When I first got started in the music business, I would miss a note or a cue in a concert and tell myself "Well, that sucked, you just blew the gig you dumb ass!" I'd also say it out loud to my band mates after the show only to be corrected, and usually vehemently so. I got told over and over that it was only one mistake and, I was human, I was allowed to make mistakes now and then.
Of course I insisted that I made too many mistakes, too often. All that got me was a "Shut up, no you don't, now get out there and show them what you can do."
After a while I started believing them and, learned to be objectively critical of myself. My self talk became "Whoops, missed that note, I'd better practice that song a few times before the next concert. I'll ask my band mates to help me with it." That was the right answer, they helped gladly and, the next time, I didn't miss the note or cue. I didn't make a mistake, I did it right.
I built on that in other areas of my life. Instead of getting upset with myself and, being depressed, thinking I was a stupid failure, I started admitting and, taking responsibility for individual mistakes, then I worked to correct those mistakes and, once I knew I had it right, I promised myself I would never make that mistake again. It works like a charm.
I will never be perfect, I'm human so, 100% perfection 100% of the time is impossible for me but, at least the mistakes I make are new ones and, I learn from them rather than dwell on them. Now I've even learned to laugh at myself, scold myself lightheartedly and, shake my head and say "Oops, I blew it - Oh well, next time." openly and publicly.
You know, life is a heck of a lot better and easier that way. Don't try to be perfect, try to be the perfect YOU because you are the only one that can be the perfect YOU and, you already are if you just stop beating yourself up for being YOU.
Something a dear friend told me, and it is true, makes all difference when I make mistakes and embarrass myself or embarrass and annoy others. "No matter what decision you make, whether it as simple as standing up or sitting down or, as life altering as getting married or quitting a job - EVEN IF YOU REALIZE IT WAS WRONG TWO SECONDS AFTER YOU MAKE THE DECISION - is the best decision you could have possibly made in that moment."
It's true, we don't intentionally make bad decisions - ever. Yes they turn out to be bad or wrong decisions later, sometimes seconds later, sometimes years later but, at the moment we made the decision, it was the best one we could make with the information we had at the time. Once you know that, you can stop thinking you make bad decision ans start thinking you lack information and, are going to have to change your decisions when you get the rest of the information a lot of the time.
That's okay, that's how humans work. We decide and act on that decision until it proves to be wrong, or a better option presents itself, then we make a correction and go on until we have reason to correct ourselves again. And yes we do that a lot, every day but, each time we do it, we know a bit more and learn a little something new about our world and ourselves. It's all a part of growing and, sometimes it hurts to grow but, that's when we are gaining not only knowledge but inner strength too and, that is a very good thing.
