Sam Wilson
Member
I'm 25 I work in an office, and the title just about sums it up. I know I'm on the spectrum for as long as I can remember. I had social problems during my days in high school, which people close to me often describes as borderline sociopathic. Even though crowds and people were hard, I managed to make friends.
Work on the other hand has been an entirely different beast, being in the office brings me stress, I close myself off with music, I use deflecting statements to shutdown unnecessary conversation, nothing I haven't done before at school.
Months have turned into years and I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I've yet to make a single friend. I'm doing my best in trying to connect with people to an extent but it's really hard to connect if they're all 10 years older and have families.
To be honest I don't know if I'm sabotaging myself here...because honestly I'm not looking to make friends. But social norms dictate we make friends at work to avoid being that 1 creepy guy nobody talks to. And I'm fine with that honestly, the thing that frustrates me is that people want me to be embarrassed of myself, they want me to feel that somethings wrong with me. I have my priorities, and I have my interest...they are perfectly balanced and if something that I'm indifferent for comes in and says that my way of doing things is wrong...I take it as offensive and to an extent hurtful.
I don't want to be an island just like anyone else, but I accept myself and know myself and capabilities, I don't have time for people with different interest, I can't express concern for things I don't like, and heck I like to eat alone. I have friends who changed that but they're the remarkable exception, they KNOW me to a degree that I dont have to pretend that I'm not on the spectrum...unlike the "pretending" I do at work which honestly is super obvious. I would really like to talk and connect with people but I honestly want to do it with people I genuinely like.
Does it hurt me when I'm often not included in my coworkers activities, well it varies. I've said NO to them thousands of times that I don't blame them from not trying anymore. But if a thing comes along, and I'm feeling a bit lonely...I kinda want to be asked to come along. I am to blame with things I can control and that's why I feel so conflicted...I want to join them I'm a joiner, but I honestly feel like I am not for them...especially if they found out that I'm on the spectrum.
Does anyone else feel this way? It honestly feels good to vent.
Work on the other hand has been an entirely different beast, being in the office brings me stress, I close myself off with music, I use deflecting statements to shutdown unnecessary conversation, nothing I haven't done before at school.
Months have turned into years and I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I've yet to make a single friend. I'm doing my best in trying to connect with people to an extent but it's really hard to connect if they're all 10 years older and have families.
To be honest I don't know if I'm sabotaging myself here...because honestly I'm not looking to make friends. But social norms dictate we make friends at work to avoid being that 1 creepy guy nobody talks to. And I'm fine with that honestly, the thing that frustrates me is that people want me to be embarrassed of myself, they want me to feel that somethings wrong with me. I have my priorities, and I have my interest...they are perfectly balanced and if something that I'm indifferent for comes in and says that my way of doing things is wrong...I take it as offensive and to an extent hurtful.
I don't want to be an island just like anyone else, but I accept myself and know myself and capabilities, I don't have time for people with different interest, I can't express concern for things I don't like, and heck I like to eat alone. I have friends who changed that but they're the remarkable exception, they KNOW me to a degree that I dont have to pretend that I'm not on the spectrum...unlike the "pretending" I do at work which honestly is super obvious. I would really like to talk and connect with people but I honestly want to do it with people I genuinely like.
Does it hurt me when I'm often not included in my coworkers activities, well it varies. I've said NO to them thousands of times that I don't blame them from not trying anymore. But if a thing comes along, and I'm feeling a bit lonely...I kinda want to be asked to come along. I am to blame with things I can control and that's why I feel so conflicted...I want to join them I'm a joiner, but I honestly feel like I am not for them...especially if they found out that I'm on the spectrum.
Does anyone else feel this way? It honestly feels good to vent.