I’m a failure

[Fino]

I've been fired three times. But it sounds like you got a temp job and are now upset that it's ending?

 

[VictorR]

Some Aspies have a tendency to default to thinking of things in the long term - like thinking on a first date what it would be like to be married to that person. This can be good in that one is considering outcomes, but also presents challenges in that we get too much into imagination and may miss what is in front of us.

As @Tom noted, this was known to be a temporary position. Rather than thinking of yourself as being displaced by someone returning to their job after maternity leave, think of them as the person, who by going on the leave, was the one who granted you the opportunity to be able to have this job over the past year.

The employer very well could have and likely would have dismissed you in your first several weeks if you were unsuitable. That you will have served in the role until its incumbent's return means that you succeeded in your mission. To use a gaming reference (I hope you don't mind), you've levelled up.

As things wind down, continue to do your best, be cordial with your colleagues, exchange contact information and keep in touch with them - while they may not have a position now for you, they might have one in the future, and they may also be willing to keep you in mind if they become aware of opportunities elsewhere. Do not underestimate the power of networks and networking in finding jobs - there are in fact far more jobs filled via word-of-mouth than there are via advertisements.

As others noted, you now have an all-important reference, and experiences to build on, as well as an expanded network, as you seek your next mission. Good luck!

 

[Sarah S]

I can easily understand youre feelings of being failure from losing youre job like this. BUT losing youre job does not make you a failure dear. Just the fact you actually had this job makes you a winner in my book. And now it's time to lick youre wounds & go out there and try to find another job my friend.

 

[Suzette]

I don't mean to sound dismissive, but it is only February. That's 4 months to find another real job.
I worked for 35 years. I would have loved 4 months notice.

I have worked jobs were the company suddenly shuttered it's doors
I have worked jobs were we were given 2 weeks notice that the company was disolving
I've been fired, layed off and worked jobs were no one told me the position was temporary.

Dry your eyes, put on your big girl pants and update your C.V.
This is not the end. It's just life! You can do this. You really can. It is far too soon to give up!

 

[Sarah S]

Try working youre self-close to death (average 16 hours a day and often Saturdays) just to show you got what it takes and then when its finally time to sign the papers, Nah i haven't promised you that i would hire you. Thanks for youre time see ya.

 

[Gracey]

There's a japanese proverb,

Nana korobi ya oki

which I believe means ' fall down seven times, stand up eight'

if I've understood your initial post correctly I believe you're a complete success in this regard

I've had three different jobs in the past 12 months.
My present (and third) position I believe I'll stay with. For now.
In as much as I'm not overly fond of change, I also look forward to bigger and better challenges.

Feeling disappointed and upset over the news of your job ending is perfectly acceptable.
It does suck.

You're going to take a glowing reference and some solid work experience into your next job though.
A wonderful foundation on which to build

 

[Owliet]

I’ve accepted that it will be ending.
I’m not really happy about it because my contract did say that it could be extended into the next academic year. Perhaps I took that literally.I did take it literally....

I’m also somewhat resentful. I didn’t really have much when I started, the woman did not leave me any work, Which she should have done considering she had time to prepare, so I’ve had to start everything from scratch. And this isn’t me being weird about it. She left nothing. But I got told by one of her friends that she was working on preparing, so where is it?? This includes unit planning, activities, exams, lectures. This is probably a good thing for experience and to show that I’m competent but as I had nothing and had to build it up. Somewhat annoyed, as This led to several nights (up until Christmas) as I often worked until past midnight so that I could be prepared for the next day. And despite having a two hour slot to plan, when I met her I had just under half an hour as she was more interested in socializing with her friends. Working until past midnight every night and my weekends took a lot out of me, alongside being in a highly social environment where I have to be “on” all the time. This led to me being unwell over Christmas as I wasn’t eating, drinking or sleeping properly. She is returning for 80% and another wants her hours increased, and I lose out. It is what it is. And apparently they all feel bad about it, and that they tried to find something but I would only have 20-30% that would be not enough to live off. It is what it is.

Yes, I get a reference, Hopefully a good one, and by June I’ve survived a whole year of full time working....but I do feel like I will be going back to square one again. This is my fear. I’m already fighting with my recurring depression and I’ve had this weird heavy anxiety feeling too. And here, it isn’t as easy as going into any other job. Here, you have to have a certification for any job. So I can’t, for example go into the supermarket and get work there because I need a qualification. I am more upset that I haven’t made it. That I will be, once again, loosing my former independence. That I will have no purpose. And knowing that every time I take a step forward, I take two back. I know that’s life and reading some responses, some of you may not get it but I’d like something to not be worried about for once. I threw myself into this job completely, and whilst I had the hope to prove myself and to do a good job, it wasn’t enough.

