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Introducing Myself - Dad of 11-year old Amazing Aspergers kid (undiagnosed), looking to chat

So if you don't think that CBT is a very good regimen, is there another therapy design that you think is effective, or is the diversity of individuality among Asperger's too varied to make that kind of recommendation.
Check the ASD-competent support services available in your area. Stay away from providers who reference Kanner. Seek out those familiar with Wing and/or Attwood (or later).

A beneficial counselor will help your son make peace with his ASD1 (& giftedness?) and help him to better navigate the NT world. If he is still physically vulnerable to bullies,* he will, at least, understand that it is the other person's problem and not because he is defective.

That sense of defectiveness can also hinder his interest in dating. I got married at 21, but dating doesn't usually work the same way for autistics as it seems to for NTs.

Being secure in who he is will help that, too.

*Some kids are physically imposing enough that they are seldom threatened.
 
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Hi, James.

Hey. Any suggestions on whether to rock the boat for my son, who lives in this kind of ideal bubble life right now, or just continue to let him (once school
A formal diagnosis is sobering, but the (positive) childlike features are here to stay.

If he is gifted (as you describe him), there are parts that are growing faster than expected and other parts that are growing slower than expected. That phenomenon is called Asynchronous Development. If the slower development is past a certain threshold in social skills, that is the autism. Both ASD1 & gifted retain access to their beneficial child-like qualities long after everyone else has outgrown theirs, but it creates a cultural disconnect, too, as everyone else ages in NT fashion.

ASD1s & gifteds grow in those other areas, too, [we] just don't lose said childlike traits (like wonder) along the way.

Thank you so much for your insight. My biggest problem is convincing my wife to take that step. She sees my son in a great place - getting great support at school, having an aid with him all day during
classes, having a wonderful support team at school, and then he comes home to a stay at home mom and a work from home father who both dote on and support him, and he can learn both with and without me the growing nuances and wonders of coding and computer languages, and have conversations with computer professionals who have no idea he is only 11 years old.

In a way, he is in his own nirvana-like environment.
 
Thank you so much for your insight. My biggest problem is convincing my wife to take that step.
That is why I suggested that he be placed in gifted class, first, if he is eligible. I was so recognized in first grade and it gave me an internal rationale for being different. (I liked programming, too.)

I wasn't diagnosed ASD1 until I was 45. (That filled in the rest of the story.)
 
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I am the father of an amazing 11 year old boy who I believe has Asperger's, and am looking to chat with people who have their own kids in similar situations, or people with Aspergers who can give me some measure of guidance, insight, and information about his wild, wonderful world of an incredibly smart boy like my son.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 14 and am 17 now. I also have ADHD and depression. It took me a long time to be diagnosed because I am not that bad at socializing. Also, people with aspergers are very good at socializing between themselves and I have a friend with aspergers. Tell me about your son and I can talk to you.
 
That is why I suggested that he be placed in gifted class, first, if he is eligible. I was so recognized in first grade and it gave me an internal rationale for being different. (I liked programming, too.)

I wasn't diagnosed ASD1 until I was 45. (That filled in the rest of the story.)

The problem is that, although by all routine metrics that someone might see to look at him, my son has excellent speech, strong body movement and routine interactions with adults but not children (although always with a angle towards technology), gifted classes in traditional schools (and ours in Glenview, Illinois is amazing) still look at "gifted" in terms of achievement in the top 20% on a standardized test in one of the main areas that are tested - English/grammar/writing, math, social studies/sciences. Although my son is slightly above grade level achievement compared to his peers in math (and slightly below in English/grammar/writing, there is no metric that tests coding/computer literacy.

Also, because he does have an aid from the school with him full time, that aid (which is school-district paid) would not be transferable to any private educational institution.
 
The problem is that, although by all routine metrics that someone might see to look at him, my son has excellent speech, strong body movement and routine interactions with adults but not children (although always with a angle towards technology), gifted classes in traditional schools (and ours in Glenview, Illinois is amazing) still look at "gifted" in terms of achievement in the top 20% on a standardized test in one of the main areas that are tested - English/grammar/writing, math, social studies/sciences. Although my son is slightly above grade level achievement compared to his peers in math (and slightly below in English/grammar/writing, there is no metric that tests coding/computer literacy.

