distress you.

It probably feels like you are the only person who has these intrusive thoughts. I can promise you that you aren't. If I had understood this many years ago, I may have avoided a lot of depression and distress.

 

[Rodafina]

they'd prob think i actually desire those thoughts and put me on a list or something so, no. oh well. such is the way of the worm

I understand you perfectly, but based on what you described there is also a chance that a competent mental health professional would know exactly what you’re talking about. With just a cursory understanding here, you’ve described textbook intrusive thoughts. One of the hallmarks of obsessive intrusive thoughts is that you have no desire to act on them, and never would, but they can be the worst things you can imagine.

It is also something that is very difficult for some people to talk about, so opening up about it anywhere with trusted people in your life, or mental health professionals can actually help to lessen their frequency. For most people that have some sort of intrusive thoughts, they can definitely increase in times of stress and anxiety.

i've had sexual intrusive thoughts because of my CSA

I don’t understand what CSA is.

---

I have struggled with intrusive thoughts of an extremely violent nature… Starting around when I was 17. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter I discovered drugs, then alcohol, and then weed. Although there was some quieting of these thoughts while I was under the influence of substances, I arrived 25 years later, dead inside and a true addict.

I am definitely not saying this to scare you… We are each different and will have to figure out our own challenges and how to overcome them, but if I’m understanding you correctly, I would suggest that you try to address this with trusted people in your life if you can, rather than just sitting with it silently.

If it is upsetting to you, it is worth trying to take care of. People like us can get worn down by these thoughts, but as a mysterionz and Mildred Hubble mentioned, there are other options. I too have recently started medication that is meant to help with these things without killing my soul or suppressing the good parts of my autism. This is my dream.

 

[mysterionz]

@Rodafina not OP, but CSA means childhood sexual abuse

 

[Rodafina]

@Rodafina not OP, but CSA means childhood sexual abuse

Thank you.

 

[Aspychata]

I understand you perfectly, but based on what you described there is also a chance that a competent mental health professional would know exactly what you’re talking about. With just a cursory understanding here, you’ve described textbook intrusive thoughts. One of the hallmarks of obsessive intrusive thoughts is that you have no desire to act on them, and never would, but they can be the worst things you can imagine.

It is also something that is very difficult for some people to talk about, so opening up about it anywhere with trusted people in your life, or mental health professionals can actually help to lessen their frequency. For most people that have some sort of intrusive thoughts, they can definitely increase in times of stress and anxiety.


I don’t understand what CSA is.

---

I have struggled with intrusive thoughts of an extremely violent nature… Starting around when I was 17. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter I discovered drugs, then alcohol, and then weed. Although there was some quieting of these thoughts while I was under the influence of substances, I arrived 25 years later, dead inside and a true addict.

I am definitely not saying this to scare you… We are each different and will have to figure out our own challenges and how to overcome them, but if I’m understanding you correctly, I would suggest that you try to address this with trusted people in your life if you can, rather than just sitting with it silently.

If it is upsetting to you, it is worth trying to take care of. People like us can get worn down by these thoughts, but as a mysterionz and Mildred Hubble mentioned, there are other options. I too have recently started medication that is meant to help with these things without killing my soul or suppressing the good parts of my autism. This is my dream.

Great news there. Understand you are taking a giant step there, giving a virtual hug (if okay). That was a big step to step outside and get help. I failed on that and really screwed up. I should have seeked meds and counseling. I couldn't ask for help.

This was about sometime back.

 

[Rodafina]

I couldn't ask for help.

Some of us are in positions for a very long time where we just cannot for some reason. Maybe if we all knew about each other back then, we could’ve at least talked about it. It’s very difficult to be tortured by your own mind.

@apolloidolsice , I think you’ll find understanding here among us. We know that this is difficult because we have been there too.

 

[Wolfnox]

I find music helps. Relaxing or heroic to "switch" the channel.