I told my girlfriend I wanted to get married but I didn't understand

[grommet]

I told my girlfriend I wanted to get married. It upset her. We talked the next day and she told me getting married meant sharing property and many other legal things. I did not know that. I didn't want anything to be different, I just thought it would be nice to be married.

I think she said I have a childish way of looking at things. I felt what she was saying was true. I thought being married meant we would go to City Hall and with some papers we both signed, stand in front of some one and they would say we were married. Then we would go back to our own homes and everything would be like it was.

I don't know much about adult life and it seems I am not learning though I keep trying. I take things literally or I think I learn what things are by watching stories on television. It is very like a child. I don't know what to do.

I don't know where I fit.

What will we all do? The world is a strange place for aspies, things appear real and people tell us they are stories. Or they are jokes. Or the worst as a child growing up - the practical joke.

I don't understand money or contracts. I don't understand laws though I always thought I did because laws are so clear but people don't follow them and the people supposed to enforce those laws against lawbreakers, are not upset. There seems to be an invisible (to me) way to live where the rules are clear but not written and I will never know what they are.

I will always be this way. I don't know what to do.

I think the reason maybe many aspies have hobbies is because they have rules and facts that don't change. They are small worlds we can count on.

I am despondent. I am older than I used to be and I am still not growing closer to understanding the world. I wonder what I will do.

 

[eonbus]

I told my girlfriend I wanted to get married. It upset her. We talked the next day and she told me getting married meant sharing property and many other legal things. I did not know that. I didn't want anything to be different, I just thought it would be nice to be married.

I think she said I have a childish way of looking at things. I felt what she was saying was true. I thought being married meant we would go to City Hall and with some papers we both signed, stand in front of some one and they would say we were married. Then we would go back to our own homes and everything would be like it was.

I don't know much about adult life and it seems I am not learning though I keep trying. I take things literally or I think I learn what things are by watching stories on television. It is very like a child. I don't know what to do.

I don't know where I fit.

What will we all do? The world is a strange place for aspies, things appear real and people tell us they are stories. Or they are jokes. Or the worst as a child growing up - the practical joke.

I don't understand money or contracts. I don't understand laws though I always thought I did because laws are so clear but people don't follow them and the people supposed to enforce those laws against lawbreakers, are not upset. There seems to be an invisible (to me) way to live where the rules are clear but not written and I will never know what they are.

I will always be this way. I don't know what to do.

I think the reason maybe many aspies have hobbies is because they have rules and facts that don't change. They are small worlds we can count on.

I am despondent. I am older than I used to be and I am still not growing closer to understanding the world. I wonder what I will do.

Just lose the dumb girl. End of discussion.

 

[tree]

grommet
"I think the reason maybe many aspies have hobbies is
because they have rules and facts that don't change.
They are small worlds we can count on."

This is very insightful.
You weren't born knowing that.

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

I told my girlfriend I wanted to get married. It upset her. We talked the next day and she told me getting married meant sharing property and many other legal things. I did not know that. I didn't want anything to be different, I just thought it would be nice to be married.

I think she said I have a childish way of looking at things. I felt what she was saying was true. I thought being married meant we would go to City Hall and with some papers we both signed, stand in front of some one and they would say we were married. Then we would go back to our own homes and everything would be like it was.

I don't know much about adult life and it seems I am not learning though I keep trying. I take things literally or I think I learn what things are by watching stories on television. It is very like a child. I don't know what to do.

I don't know where I fit.

What will we all do? The world is a strange place for aspies, things appear real and people tell us they are stories. Or they are jokes. Or the worst as a child growing up - the practical joke.

I don't understand money or contracts. I don't understand laws though I always thought I did because laws are so clear but people don't follow them and the people supposed to enforce those laws against lawbreakers, are not upset. There seems to be an invisible (to me) way to live where the rules are clear but not written and I will never know what they are.

I will always be this way. I don't know what to do.

I think the reason maybe many aspies have hobbies is because they have rules and facts that don't change. They are small worlds we can count on.

I am despondent. I am older than I used to be and I am still not growing closer to understanding the world. I wonder what I will do.

This stuff takes time, I do a lot of research just to function. It is what it is.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

"getting married means sharing property" erm.. no it doesn't. Culturally that is the expectation, but you don't have to live together to be happily married. A married couple I know live on different sides of town, and have done since the start of their relationship, they are happy and love each other but don't wish to live together, share a bank account or any of those things which society expects of happily married couples. Marriage doesn't have to impact or change your daily life in any way.

 

[Cosmophylla]

I understand how you feel, grommet. I feel very naive about many things...I have always had a romanticised view of the world and have no interest in economics, finance, sport, gossip, celebrities, etc.

Perhaps that makes us good philosophers, but it isn't particularly practical, is it?

When I got married the first time it was without much understanding of the legal implications. The second time I was more careful and we had two kids before we finally got married to make it legal for the convenience of future travel and work overseas.

While the notion of marriage is romantic, at the end of the day it is just a licence. If your partner isn't keen on making it legal you can still have a commitment ceremony, privately at home or somewhere special with friends in attendance, to declare your intention to remain a couple. You could even ask a friend to stand in as "celebrant".

 

[Nacho]

I told my girlfriend I wanted to get married. It upset her. We talked the next day and she told me getting married meant sharing property and many other legal things. I did not know that. I didn't want anything to be different, I just thought it would be nice to be married.

I think she said I have a childish way of looking at things. I felt what she was saying was true. I thought being married meant we would go to City Hall and with some papers we both signed, stand in front of some one and they would say we were married. Then we would go back to our own homes and everything would be like it was.

I don't know much about adult life and it seems I am not learning though I keep trying. I take things literally or I think I learn what things are by watching stories on television. It is very like a child. I don't know what to do.

I don't know where I fit.

What will we all do? The world is a strange place for aspies, things appear real and people tell us they are stories. Or they are jokes. Or the worst as a child growing up - the practical joke.

I don't understand money or contracts. I don't understand laws though I always thought I did because laws are so clear but people don't follow them and the people supposed to enforce those laws against lawbreakers, are not upset. There seems to be an invisible (to me) way to live where the rules are clear but not written and I will never know what they are.

I will always be this way. I don't know what to do.

I think the reason maybe many aspies have hobbies is because they have rules and facts that don't change. They are small worlds we can count on.

I am despondent. I am older than I used to be and I am still not growing closer to understanding the world. I wonder what I will do.

Who said life can't be like movies? Because I live life like my favorite movie taught me, that no one can tell me not to be happy or not to do what I want.
Society has set up this standards that we can't be happy all the time. But I think we choose to live in our own way, how we want. Because at the end of the day, it's us who will die at some point. Until that point, I prefer to be happy and live life like I want, not like others want.

It is not very like a child. If you want life to be like a movie, it will

 

[Tanya]

Maybe your girlfriend is just afraid of the commitment so she's making an excuse. Maybe she's seen other marriages fail. Maybe she's been hurt a lot in the past. Deep down, you should know the answer. Decide if it's worth pursuing further. She may never change her mind. You seem like a sweet romantic type - watch you don't get too hurt.

 

[Judge]

If I were in such a position I'd try to be tactful about it, but I'd definitely want to know in detail if possible what it is that bothers her about marriage. At least to determine if she's being honest about whatever it may be that really concerns her. Especially if it's more about you personally rather than the financial complexities marriage can bring.

Objectively speaking, there are some real and potentially complex concerns relative to community property and joint income tax filings if you get married. She may turn out to have some very sound reasons or reservations about marriage.

https://www.mainstreet.com/article/tax-advantages-being-single-0