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I wish I had someone I could rely on

hatfullofrain

hatfullofrain

Well-Known Member
It would be nice to have someone there who you know cares about you and wants to help you out when you need help. Just for stupid little things like coming with you to pick up a table from Craigslist so you don't have to go and meet a stranger on your own and try and carry this thing on your own.

I miss the practical parts of a relationship just as much as the need for intimacy.
 
Yup, I believe I can relate to that just about 100%.

This is not much consolation, but I've been in relationships where neither the practical aspects nor the intimate aspects proved quite as positive and symbiotic and idyllic as I've always liked to think they would be. So I'd sooner be single than in an unsatisfactory and disappointing relationship. I'm not 100% reliable, but at least I know how far I can trust myself and what to expect from myself! Nobody else is going to let me down.

But yes, if the partner of my dreams decided to turn up after all, then that would be nice because I am quite lost & lonely, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise just for the sake of sounding upbeat.
 
Is this about wanting a romantic partner? Because a good friend seems like it would fill these roles much better, more consistently, and more long-term.
 
@Fino I agree.
If there was someone who was kind, cared, and we were there for each other it would be nice.
Being asexual, I don't care if its romantic.
I could love someone, (romantic asexual), but, whether friends or romantic, I've never found that someone.
It always turns out fickle and ends badly.
 
A nice thought, if there really was someone out there who genuinely "had my back".

It can be pretty tough at times when you have to deal with everything all on your own.
 
Fino said:
Is this about wanting a romantic partner? Because a good friend seems like it would fill these roles much better, more consistently, and more long-term.
Click to expand...

Yeah, you'd think. But nope.

Romantic partner really cares about you and is there to help. They live with you so you can just ask and they'll help. A bit like when I lived with my parents. It was easier to get my Mum or Dad to help. I live too far away now.

I want a new family member, not just another unreliable friend.

Friends are all busy doing their own thing.
 
I'm sorry you haven't had good experiences with friends. I was speaking from my own experience, which is a bit of a reverse of what you're saying. Romantic partners have been unreliable and tumultuous relationships and friends have been stable and long-lasting. A romantic partner is almost always temporary.
 
What seems permanent might not be permanent. I have had a few good friends where we shared some personal stuff with each other and even helped each other emotionally. Lately though, 3 of them have disrespected me. One of them outright unfriended me after like 8 months of leading me on that we still had a friendship. Of course, at this point, I trusted him. Turns out the only reason he wanted to stop being friends is cause I didn't get along with his other friends or people he worked with at a convention. Ironically, those convention people, I worked for first and introduced the friend along.

Gotta take some risks and then sometimes we just have to move on :/
 
hatfullofrain said:
I miss the practical parts of a relationship just as much as the need for intimacy.
Click to expand...

I feel this too. I do get the other posts about romantic relationships not lasting, not being the support some might hope for etc, and about friendship. But I also feel that friends usually have their partner or special person, so you can't rely on their commitment.

Also, as I'm older rather than younger, I feel if we are talking about friends of the opposite sex, it gets complicated when you are older. Isn't there usually some undertone of unrequited love somewhere or a jealous partner, or gossip about the status of your friendship?
 
selectivedetective said:
I feel this too. I do get the other posts about romantic relationships not lasting, not being the support some might hope for etc, and about friendship. But I also feel that friends usually have their partner or special person, so you can't rely on their commitment.

Also, as I'm older rather than younger, I feel if we are talking about friends of the opposite sex, it gets complicated when you are older. Isn't there usually some undertone of unrequited love somewhere or a jealous partner, or gossip about the status of your friendship?
Click to expand...
Yes, I relate to all of that.

I've got a married male friend I could've asked to help with the table, but I don't want to always be relying on him. He's got his own family to look after.

Anyway, one of my female friends came and helped move that stupid table and we managed ok. She had to come half way across the city by bus to come help and I really appreciated that.
 
paloftoon said:
What seems permanent might not be permanent. I have had a few good friends where we shared some personal stuff with each other and even helped each other emotionally. Lately though, 3 of them have disrespected me. One of them outright unfriended me after like 8 months of leading me on that we still had a friendship. Of course, at this point, I trusted him. Turns out the only reason he wanted to stop being friends is cause I didn't get along with his other friends or people he worked with at a convention. Ironically, those convention people, I worked for first and introduced the friend along.

Gotta take some risks and then sometimes we just have to move on :/
Click to expand...

Oh I didn't notice this post yesterday.

Yeah, I've lost an old friend because she started hanging out with her much cooler other married friends.

I still get her geeky side though and send her things on instagram that make her laugh. I know her too well for us to ever fall out completely, but yeah, I'm not allowed to hang out with her new friends.

I've come to accept it and I don't invite her to anything I organise any more.

That was one of the worst things about getting older. My friends settled down and started hanging out as couples with other couples and I wasn't allowed in to the group any more and not allowed to spend time with the new friends.

So, I've moved to the city and... the only single people I'm meeting are in their 20s. I'm getting on well with a few of them... oh this is such a long story... anyway, some of the youngsters I met just made me feel old and depressed, I didn't get their humour... and I realised, even when I was in my 20s I got on better with older people anyway, what in the world is going on with my life. Why am I hanging out with people I was never on the same wave length as even in my youth??

I look younger than I am, so older acqaintances expect me to hang out with younger folk, but I don't relate to the younger folk, so I'm just in this weird limbo at the moment. That odd single woman in her late 30s that doesn't fit in anywhere, but at the same time I am still well respected and no one expects me to settle down because I've got a pretty good life on my own.

I met a cool woman in her 50s the other day and we're going to a concert together next month. So at least I'm still meeting folks I can get along with.

I also got hit on by a 25 year old which boosted my ego, but I don't think he knew how old I was. I played along, though I was a little aloof because I knew it wouldn't go anywhere. I don't expect to run into him again anyway.
 
Aren't there worse things? I'm the odd 30-something man that doesn't fit in anywhere...
I remember when a friend that was even older than me talked me into going to a night club. I was just sitting at a table while he was dancing with a bunch of 16-year olds. Extremely uncomfortable watching grandpa dance with the kids (In my honest opinion he was really bad at dancing too, around 85% grandpa style). Be happy you are not in that situation.

Being friends with young people is usually weird to some degree, I might not look like grandpa but I definitely think like grandpa. There's some rare young folks that I get along with, but usually I feel like a mid-life crisis prowler trying to recapture some of his youth.

I don't feel that out of place around married men, though. They aren't desperately looking to get laid, and conversations naturally revolve around wholesome topics such as finances and the political climate. After 20-something years I've kinda grown accustomed to permanently being out of place to some degree...
 
I don't feel out of place with married people. But they do not want a single woman hanging around.

We're dangerous, suspicious creatures.
 
Sometimes striking up conversations with strangers, in a healthy way of course, can potentially lead to meaningful relationships, both friendly and intimate. You are putting yourself out there for the universe. I think it’s quite beautiful.
 
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