Going in yesterday was difficult. I didn’t want to go but I had to otherwise that looks bad, and despite feeling the way I am, I think I made up my determination to see it through to the end. It really helped I have this week off to reset (it is a break), and then I go back and continue with how I was before. And hopefully they are honest when they said that they’d help me by giving me a very good reference...


I see my psychiatrist on Monday, so hopefully I’ll have more strategies to deal with this.
And maybe I need to develop more strategies anyway. At least after June I can have that....

 

[Suzette]

@Owliet, you know, it is not uncommon for new mothers to change their plans after their child has been born. Perhaps she will change her mind about going back to work?

 

[Owliet]

@Owliet, you know, it is not uncommon for new mothers to change their plans after their child has been born. Perhaps she will change her mind about going back to work?

I don’t know. I’m not really wanting to speculate and then get a wrong message again. I’m sorry that this may seem like I’m being petulant but I think that In some part this reaction is because I listened to what I was told, believed that, hoped too strongly and clung to it hoping that if I did a good job, I’d be kept on in some way. If I seem bitter about it, I’m sorry. If I seem to be too emotional than what it should be, then I’m sorry. I can’t really process my feelings well right now. And I have fears for the future, and even if they are proven to be untrue I just can’t see anything that isn’t how I was before getting this job. I was extremely overwhelmed by feelings of failure, and anxiety. I was depressed. And I was considering the idea that it may be better if I wasn’t here anymore. And I’m worried that I will be like this again.I only have this job going for me. Up until this point; I had zero income, No friends, no independence. Very little motivation to do anything. The only thing I had to do was look after my very ill mother and whilst at times I don’t mind it, it can be very consuming with no support. it shouldn’t just be all my life, especially when my dad and sister don’t have that responsibility when they should help out but don’t because I just do it. I felt extremely isolated and alone.

I have self esteem and confidence issues, and having a purpose gave me a different focus. It was helping me. For the first time, in a long time, it felt like I was actually successful with something. That the change from a year of disappointments and failures was looking up,now my life is going to be what it was like even before the lockdowns.

I don’t enjoy feeling like this. I don’t want to have feelings that even being back home for the week that everywhere I go I seem to create stress and misery for everyone around me. My sister can’t even make time to spend time with me this week. And my dad probably thinks I’m a failure because I’ll be a drain now for him.

but I guess writing these feelings down, are something to be shared with my psychiatrist. And in the meantime, it is what it is. And I have to accept it all. Including the reverting back.

 

[Sarah S]

Sadly, as im shore most of us know the job market is hard enough for those fortunate not to have any NP diagnosis & for us with them it's even tougher

Loosing a job, you have been working youre behind off to get is most definitely not a good feeling. And it shores doesent help with the self-confidence that's for shore.

But i can tell you from experience that life WILL go on and im more than shore you will someday again find another job.

As i said before youre NOT a failure and you should keep youre head up high and rather than reverting back as you say get out there and look for another job (as we seem to close in a new face in this pandemic the company's is screaming for qualified workers and as i understood you seem to be one of those that actually have an education worth something to even get a temp job so I'd say youre odds of finding a new one is higher than you might think. BUT you also need to accept that there might be more temporary jobs as well as is usely the case if youre new on the job market and also you might also be inclined to seek other jobs then you might want while looking for the right job)

As for the in youre country you don't have a chance to get even the lower jobs without the right qualifications. Well, you could perhaps talk to youre employment office to get said papers/education that's needed so that youre more interesting on the job market? the key word here is DONT give up this is sadly how the job market is for everyone, you have no guarantee you would be able to work for any company or employer for the rest of youre life regardless how good or liked you are at youre job. All you can do is doing youre best while you have the job.

You are NOT a failure and i have every confidence that you will get another job again one day my friend. BUT it will take hard work and dedication from youre side not to mention determination.

Last take it from me (severely suicidal) Suicide is NOT will /has not ever be the solution to any of youre problems my friend. Nor will just giving up on life. You have to get up, lick youre wounds and get back to fighting for youre dreams my friend. Noone said that life would be easy, and it shore isent for us with NP diagnosis that's for shore.

 

[Owliet]

Thank you for the advice.
It is just still new, and I’m taking a long time to process. it’s just very difficult to get out of the negative thought spiral.

