immoral rules or ethics, mass consciousness VS the 1%...

[Mary Anne]

People like my wife who got angry over me being diagnosed and literally hates my guts over it and refuses to allow me to mention any of it to her family...

 

[Mary Anne]

I just am wondering why she feels this way? She should have welcomed the knowledge of what makes you “ tick.”

Sounds like you are in a very negative space. Have you thought of getting out of this negative environment? One can NOT healthily live an entire life in such unhappy environment- no matter how much you “ love” her.

 

[Chance]

I just am wondering why she feels this way? She should have welcomed the knowledge of what makes you “ tick.”

Sounds like you are in a very negative space. Have you thought of getting out of this negative environment? One can NOT healthily live an entire life in such unhappy environment- no matter how much you “ love” her.

I think about it 24/7 and I am trying very hard to rearrange stuff, but its complicated. I think I made a deal with the devil when I got married and I was just too naive to notice... I was just so happy someone "loved" me only to find out that was all a front... So then I tried to please and appease when I should have just walked away a long time ago. I simply didn't have the understanding that I have now... Or maybe I just didn't want to have to face the truth of what was going on... Plus, I am no angel... I was having horrible problems that I couldn't even express and now I am no longer allowed to express them to her.

Its like once we found out that there was a real reason I struggle in certain situations so bad... It appalled her. She has said horrible things since then, tried to make me feel like I am crazy, all sorts of stuff...

I truly think she does want me to walk away... but without taking what is mine of course... and that is where its very complicated. It includes land, properties, houses and my grandparents farms that are also 50% owned by my cousin... So yes its truly complicated, to just walk off in the state of Texas... They have some crappy laws on marital property and many women have came out smelling like free money because of these stupid laws... (which is a hidden part of what this post was about)... but you wiggled it out of me.

At least now I know where she stands (and its not as a caring wife). We don't see a lot of each other these days. Then she will become nice again, want to come around, or beg to be around me, and then turn extremely mean again once I start trusting her again. It's like a game to her and I don't understand any of it mostly. But I now get away from it mostly and just do my own thing and do not worry about what it would take to please her, because nothing I do does that anymore...

So yes... It's much better than it was, but I would like total freedom from the craziness at some point in the near future if possible. Would I ever get that is the question that I just play over and over in my head? I see so many people (that I know) that divorce and it seems worse after then it was before... I wouldn't want that at any level. RIght now I am in full control, once lawyers and courts get involved I no longer even have that... Its not that I care about the "stuff", its that I cant stand how wrong it would be for her to be given all I have worked for and maybe what my grandparents worked for, or worse have to see it sold to give her what the courts suppose is hers, when she has never done anything but cuss all we have and be a horribly ungrateful person who lives a very comfortable life.

If I ever get free... I would hope we could still be friends but I have seen her cut people out of her life and she is vicious and vindictive and she holds horrible grudges... So???? Lots of questions on how to obtain the freedom I would like to find... : )

 

[Mary Anne]

Have you ever consulted a lawyer at all? I do hope you do not give her an allowance? Does she make her own money? I agree, that these divorces can get extremely messy. You want to protect your family farm and lands. Can you separate and have no contact? It sounds so sad and hardly worth keeping up the appearances of any marriage.

 

[Chance]

Have you ever consulted a lawyer at all? I do hope you do not give her an allowance? Does she make her own money? I agree, that these divorces can get extremely messy. You want to protect your family farm and lands. Can you separate and have no contact? It sounds so sad and hardly worth keeping up the appearances of any marriage.

Yes spoke with a Lawyer... It basically was my worst nightmare. In Texas there is not only equal division of properties, and funds in most cases, but also alimony (and in my case no child's support)...

To avoid this there has to be all sorts of proof of infidelity, or abuse, and so on... its basically a serious joke not built to help anyone but the one who might suffer most in the divorce...

So, the best thing in my case for now is no divorce, but basically live as such... and I'm really okay with that. I have no one on the side, waiting in the wings, or no plans to ever remarry as long as I am alive...

If I can avoid some horrible losses and gain back some of who I truly am, and avoid a massive mess then its fine with me. I just want some of (a lot of) my personal freedom back and I am basically just taking it back without asking... No one asked me to take it from me... So, I'm basically over that awkwardness... : )

 

[Mary Anne]

So, live separate, don’t go see her family, and live as you want. Make sure you have a good will, and try to find some happiness. If I owned all that, I would be estatic because I would ride horses all day long and do what I wanted instead of worry how to pay my bills right now with no income coming in.

I would enjoy every single Texas sunset out on the range. I would get an RV trailer, or an old pick up truck and go far away from everybody for hours/days/ week’s at a time.

 

[wight]

In this I have noticed... Some people seem to build... It's an honor, a code, a respect for the challenge within itself. It's a part of what makes me whole... Others seem to get off on ripping down the people who try to build

yeah. What I have figured out is that it is because they can't. Their inadequacy in the face of need causes them to lash out at those who can. Ignoring them and going about your business is the best thing, just like you are doing.

Here is the thing about Ferdinand, you coworker was being very sweet.
The Story of Ferdinand - Wikipedia

Re: Divorce. I agree with you on the "keep things as they are" and "the laws suck" things. That said, a judge will sign off on an agreed upon property division in a divorce settlement, even if it isn't "50/50"...
let's say that she would hypothetically agree to:
1) you keep the family/inherited properties, your personal property, cars you drive
2) she gets the house she live in, personal property and cars she drives
3) liquidate and split any savings/bank accounts/retirements funds
4) alimony for 5 years

Even if that isn't a 50/50 split of "marital property"... if both parties agree and submit it to the judge, he'll ask you if you agree in court, and then sign off on it. Absolutely you will need lawyers to figure all this out.

 

[Chance]

yeah. What I have figured out is that it is because they can't. Their inadequacy in the face of need causes them to lash out at those who can. Ignoring them and going about your business is the best thing, just like you are doing.

Here is the thing about Ferdinand, you coworker was being very sweet.
The Story of Ferdinand - Wikipedia

Well if Ferdinand was a person (figuratively) I guess it fits pretty well... I'm not a fighter, and I love nature more than just about anything in the world. : )