Intimacy Issues

[rae]

I've just recently gotten into a relationship with a NT guy, he's really great and understanding especially when it comes to things I struggle with. I want to be able to show more affection towards him but I feel quite uncomfortable with it, because I'm not exactly sure what's okay to say to him and not okay. I've been in a relationship before but it was a lot different and even then I struggled severely with empathizing and communicating. We have yet to meet in person even though we've known each other for quite some time, mainly for the sheer fact I'm too anxious to meet him. I know eventually when we do though it will get into physical contact, which I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle seeing as I freak out and have a near meltdown every time someone touches me. I don't want these to put a wedge between us, any advice?

 

[Aru]

I think the best advice for this i can give is communication, You said he is understanding which in my opinion as an absolute great thing especially if you struggle with things, I met my ex online originally and i told her i wasn't able to ever meet her in person due to my issues but because she was so understanding and patient i was able to sort of get comfy, explain everything, tell her what to expect (all in time i didn't push this all on at once) and she was super understanding and we talked things over step by step and that's why we worked for so long, Would there be any chance of maybe improving over time with anything that you feel uncomfortable? Like do things one step at a time, Talk it through kind of thing Hope i helped

 

[Shamar]

I've just recently gotten into a relationship with a NT guy, he's really great and understanding especially when it comes to things I struggle with. I want to be able to show more affection towards him but I feel quite uncomfortable with it, because I'm not exactly sure what's okay to say to him and not okay. I've been in a relationship before but it was a lot different and even then I struggled severely with empathizing and communicating. We have yet to meet in person even though we've known each other for quite some time, mainly for the sheer fact I'm too anxious to meet him. I know eventually when we do though it will get into physical contact, which I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle seeing as I freak out and have a near meltdown every time someone touches me. I don't want these to put a wedge between us, any advice?

I am probably the last person who should be giving relationship advice, but here goes. I am subject to an effect I call "relief from loneliness." This is a FALSE emotional attachment and bonding which occurs when I meet someone who seems interested in me. It is temporary and disappears after a while. If you really have something, wonderful; you have achieve the autistic impossible dream, but don't let your heart go until you are sure. I have learned to be skeptical and cynical when it comes to the motives of other people.

 

[rae]

I think the best advice for this i can give is communication, You said he is understanding which in my opinion as an absolute great thing especially if you struggle with things, I met my ex online originally and i told her i wasn't able to ever meet her in person due to my issues but because she was so understanding and patient i was able to sort of get comfy, explain everything, tell her what to expect (all in time i didn't push this all on at once) and she was super understanding and we talked things over step by step and that's why we worked for so long, Would there be any chance of maybe improving over time with anything that you feel uncomfortable? Like do things one step at a time, Talk it through kind of thing Hope i helped

Thank you! and yes we've discussed quite a bit on the physical aspect of it, he told me whenever I was ready we could figure it out, and we're not going to rush into anything to make sure the both of us are comfortable. It's still just really scary.

 

[Fino]

It sounds like you already have it figured it out! If the problem is just that it's scary then that's not really a problem, just a description.

First time I met up with someone, my legs were literally trembling, like I was in a cartoon!

 

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

With me first time I went on a date, I was scared to death from playing what if scenarios through my head..... But if someone is understanding about everything then it should be fine my ex was really understanding about my needs and most people if they care about you in a relationship they will be more kind and considerate of your needs but remember you are the one who decides how much touch is or is not ok. Best of luck

 

[Aspychata]

l struggle a lot with this too as far as communication. l don't read signs correctly, l am unsure if it was ok to call or not call. Then l have been in a unsafe living place and l just blurted all my sadness to this friend which truly freaked him out. l am a tab sensitive so l finally am moving out. And if you care about the friend, it throws me more into a quandry where l just pull back because l don't trust my emotions. l have no clear idea why, maybe a abusive relationship, safer to be single. Being on the spectrum means flying solo to me and there are no losses. l was in a horrible marriage for 18 years.