 

[Sarah S]

Thank you for the advice.
It is just still new, and I’m taking a long time to process. it’s just very difficult to get out of the negative thought spiral.

Belive me i understand how hard it is to climb out of this dark deep pitt/slammed in the famous brick wall when you have fallen into it as i have fallen in this pitt or slammed in the brick wall more times than i care to count anymore. But trust me when i say you will learn how to deal with this as the time goes on and you will learn how to get back on again regardless how many times you fall. And above all you will learn every time how to handle and deal with this.

The key words to remember here is DONT GIVE UP EVER, REGARDLESS how many times you fall down you HAVE to KEEP fighting towards youre goals and dreams

And regarding youre father thinking of you as failure nah i would say he is PROUD of you for trying and actually managed to get a foot in the job market in the first place my friend. not to mention you are there for youre sick mother

And youre sister that sadly don't have time for you this weekend does not mean that she doesn't care nor that she won't have time later my friend.

This is how both Depression as well as Anxiety and other similar problems work. They twist everything against you so that you will loose all youre hope & just give up. The trick is NOT to listen to all that noncence that youre brain is trying to feed you. THEN you will be able to climb up that hole (it has takend me most of my life to learn this skill myself)

And last feeling sorry for youre self or self-pity will not help you my friend only YOU can help youre self being better. All anyone else (incl the shrinks etc...) Can do is to guide you towards finding those lights in the tunnel youre self so that you can get youre life back on track again.

 

[Owliet]

My mum is suggesting that I look to broaden myself by doing another masters, so I’m currently looking for options. Have found one that looks promising. I think she’s doing this to stop me from going further into a spiral.

 

[Sarah S]

My mum is suggesting that I look to broaden myself by doing another masters, so I’m currently looking for options. Have found one that looks promising.

I think she’s doing this to stop me from going further into a spiral.

The more education you have and the higher the more is the chances of getting another job my friend.

I'd say yes, she is. The worst enemy for Depression or Anxiety is idleness and nothing to keep your mind occupied as then it gives you time to start thinking and let the evil inner demons out to hunt you, my friend.

You may not have noticed it youre self but youre already on youre way out of that pitt my friend keeps climbing (two thumbs up)

You CAN and WILL get thrue this my friend of this i have 0 doubt

 

[Gracey]

You mention a fear of going back to square one.

Being afraid of having to job hunt again and feel worthy, competent enough for a future specific vacancy or role is okay.

Feeling unsure and nervous doesn't automatically make you any kind of failure.
Just makes you human.

From what you've written, your contract ending has never been about your worth as part of the team. The decision was never made over your competence, skills and abilities.
It was never about you as a worthwhile person.
It was only ever about the employee returning from maternity leave - which most companies are legally obliged to honour.

What field or area would you like to work in next, do you think?

Is there something you've always fancied having a go at?
Something that interests you?

Was there anything about your current position you really enjoyed and you'd like to develop further, professionally?
Make a career out of it?

 

[Owliet]

Spoke to my psychiatrist about this. It’s more of a complex situation than the feeling of disappointment and I need to follow up with the strategies. Accept that I have 1 years more experience, get a reference that will be good, and continue working there until my time is up in June. Getting more strategy help with how to go into Monday this week.

 

[Sarah S]

Spoke to my psychiatrist about this. It’s more of a complex situation than the feeling of disappointment and I need to follow up with the strategies. Accept that I have 1 years more experience, get a reference that will be good, and continue working there until my time is up in June. Getting more strategy help with how to go into Monday this week.

And THATS how you get up from the pitt my friend PROUD of you, i knew you could do it.

 

[Owliet]

And THATS how you get up from the pitt my friend PROUD of you, i knew you could do it.

Thank you for being here for me to give kind advice and support.

 

[ThomasTallis]

eBay works for money and (successful) connection to your customers. I don't know if it matches your interests and skill sets, but there is a lot of room to tailer it to your interests and skill. I have been fired from jobs. eBay has boosted my confidence in myself.

 

[ThomasTallis]

I just thought of something else. Understanding the mechanics of employment hasn't helped me one bit to process the emotions associated with the world of work.

A counselor gave me the following assignment that works: 1). Write down emotions associated with loosing this job. 2). Look up both synonyms and antonyms and write those down. 3). Do this for 10 days and watch how the assignment activates the processing, thus lessening of any emotions.

Works like magic. (Give it the full 10 days.)