I wonder what many of you think of this coping mechanism-

[tryingtoregister]

Hi all,

I have been looking around the forum reading various threads and have been finding I am really learning a lot, it feels good to know there are other people in the world who struggle with some of the same things I do. I have noticed that a lot of the active members on this website tend to speak of there personal anxieties (which we all share) and how they deal with them. I wonder what you guys think of how I handle it, I sometimes wonder if it is the healthiest way to go about it and I feel like I could really learn from you guys/gals..

I basically disregard my anxiety. I kind of just put myself out there, and hope for the best. This often-times is met with less then favorable results, but I just don't know how else to do it. I can only imagine the amount of time I could spend trying to figure out what people mean with there facial expressions/voice tone/body language but I have largely given up (unless I know a person well, where I try to memorize their ticks and logically conclude their feelings). In the last year alone I've had 3 separate people ask me if I have bi-polar disorder amongst other embarrassing attempts to understand my poor communication skills.. (its most frustrating is that no one makes the leap to "he just doesn't understand how to communicate with others in general" everyone is so self-centric and say "he can't communicate with authority figures" or "he struggles to speak to women" or "he just is shy in bars" without ever realizing its all encompassing.. sigh). When I feel the lack of understanding and the anxiety of not knowing what anyone is meaning I just shove it aside and hope for the best that I don't just make a fool of myself (which happens more often than I care to admit).

I wonder if anyone else has other or more effective methods they've developed in their lives?

 

[myk384]

Since my aspie revolves on anger management that can result to violence (haha), I learned to keep calm and one effective method is texting my sister about what happened. Communication is one effective thing especially your family knows you best. Apart from joining other classmates for peace of mind

 

[TaumaRN]

I like your style and do much the same. However, I do tend to be more of a situational actor. By throwing yourself out there it does put you at risk of uncomfortable situations but it also gives you the freedom that you deserve. Why should you have to worry about interacting with anyone, anywhere, anytime? Most everyone I work with knows there is something there with me but don't seem to mind or I don't care to notice. Over the years people ask me what is wrong if I am not being loud or obnoxious making people laugh or being goofy. Sometimes I just am quiet especially when busy. So apparently my norm to others is a goofball and something is wrong if I am not acting as such. Cool by me. People probably just don't understand your thoughts or moods in certain situations if they are asking you questions like that. Maybe they expect you to act a certain way and when you don't they believe something is wrong similar to me acting goofy. I do like the way you throw yourself out there and take it as it comes. Bring it on style! Shows you are brave and confident even if you do not always feel so.

 

[Judge]

For some reason in the last several years, my anxiety levels seem to be down from what they used to be. There was a time for many years that nearly any contact with someone I wasn't familiar or comfortable with could cause me to break out literally into a cold sweat. Very embarrassing. In that regard I was never able to simply "disregard" my anxiety. It would just happen and all I could hope for was a point when I would "cool down" and then start to have some minor degree of social comfort. Looking awkward and nervous has always concerned me more than simply sounding awkward.

I do try to push myself into routine and meaningless conversations with Neurotypicals I don't know, and haven't had an attack of the cold sweats in a long time. Just not really sure whey they no longer occur on a regular basis, but then I'm not complaining either. Maybe my acting skills have simply gotten better. I have no idea. It frustrates me in not really knowing what has improved things somewhat.

 

[tryingtoregister]

Tauma- I think you are right, its not like I am ALWAYS like that, sometimes I let the world get the best of me, or just am in no mood to make an effort to speak to anyone for stretches of time.. thinking about what you said maybe people are misconstruing this as large mood swings which is where I get the bi-polar accusations (I can sometimes be prone to lengthy rants as well that don't seem to be heading anywhere, it makes much more sense in my head than when it comes out of my mouth!) I wish I could say i'm confident but maybe just brave is more fitting lol

Judge - I think maybe your improvements are born of your pushing yourself.. I think you mentioned in another post I had been reading in a different thread you were diagnosed as an adult(if I am incorrect in that I'm sorry).. I can say having been diagnosed as a young child that I was repeatedly pushed into social interaction by mom/therapists and whenever I tried to retreat they would not let me, I think that by forcing that on yourself you are developing better social skills in general (note** not at all a medical professional, just based on personal anecdotal experience), I was far worse off as a younger child/teenager than now socially.

Myk - I'm sorry to hear you are having anger issues, I hope you learn to master your frustration and see all the good the world can offer! Sometimes you have to look hard but theres always a silver lining!

 

[myk384]

Myk - I'm sorry to hear you are having anger issues, I hope you learn to master your frustration and see all the good the world can offer! Sometimes you have to look hard but theres always a silver lining!

Don't worry! I (and all of us) learn from experience and as they said, the grass is greener on the other side. You may want to read my story on this link: http://www.aspiescentral.com/pdd-nos-social-anxiety-others/4717-anger-issues.html#post68658

It took a toll on me but with this forum, it helps me to relax

 

[lazaro.rafael]

I face the very same things you ... A Council of experience ... Study psychology to help you with all these things, is one of the few outlets .. Will help you A LOT in communications, however, need courage to put them into practice, ie, talk.
Notice right now, is not easy, never will.
However, better over time.

 

[MoCoffee]

I have found that people respond really well when I am a good listener. The more I try to make my point, the more uncomfortable the person I'm talking to gets. I am 56years old and it took me a very long time and a comment from a good friend to come to this realization. This doesn't mean you shouldn't talk or express your views, but remember others need to be free to express theirs as well.

 

[Judge]

I have found that people respond really well when I am a good listener. The more I try to make my point, the more uncomfortable the person I'm talking to gets.

IMO Neurotypicals often seem preoccupied more with how you say something rather than what you are actually saying. Factor in a potential inability to read them, and it leaves us emphasizing something where emphasis is either unnecessary or unwelcome.

It's often frustrating. At least in my old age I've come to recognize it where before I hadn't a clue. Sometimes I can read people in this regard, sometimes I can't.

 

[tryingtoregister]

IMO Neurotypicals often seem preoccupied more with how you say something rather than what you are actually saying. Factor in a potential inability to read them, and it leaves us emphasizing something where emphasis is either unnecessary or unwelcome. QUOTE]

I find myself having a lot of trouble with this especially.. so many times people think I'm trying to show them up, or show off. People oftentimes tell me I come off as extremely arrogant because I'm unyielding when I know I'm right about something, but I usually tell them that I'm only doing that when were dealing with facts not opinions.. I never thought of it but I guess it might just be that it doesn't matter so there's no reason to be so adamant on a subject that isn't important. The funny thing is I really do love to listen more than speak, my favorite conversations are usually the ones where I only add enough to let the other person know I'm paying attention lol. I don't know I'm thinking about maybe going to see someone but at this point I can't imagine it would help much, I'm good enough at hiding my autism now that people just say things like "he's a little quirky but when you get to know him you'll like him" or something along those lines not sure how much more I can improve then that.. I guess I've just been feeling really frustrated lately I feel like the blue guy in The Watchmen, this world doesn't understand me and I don't understand it, what's the point of being a part of it when my world is so much more enjoyable lol (I know that's not the answer, but man has that been creeping in me lately more than it has in a while).

 

[tryingtoregister]

sub reply - why does my quote box not work! Darn it is driving me nuts to look at my replys and not have the quote work right

 

[Judge]

sub reply - why does my quote box not work! Darn it is driving me nuts to look at my replys and not have the quote work right

Syntax error.

When you tried to quote me your closing quote was missing an opening bracket with a slash. It should look like "[/QUOTE]" instead of "QUOTE]".