Also, because he does have an aid from the school with him full time, that aid (which is school-district paid) would not be transferable to any private educational institution.

But don't get me wrong. As I have said, compared to many other kids likely in a similar situation, he gets astounding support both at school, and at home. But I am coming to see that most parents with kids on the spectrum don't as much express concern about the immediate, but about the future..
 
The problem is that, although by all routine metrics that someone might see to look at him, my son has excellent speech, strong body movement and routine interactions with adults but not children (although always with a angle towards technology), gifted classes in traditional schools (and ours in Glenview, Illinois is amazing) still look at "gifted" in terms of achievement in the top 20% on a standardized test in one of the main areas that are tested - English/grammar/writing, math, social studies/sciences. Although my son is slightly above grade level achievement compared to his peers in math (and slightly below in English/grammar/writing, there is no metric that tests coding/computer literacy.

Also, because he does have an aid from the school with him full time, that aid (which is school-district paid) would not be transferable to any private educational institution.
That is not typical for gifted classes. Most are screened by scoring in the top 2% of IQ tests, typically the WISC. Autistics tend to under-perform on the WISC, but have more accurate scores on the Raven's or the TONI.

Your school should have these tests available for free. You may have to request the Raven's or TONI tests, though. (They really should have done these as part of their initial evaluation.)

If he doesn't make the cut, it just means that his skill set is more specialized, than generalized.
 
That is not typical for gifted classes. Most are screened by scoring in the top 2% of IQ tests, typically the WISC. Autistics tend to under-perform on the WISC, but have more accurate scores on the Raven's or the TONI.

Your school should have these tests available for free. You may have to request the Raven's or TONI tests, though. (They really should have done these as part of their initial evaluation.)

If he doesn't make the cut, it just means that his skill set is more specialized, than generalized.

Thank you for the information about the Raven's and TONI test. Yes, his technology interest is definitely more specialized.
 
He might surprise you.
He surprises me every day, and very much in a good way. And of course I hear he often is a rock star at school, but again this is within a very rare air environment at school where like a said his fellow students and teachers are almost like cheerleaders. So he thrives beyond belief.
 
Check the ASD-competent support services available in your area. Stay away from providers who reference Kanner. Seek out those familiar with Wing and/or Attwood (or later).

A beneficial counselor will help your son make peace with his ASD1 (& giftedness?) and help him to better navigate the NT world. If he is still physically vulnerable to bullies,* he will, at least, understand that it is the other person's problem and not because he is defective.

That sense of defectiveness can also hinder his interest in dating. I got married at 21, but dating doesn't usually work the same way for autistics as it seems to for NTs.

Being secure in who he is will help that, too.

*Some kids are physically imposing enough that they are seldom threatened.

The thing is that he is very, very secure in who he is, technologically speaking. He is so confident in his technology skills, as they relate to phones, computers, TVs, etc. that this bleeds on over into areas that he has lesser and more average talent.

My wife seems to think that if we start really exposing him to the idea of, or testing regarding aspergers, that is when he might start feeling odd or defective. I feel we are at this tipping point, and a year from now, nothing will be the same.
 
That is why I suggested that he be placed in gifted class, first, if he is eligible. I was so recognized in first grade and it gave me an internal rationale for being different. (I liked programming, too.)

I wasn't diagnosed ASD1 until I was 45. (That filled in the rest of the story.)

From what you have seen, do most kids that are diagnosed with, or seem to manifest Asperger's traits do well in life? Be independent and able to take advantage of and thrive with their special talents? Are they able to grow enough out of their childhood idiosyncracies and make their way in the world with any success? I know it's different for every child, and every child is different, but this is the issue that keeps me up at night.
 
The thing is that he is very, very secure in who he is, technologically speaking. He is so confident in his technology skills, as they relate to phones, computers, TVs, etc. that this bleeds on over into areas that he has lesser and more average talent.
  1. He is comfortable within his introversion.
  2. He is popular because his "wiz kid" persona is novel with his classmates at that age.
  3. If you go the gifted route, first, it will segue from his current "wiz kid" identity, as his popularity fades in the former arena. Autism testing can wait and be introduced more comfortably, later, as an attribute of his giftedness [more specifically, his neuro-diversity]. (If he has both, that is called twice exceptional or 2e.)
 
From what you have seen, do most kids that are diagnosed with, or seem to manifest Asperger's traits do well in life? Be independent and able to take advantage of and thrive with their special talents? Are they able to grow enough out of their childhood idiosyncracies and make their way in the world with any success? I know it's different for every child, and every child is different, but this is the issue that keeps me up at night.
As you describe your son, he sounds like he is ASD1. "1" means he will need little support for living independently. (If he has adequate money, he should be able to maintain a budget as expected, especially, given his STEM skills.)

Social/communication issues can cause employment problems at many places, but he can fit right in at niche jobs (like engineering) where his co-workers will have similar traits (and they are almost expected).

At the same time, his hobbies may seem childish by NT standards.

If he has more severe co-morbid conditions [ASD2/3], he will always need extra support services (unless he eventually progresses to ASD1).
 
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Many people do fine as ASD1, and indeed back before it was much diagnosed, they were often just seen as clever but a bit odd. The problem with this label, is the ignorance of most people about what it actually means. This is why most people here advise others who are newly diagnosed young people or adults who ask advice here, not to broadcast their diagnosis, especially at college or at work.

People here have experience of being seen as defective, assumptions being made, losing credibility at work, and losing employment. We are different, not defective, but the condition is not well understood. It's the stigma that is the problem, really.

In relation to bullying, children who are different tend to get attention. It doesn't mean he'll be bullied, I never was, some children and young people get through fine. It can happen to any child that is different that someone will pick on them, but getting a diagnosis or linking him to an understanding of himself that is stigmatised won't make any helpful difference to that, that I can see? What does school think about this?
 
In relation to bullying,...
...but getting a diagnosis or linking him to an understanding of himself that is stigmatised won't make any helpful difference to that, that I can see?
  1. If he knows that he is okay, he'll conclude that the other person is just being a jerk.
  2. If he does not know that he is okay, he might be led to believe his oppressor (about his supposed "defect").
 
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  1. He is comfortable within his introversion.
  2. He is popular because his "wiz kid" persona is novel with his classmates at that age.
  3. If you go the gifted route, first, it will segue from his current "wiz kid" identity, as his popularity fades in the former arena. Autism testing can wait and be introduced more comfortably, later, as an attribute of his giftedness [more specifically, his neuro-diversity]. (If he has both, that is called twice exceptional or 2e.)
It's interesting, because as I speak with more and more people who either have Asperger's, or are a relative/parent, I find it frequently occurs and regular that kids who seem to have "publicly intriguing" or beneficial talents are treated like little rock stars, but then it often fades when they move further along in adolescence into their teen years.

Again, I much appreciate your time and information. I know that at some point in the future, I will become more fluent in this area. Until now, I have made it a mission to be the best father and parent i can be, learning how to best support and encourage Jordan. I have been able to have a substantial impact on his young life also because I manage to be able to work much of my law practice from home, so I don't just drop in at the end of a day and get a summary recap.

So your flow-over knowledge is greatly appreciated.
 
I have a Jordan, too, but he isn't one of mine on the spectrum.

Have you tried any of the online screening tests yourself, yet?
I have not tried the online screening tests, probably because, in school, before entering the 3rd grade, he was given a substantial assessment battery and was found to be on the spectrum. So he has been receiving services with an IEP, under that designation
 
I have not tried the online screening tests, probably because, in school, before entering the 3rd grade, he was given a substantial assessment battery and was found to be on the spectrum.
I mean to see how you would do (for grins & giggles). Your profession is common for parents of autistics (STEM & logic) and both ASD1 & giftedness are strongly hereditary. (ASD2 & 3 are ASD1 with the addition of brain injury.)
 

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